


Do or D13

by YouFuckinFudgeNutter



Series: D-13 AU [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Could Be Read As OFC or Reader Insert, Dysfunctional Family, Eudora Patch Lives, Fix-It of Sorts, Grace’s Babies Deserved Better, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Not A Number Eight Story, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Protective Number Five | The Boy, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, The Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy) Need a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 68,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26314426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouFuckinFudgeNutter/pseuds/YouFuckinFudgeNutter
Summary: Reginald Hargreeves was a man with endless connections.To think the he would not recruit beyond seven in his crusade to ‘save the world’ was foolish.Especially when his old ties to the US government resulted in such a prime candidate.Or, when Reggie brings home a stray science experiment and it changes some things.
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Eudora Patch, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy)/Original Character(s), Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy)/Reader
Series: D-13 AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2032708
Comments: 131
Kudos: 392





	1. Waiting For Both Shoes to Drop

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something that would NOT leave me alone, so I’ve started writing it down.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Setting the Scene.

There was something strange going on.

Father was absent. Father was never absent. He was not at breakfast, morning drills, lessons or lunch. When asked, Pogo simply said Father was away on business.

At the tender age of 8, the children had mixed responses to his absence. One seemed worried when he wasn't sulking, while Three payed their father's absence little mind - preferring to attempt to comfort One. Two clung to Mom when he could, gravitating to Four and Six when he couldn't - because there was no one to scold him for it. Five and Seven settled together in silence most of the day, though they were noticeably closer to Four and Six than they would've been under their father's eye. Actually, all of the children seemed a bit closer than normal.

Maybe it was the strange feeling in the air. Maybe it was the lack of their father's oppressive gaze and harsh words. Or both. Something was simply off and the children would rather deal with it as a fam- _a team_ like they were being raised to be.

It was because of this that Pogo found them all in the same place when he went to fetch them for dinner. He was rather surprised to find them all in an unused drawing room, keeping each other company in their tiny groups.

"Children, your Father is home."

In a moment that can only be achieved through a short life time worth of training, they collectively got up and righted their little uniforms before turning to the door. As they drew closer to where Pogo stood holding the door, they fell into a single file line in Numerical order and made their way down to the dining room as the dinner bell sounded.

-

Rather than dispelling the strange energy in the air, it seemed to coil tighter around them as they moved further into the house. They did not know what to do with the feeling, resigned to the jitters in their fingers and goose bumps on their skin. They just hoped they were not so obvious that Father scolded them. As they filed into the room and lined themselves up off to the side for inspection, they noticed their plates already full in their place settings. They also noticed that Mom was not present as their Father stood at the head of the table, hands planted firmly on the back of his chair. At the clearing of their father's throat, they turned to look at him fully. He looked as stern as always, back straight, chin up as he looked down his nose at the children before him.

"I have an announcement. As of this morning, I have acquired another student with the potential to aid the Academy. She will join in your lessons and training, as well as presiding in the house."

This was all said with a crisp finality, as if he hadn't just blown seven minds in two sentences.

"Grace, bring in D-13."

_D-13._

How strange that the new comer was not Number Eight. Why were they so out of order? Had Father had others in mind? Was there more on the way? Or had D-13 simply come with a name already and escaped their Father's trend? Somehow, they doubted this would stop him. So this new comer must not really be part of the Academy. They weren't a member of the team. No, they must be like Pogo or something, meant to serve another purpose.

It was as the children reached this point of realization that their Mom walked into the room with her hands planted on tiny shoulders.


	2. The Keen Observations of Number Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Five thinks of D-13.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it a meet-cute if Reggie bought you both??

Number Five made several observations at once when Mom walked into the dining room with D-13.

The first of which was that D-13 was a girl, like Three and Seven. The next was that she was small. Smaller than the rest of them, so she may be younger. Though perhaps it was just the ill fitting sweats that seemed to swallow her up that made it seem that way. Her clothes were plain gray, the ends of her sleeves and pants snug to her wrists and ankles. But they puffed out around her like they were too wide or she was too thin. She had black hair that curled up around her face but they weren't small like Three's, they were cut to her chin and bounced with each step of her stark white sneakers.

Her eyes were too big for her face but that might not be how they usually look. As far as Five knows they only look like that because D-13 seemed to be trying to see as much as she could without swiveling her head.

Though her eyes darted around, taking in her surroundings before she started to look at each of his siblings in turn. Five wondered what she saw, because she didn't seem to settle. Instead, he saw her shoulders draw up tighter beneath his Mom's hands and her steps grew lighter like she was trying not to startle them as she was guided to stand before the Academy.

Eventually her wide eyes met his, giving him a clear look at her. He watched her blink in something like surprise at him, probably at the curiosity that was no doubt on his face. She looked a bit like one of Three's dolls when her face settled into something less overwhelmed.

Her eyes were still big but not startlingly so. A button-ish nose, chubby cheeks that looked flushed and a pout forming where her mouth relaxed from a tight line - she looked plucked right from his sister's shelf.

She blinked at him again and he noted how long her lashes were while she continued to meet his gaze. He fought a scowl when she broke it to look around the table again. When Five let his eyes take in his siblings, he found all of them openly staring at the girl who was now standing to Father's right with Mom holding her in place.

One and Two both seemed to be scowling for very different reasons. Three looked like she didn't know whether to be thrilled at another girl in the house or jealous. Four looked both thrilled and unsettled by her presence, while Six and Seven just looked confused. D-13 seemed to see this too and met his gaze again. It seemed as if she had settled on him because her gaze did not move, not even when Father began to speak.

“D-13, this is the Umbrella Academy.”

Five was aware that his Father went off on a tangent about him and his siblings, about how they were being groomed to save the world. However, having heard this countless times, he elected to ignore it. Though he was vaguely aware that it took his Father nearly 15 minutes before he introduced them all by Number. Instead, he occupied his time with what was apparently a staring contest between him and D-13. Neither looked away, eye contact barely broken as she continued to blink at him and he refused to back down. It was almost funny, the way she looked at him so blankly. Five let his head fall ever so slightly to the right, lips twitching into something that might’ve been a smile when she copied him ever so slowly.

The moment was only broken when Mom began to lead D-13 to a seat at the table. Something which seemed to startle her, based on how her head whipped around to look at Mom when she helped lift her into a chair. It was at that moment that they realized the seating arrangements were slightly off. Seven was no longer across from Father, instead she was guided into the seat across from Five while everyone on that side shifted up slightly on the newly extended table. This left Five and Seven on either side of the new girl. Silence reigned as always during dinner, with the dull drone of a lecture as a background to the clattering of silverware on plates. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw tiny hands slowly pick up a knife and fork. Turning his head slightly, he watched as she tentatively began to cut her food like she wasn’t quite sure how to. Looking at her briefly, he noticed that she was watching his plate or more likely - his hands.

_She doesn’t know what she’s doing._

Five took a moment to think about this. Something like eating with a fork shouldn’t be hard. Why did she need to copy him? Had no one taught her something so basic? He thought back to his lessons on manners with his Mom and etiquette with Father. While dull and boring, at least he knew how to use utensils. Would D-13 get the same lessons or did Father expect her to know these things? Probably the latter if Five was going to guess.

With a deep breath, Five made a decision that would set the tone for his relationship with the little girl to his right. Slowly, he began to cut his food into small pieces - angling his hands so as to make sure big eyes could see exactly what he was doing. Every move he made was deliberate in its silent instruction and when their gaze met half way through the meal, her lips twitched into something that might’ve been a smile.


	3. From the Mouths of Babes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting to know D-13.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody’s a critic. 
> 
> Except Ben and Vanya, those little angels.

It was an adjustment to welcome another child in the home. Most found reasons to complain about D-13 and how she changed the house.

One was bitter that she didn't join them for training. Instead she was taken away for _specialized_ training with Father. Of course, to One anyone getting time with Father was a threat to his position as a leader. In his mind, she was there to serve as a replacement, why else would Father spend so much time training her when he could be training _him_? None of them really knew what that meant though. Yet.

Only that the sweats she wore went from dove grey to pitch back after the first session.

Two tried to hold out, to try and like her-but she was rude to Mom! Well, not really... the few times they had heard her speak in her quiet voice, she was thanking Mom for something. But she called her _Ma'am_ \- Mom had tried to correct her but she _refused!_ Eventually Mom just told her to call her Grace and now she called Mom _'Gracie'!_ As far as Two was concerned that was a slap in Mom's face!

Sure, Mom smiled all the same when D-13 let out a little "Thanks, Gracie." - but Two could tell she felt hurt by the rejection.

Three resented when D-13 got attention from anyone for anything. She was used to being the one of two girls that people payed attention to. Now, there was an attention stealing third that spent time with Father and everyone was trying to figure out. So when One glared, so did she. When Father called for D-13, she felt resentment build in her chest like acid. When the others brought her up, she couldn’t help her voice from growing catty.

**"I heard a rumor you wanted to talk about something else."**

Four had nothing against her, really! He couldn't put it into words, why he avoided her. She just felt **wrong**. There was something about her presence that _itched_ at the back of his mind. He didn't know what to make of it so, in true Number Four fashion, he avoided it. A small part of him, the part that craved attention, saw a quiet girl who wouldn't push him away or tell him to shut up and wanted to sit with her.

But he always chickened out before he could get too close.

Five however seemed to warm to her the quickest, much to the surprise of everyone. It started as an exploration of the unknown, getting to know her. This strange little girl that Five had quickly decided was harmless. D-13 was attentive, so very aware of her surroundings and refused to break eye contact with him if their eyes locked in conversation. It made Five’s little chest puff up in pride at having her complete attention with something as simple as a look. She was quiet, at least in the very beginning. When he first approached her alone, a week after she arrived, he was lucky to get two words out of her. Mostly, she nodded at him when it was warranted and hummed little noises to his questions. It left him to do most of the talking, something he was more than happy to do most days. Sometimes though, he'd just sit with her and let the silence settle comfortably around them.

It took _a month_ , but eventually she must have realised that it was safe to speak - at least with Five. She kept her voice low and wouldn't speak aloud to him in front of others, but she started to contribute to their private conversations. For the most part, she asked him questions - something that didn't annoy him like it usually would. Probably because she was so earnest, wide eyes attentive as he explained what he could and patient as he dragged them to the library to look up what he couldn't. He’d also figured out most of her little hums and facial ticks now, making it infinitely easier to read her when she didn't feel like speaking. It helped that he knew what her smile really looked like now.

Five concluded that anyone who didn't like D-13 was an idiot.

Six took his time in his approach. Even as young as he was, he was acutely aware of the thing in the pit of his stomach. He knew to keep his distance, in case it came out to play. He didn't want to scare D-13, so he kept a comfortable distance from her when he could. One day about two months after she moved in though, he saw her after her training with Father. To him, all the signs were there. The exhausted stumble, the subtle wincing, the way her arms wrapped tight around her middle like it could keep her together. She looked like he felt when Father made him pull the thing in the pit out over and _over_. After that, Number Six found himself looking for D-13 after her training and sitting with her in silence, offering what little comfort he could.

He'd ask what it was like, but he knew she didn't want to talk about it.

Seven never even approached her. Both were too quiet to strike a conversation, too shy to seek one another out. It was Five who made the introduction actually. The day he made that decision, he'd been trying to pick who he'd sit with in the library - only to realize that he didn't have to choose. He dragged them both to a table with a quick " _D, this is Seven._ " and that was that. Although, It wasn't until D-13 started seeking Seven out while the others were training that they started to really warm up to each other.

Seven thought they were kindred spirits, on the outskirts of the Umbrella Academy.

-

Eight months. That’s how long D-13 was in the mansion before Reginald introduced her to the rest of the Academy's training schedule. He said she was ready to begin contributing to the others’ development as well as her own. _Saving the world isn't easy,_ he said, _everyone has a part to play._ She didn't want to, not if it was anything like the training she was already receiving. But it wasn't as if she could say no, Mr. Hargreeves might send her back and then what would she have? A cold lab, going through the same things all alone?

At least here, there was more than cold eyes in white coats. Here, there was a sweet lady who fed her three times a day, a chimpanzee who was kind enough to walk her to _her_ room when training was done. There were people who sat with her when her bones ached too much or the walls started to close in around her. There was Five.

Five, who said he was her friend - just the once.

The first question she ever asked him _"Why do you talk to me so much?"_ had been met with a dismissive _"Because we're friends."_ He'd then gone on a rant about how no one listened like she did, that ironically enough she didn't really listen to. He'd said it so casually, like it was an obvious conclusion that she should have already reached. _Friends._ She would never admit it to Five, but she'd looked up the word after he'd left for training. A few tears were hidden in the sleeve of her dark sweatshirt when she fully realized what he'd meant. She'd never had a friend in her life, but now she did. It was something of a revelation to her.

After that, she tried harder. Opened up more to Five, so he knew how much he meant to her. Sought out Six and Seven, so they knew that she valued them too. Tried to be kind to the others, who she could tell didn't like her as much...if at all. What she'd found here in this house was worth more than anything - it was _priceless_.

So, D-13 would train and play her part, if it meant she kept those who meant the world to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of hints to what D-13 can do, can y’all guess??


	4. The Giggle at a Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time jump and D-13 gets some character development.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They grow up so fast!
> 
> (Don’t worry, there are flash backs to when they were tiny later on.)

**4 Years Later.**

Five's nails were going to break the skin of his palms at this rate. His hands refused to unfurl from fists, pressed tight to his thighs to hide how they were shaking. Everything in him wanted to jump into the sparing match in front of him and put an end to it. He wanted to put his fist through Luther's face, take his girl and run. But Dad was right there, watching to see their 'progress' as his brute of a brother tried his best to throw 'D-13' around.

He had to give it to her though, she wasn't making it easy. She was a quick little thing and deceptively strong for her size. Avoiding fists and kicks before flitting through his defences to land hits that made even Luther rock back. Pride swelled in his chest when he saw Luther take a punch to the cheek that left him shaking his head. Though it was quickly overshadowed by fury when his brother caught the foot aimed at his stomach. Five watched One pick his girl clear off the floor and fling her across the room into the wall. The only thing stopping him from jumping to her was the fact that she popped right back up, unfazed as she popped her arm back into place.

She'd have taken a running start back into it, but when she braced herself - the shrill tone of a whistle sounded.

"Enough."

A single word from Reginald was enough to have them all standing at attention. There was very little to his dismissal. It was curt - _as always_ \- and Five was vaguely aware that they were being instructed to clean up before reporting to the library for the afternoon. Almost immediately after, Father was walking away, likely to hole up in his office until dinner.

As soon as the old man was gone, Five had jumped across the room and taken ahold of his girl to jump them to the nearest bathroom. He busied himself with getting a wash cloth wet in the sink, letting the water run until it was hot. The faint rustle of clothes shifting sounded behind him followed by the dull thump of them hitting the ground. When he turned around, it was to face the too familiar sight of his best friend in the shorts and tank top she wore beneath her black sweats. With blood starting to dry over deep purple bruises that were fading to yellow while Five took stock of what little damage was left.

"How many bones did he break?"

The stern tone of voice Five adopted didn't match the gentle way his hands took her arm and started to scrub the red away. Much to his annoyance, he was met with a shrug and a casual reply.

"Only four poked through I think, couldn’t tell you how many broke."

A scowl was on Five's face before she had even finished her sentence. He _hated_ when she spared with Luther - it probably never even crossed his brother's mind to go easy on her. Not when he knew her body would simply put itself back together. At least when Diego trained with her, he had the decency to pretend to miss or at least aim for parts of her that wouldn't do too much damage. But One had something to prove, so he went all out every time and it lead to him chipping bone fragments crusted in blood off her shoulder.

"One of these days I'm going to give Luther a taste of his own medicine, hit him with a car - or the moon."

Five's grumbling was met with a giggle when he turned her around to get her back. A smile tugged up the corner of his mouth at the sound while he dragged the rag across her shoulder blades. When his hand reached the right one, it lingered on the faded black ink there.

**B/1/R D-13.**

It was so tiny, you'd miss it if you weren't as close to her as Five was right then. He had his theories about why her skin hadn't healed over it, none of which were pleasant. The tattoo was something so old, she didn't even remember getting it. Hadn't even known it was there until Five saw it the first time he'd cleaned her up after a long training session with Diego. When he'd asked what it meant, she'd hummed at him and stated very matter of factly that it was her full name - _her identifier._

"You doubting me, Birdie?"

His tone was light and teasing while he pressed his fingers into her sides to check for any damp patches where ribs poked through. When he found none, he dug them in a little to feel her jump back into his arms with a laugh.

"You? Hurt your family, you big softie?"

She spun around with that little smile of hers to meet Five's scowl. It had no heat behind it while he was still smirking though.

"I'm capable of a lot of things."

He was only half-joking, looking at her just then. But Birdie knew him better than that, he could see it in the way she nodded along indulgently.

"Yes, you are, Mr. bends-space-to-his-will, " there was a laugh in her voice, "but even you can't do that."

Five would refuse he pouted till the day he died.

"Come on, Five. I'm all better and we need to go to the library."

Grumbling about already being ahead on his work, he jumped them to her room. He watched her pull out another pair of black sweats and wondered for the thousandth time why she didn’t at least get a uniform like the rest of them. Casting her closet a foul look, Five took her hand again to jump to the library as he filed away half an idea.

Landing by their table where Ben and Vanya already sat, the pair settled in beside each other. When Birdie went to pull away as usual, Five kept his hold and returned her questioning gaze with the carefully blank one he adopted when he was unsure about something. She just smiled, a new shy one from beneath her lashes and he squeezed her hand while his mouth went dry. Turning to the others at the table, they were met with amused faces and questions about morning lessons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Were D-13’s powers clear enough without outright explaining them? Also how do y’all feel about her new name? I thought it was cute and as you can tell the Kids have received their names. I didn’t really want to stick to D-13 the whole time.


	5. Feeling More Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A deeper look at training with Birdie and how it’s changed some things over the past four years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This shit got sad and I’m sorry.

Life was very different in the mansion after D-13 began training with the others.

Luther hadn’t hesitated when Reginald had told him not to hold back in their first sparing match. He’d fought viciously without restraint and she could still remember how his first punch shattered the left side of her rib cage. She was just glad that for some unknown reason Mr. Hargreeves had decided to start off with private sessions with each of the children. She couldn’t imagine how Five would have reacted to those first few matches. Before she had learned how to fight, Luther had landed more hits and broke bone more often than not. Five could barely stop himself from stepping in now, he’d lose his mind if he knew about the times her neck had snapped when they were younger.

At least Luther had stopped glaring at her in the halls. He never warmed to her, preferring to spend his time with Allison or attempting to ‘lead’ his siblings - which never really amounted to much outside of training. On the bright side, he no longer considered her a threat, which meant that he no longer considered her at all. Avoiding her would be too much effort, but he never sought her out or spoke to her unless absolutely necessary. The few times they’d been alone together in a room, it had been because he didn’t realize she was in there. Which was fine by her in all honesty. She tried not to hold anything against the others for what training entailed, but Luther was someone she was happy to keep her distance from when she could.

-

Diego had reacted to their time together completely differently. His training had actually brought them closer, after all - you can’t just feel nothing when you’re forced to throw knives at an innocent person. The first few sessions were the hardest. Reginald had D-13 stand still while Two sank his knives into specific regions from across the room, like she was a living target. It left them pale and shaking after, but she never held it against him. Especially not after he came up to her with a plate of Gracie’s cookies, stuttering over his apologies and looking like he’d cry anytime she flinched for weeks.

After that, the sessions got easier. Reginald let her dodge and she was able to convince Diego that it was like a game. It wasn’t and they both knew it, but they needed to cope somehow. So she ran, ducked, and dodged while he tried to hit the fleshy parts of her - when Reginald wasn’t demanding he go for the throat. Everytime she popped back up and (when Mr. Hargreeves wasn’t looking) stuck her tongue out while she did a little dance. There wasn’t much they could do to make it better, Diego was simply too good to fake missing too much and Birdie was afraid of what Reginald would do to him if he did.

But they could pretend about other things.

They could pretend that it was all a game.

That the knives didn’t feel as heavy as lead when they left his hand.

That they didn’t burn like fire as they sunk into her, tearing at her flesh while she ran around trying her best to dodge for both of their sakes.

That he didn’t feel like a monster when they struck true and his friend’s body hit the ground with a familiar thump.

It was all a game and they won everytime she got back up.

-

Allison was different. She never hesitated to use her power on anyone, so Mr. Hargreeves knew exactly what her rumors could do.

However, Allison wasn’t as strong as most of the boys were, at least according to her Father. So, for their sessions he forced the pair to spar. No powers, simply hand to hand combat until one (or both) of them couldn’t get back up. Went on and on about how one day Number Three would need to be useful for something other then her voice. Every time he said that, D-13 saw Allison blink a little harder than usual, like she was trying not to flinch.

So, she tried to be kind. Birdie didn’t hold back, no - that wouldn’t help anything. Besides, while she thought Reginald was wrong, it wouldn’t hurt for Allison to know how to break someone’s jaw if she needed to. The world was a dangerous place from what she could tell.

Instead, she helped the other girl up after their fights. It took a couple tries before Allison realized that D-13 was being nice, refusing her hand the first two times it was offered. Taking her hand the first time established something of an unspoken understanding between the two girls. When she could get away with it, Birdie started to mime moves for the other girl to imitate. Tried to silently share some tips when Reginald was preoccupied writing observations down.

Eventually, Allison passed her a note in the library asking her how she was so good at dodging her kicks. This resulted in a chain of passed notes that disolved from defensive strategy to questions Birdie had about how Allison’s nails kept changing color. Which lead to Allison sneaking into her room one night to paint her nails a soft pink that had Five asking a million questions while he played with her fingers.

When Vanya saw, it took her three days to work up the nerve to ask her about it. Birdie had just scribbled a note that she slipped in Allison’s pocket as they passed each other in the hall. That night, they snuck in to paint Vanya’s nails a dark blue that glittered.

After that, folded slips of paper built up in little hidden places of each of the three girls’ rooms.

-

Klaus still felt on edge around her. Though the more time he spent with her, the easier it was to be around her. She honestly hadn’t expected to train with him, what with his power being what it was. She wasn’t even sure she’d ever die - let alone become a ghost, so how was she supposed to help him? But she had underestimated Reginald.

How could she have seen it coming? The bullet was in her head before she could blink.

She was just grateful that she apparently could become a ghost, at least for a little while. Before Klaus could scream about her body hitting the floor, she was standing next to him shushing him gently. Birdie hadn’t let him look at her on the floor, demanded that he looked her in the eye while she explained that everything would be fine. That all he had to do was try and do what Reginald said, that it was all going to be okay if he just tried.

So, he did. He tried to do anything, anything at all with her spirit before it went back to her body. Tried to shove her spirit back into her body faster so he wouldn’t have to deal with it. Faked trying to keep her spirit out of her body when his Father demanded it. Pulled his power closer to him then he ever had before while her body slowly put itself back to normal. Every so often, she flickered the same blue as his hands for a split second.

She caught glimpses into what his life was like, saw the ghosts that would sometimes show up. When she wasn’t comforting him in their sessions, she was beating them back and yelling at them to fuck off (a phrase she learned from Five, who learned it from a book). It was something that Klaus loved her for very much, even if it rarely worked. Especially the few times it did. A small shameful part of him was grateful for her time as a spirit, so very few of them were as nice as her. Coming back for her was easy, like the space between blinks - one second she was out of her body, the next she was in.

If she exaggerated, gasping as she sat up so he could hear her breathing, that was her business.

If Klaus stopped avoiding her, hugging her whenever he could to make sure she was real, that was his.

-

Five was simultaneously the easiest and hardest to train with. It began as an extension on his regular training. Reginald wanted him to be able to jump with another person as easily as he jumped alone, thought that it was the best for the Academy if he was able to provide emergency extractions when necessary. So he had Five jump with his girl in his arms, something they were more than happy to do - once she’d gotten used to the sensation of her atoms spreading and condensing rapidly.

It had taken months, but eventually jumping with her was nearly as effortless as jumping alone. He didn’t think it would ever be the same, but it was reasonable that it took more energy to teleport a greater mass. He had his theories though, with the way his powers were already adapting this early. He’d only get better with age, more capable. The possibilities were _endless_ and only time could tell what his limits were. It was something he dwelled on, rambling to Birdie while she listened attentively to all the things he wanted to test - all the things he wanted to learn about himself.

Though once she knew what it was like when he pushed himself, she started rubbing his hands soothingly when they were alone. Sneaking ice packs from the infirmary to press to his joints when they ached, using ice water and rags to soothe the fire that spread beneath his skin. Her body was _built_ to recover from things like this. Built to return to its default faster than his, so the pain never lingered long. But if it was even a fraction of what he felt, she’d do _anything_ to take it away.

Reginald wasn’t satisfied though, never really would be.

Mr. Hargreeves pushed them to go faster and farther everytime, until eventually he had Five jumping so fast they barely had their feet under them before the next. Over and over until they were both too dizzy to go on, and then he had him drop Birdie to continue on alone. Popping in and out while his girl knelt dry heaving in the middle of the room.

The first time Reginald used his cane to ‘motivate’ Five, she’d almost screamed. Only habit had her bite her tongue instead. Copper hit the back of her throat before she could heal where she’d bitten through. It had worked though, driving Five faster and faster until he collapsed. Partially to avoid the swings, primarily to avoid the look on Birdie’s face everytime one landed. After those sessions, he’d walk her to her room - only to sneak back in later. He was always met with a dark room and near silent sniffles coming from her bed.

It was the only time Five saw her cry and he always crawled in with her.

Held her to reassure both of them that they were there, staying perfectly still.

Whispered little apologies into her hair while his very atoms seemed to ache.

-

Ben trained with her _once_.

Just the once. Neither of them liked to think about what happened that day. Didn’t like to think about how it didn’t really serve any purpose other than to answer a single question for Reginald.

_What would happen?_

What would happen was Ben would avoid her for weeks, haunted by what he’d been forced to do to her. The way she’d looked at him when he tried to protest. Like she was begging him to just go along with it. Birdie knew she’d be fine, though she wasn’t prepared for how much it _hurt_. She’d actually screamed, just the once before it was cut off. Something that she beat herself up about, because she knows it’s something Ben can never unhear.

She gave him space until she couldn’t. Cornering him in the library was the best she could do, making him look her in the eye when she told him that it was okay. That she didn’t hold it against him, not when she knows that he would never do that if he had any choice. He tried to protest again, saying he could have chosen not to go along with it. It sounded weak even to him and Birdie had just asked him what would have happened if he did? What would his Father have done if he refused?

The fact that he didn’t know the answer scared him. When she wrapped her arms firmly around his middle like he was the last thing she was afraid of, he felt tears burn behind his eyelids.

If she felt them land in her hair, she didn’t say anything.

She just held him until he was ready to let go.

They stood there a long time.

-

Vanya hadn’t known how to handle Birdie training with the others. Instead of them spending the time together, she was all alone again. She worried that Birdie would leave her behind, would join the Academy as a _real_ member and be done with someone _ordinary_ like her. The poisonous thoughts ate away at her, making her pull away from her friend more and more. It didn’t last though. Birdie only let her get away with it for a week before she snuck into her room one night to ask her what she’d done wrong.

It took some prodding before Vanya finally told her how scared she was. She expected to be laughed at for being so insecure, to be told that of course Birdie would have to move on because she wasn’t _ordinary._

Instead she looked at her very seriously for a long time, trying to find the right words.

“I am never going to join the Academy, Vanya.”

It was a statement, fact in the tone she used and Vanya couldn’t help but ask her how she knew that.

“I might be special, but I’m not like your siblings. Reginald won’t send me out with them.”

When Vanya asked why she thought her Father had brought her to live with them then, she’d smiled. It was a too big for her face, like she was forcing it to reach her eyes.

“I’m the best training dummy money can buy, V.”

It was meant to be a joke, but it rang horrifyingly true in the quiet of the night.

After that Vanya didn’t worry about Birdie leaving her behind.

She worried about the pieces of her friend getting left behind in training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is gonna be cute to make up for this part. 
> 
> But it needed to be established.


	6. Born With Curiosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How the gang started going to Griddy’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my apology for the last chapter. 
> 
> Also the kids are 14 here, cause forget the timeline in the show - I’m telling the story here and I say tragedy doesn't strike at 13.

**April 21st, 2003.**

It was actually Allison's idea to sneak out of the house the first time, in a moment of daring genius while she'd been painting her sister's nails. The girls had gathered in Birdie's room (the most removed from the others) with Vanya and Allison already set up at her little desk pressed against the wall.

She'd been listening to Birdie complain about how stuffy her thick joggers were as she wrestled her sweatshirt off for the night. Cursing when the fluffy mass of her hair got in her face, making her trip back onto her tiny iron frame daybed which managed to dominate the space despite its size. In her defense, it was extremely difficult not to trip in her bedroom. It was slightly smaller than Vanya's, with barely enough room for _her_ \- not that it stopped people from making themselves comfortable in the minor privacy its location provided.

While she was plucking at the drawstring of her pants with chipped red nails, Allison had suddenly gasped. Half expecting nail polish to be spilled across her desk _again_ \- Birdie'd whipped her head around, untamed hair swinging wildly, to see what'd happened to get her friend so worked up. Before she could even ask though, the other girl was wiggling from her perch on the desk and bouncing on her toes.

"We should go shopping!"

The statement wasn't more than an excited whisper, but it was more than loud enough to reach the others in the room.

“How would we do somethin’ like that, Ally?”

Her words slurred slightly the way they always did after the tougher training days.

“We sneak out, duh!”

That was enough to get Birdie to laugh incredulously.

“I’m not ‘llowed off the grounds, let ‘lone to get non-regulation clothes.”

“Obviously! You can wear them to bed or when you’re just with us! We could get you something other than sweats!”

Allison refused to lose her enthusiasm, stubborn as she was. It was while Birdie was thinking wistfully about finally wearing a skirt or even a _dress_ like the others that Vanya finally cut in.

“With what money though?”

Allison was quick to wave her off.

“We don’t need money when I can just rumor people into ignoring us.”

“Isn’t that stealing?”

“Well, yeah - but Dee _needs_ some new clothes. So how bad is it really?”

“You could just rumor Pogo into giving you some money?”

“Isn’t that also stealing? What’s the difference?”

Birdie suddenly came back to reality as her friends seemingly planned an illegal shopping spree.

“No.”

It stopped the conversation in its tracks and Allison turned back to her.

“What do you mean _no_? Don’t you want new clothes?”

“Course I do, but gettin’ 'em is _way_ too dangerous. Where’d we even go?”

“I could rumor someone to tell us where to go!”

“How’d we even get out early ‘nough to go? Don’t places like that close at night?”

“Well, yeah but-“

“If we managed to get outta this house, it would have to be _after_ everyone went to sleep. What kinda place is open that late?”

Wind fully out of her sails, Allison flopped down on the bed beside her.

“I just wanted to do something nice for you, Birdie.”

Now feeling slightly guilty, she threw her arm around the other girl.

“You do nice stuff for me all the time, Ally. Stuff like this,” wiggling her chipped nails at the girl as she continued, “and it’s more than enough for me. Now go finish your sister’s nails so you can get to fixin’ mine.”

Her sentence was punctuated with a yawn that cracked her jaw and left her falling to lay on her back while the other girl bounced back over to the desk.

“Don’t fall asleep yet! I just have to do Vanya’s left hand.”

Tiredly waving her hand in the air while humming at the two girls giggling at her, she fought to keep her eyes open. Finding a spot on the ceiling to stare at for a while, she smiled to herself while she basked in the warm feeling in her chest that refused to budge.

-

Birdie should have _known_ that Allison wouldn’t drop it.

The next day she burst into her room with a cocky smile, demanding to know what size she was.

Somehow, she’d wrangled Five into helping her come up with a plan to get Birdie ‘some proper clothes’ - something she hadn’t known Five was bothered by. She felt strangely insecure for a moment when he seemed so happy to help, something that must have shown on her face because he was quick to reassure her.

“You deserve nice things, Birdie.”

He said it so plainly, in that tone of voice that she couldn’t help but believe.

_“Because we’re friends.”_

_"You shouldn’t have to do that.”_

_"He shouldn’t hit you like that just because you can take it.”_

_“You’re a person too.”_

_“You deserve nice things.”_

She was quick to check the tags on her clothes after that.

At least Five agreed it was too risky to sneak out when they didn’t know how far they’d have to go. Unfortunately, he thought it was the best idea to rumor Pogo. The plan was to have Allison rumor Pogo when Reginald was in his office and have him order Grace to add a few things to Birdie’s little cupboard where she stored her clothes. Since Gracie took care of all the laundry, she wouldn’t have to worry about her seeing things the robot thought that she was allowed to own. They decided that it was best to make up a list for the chimpanzee to give Mom and have him instruct her to throw it away once she’d scanned it. When Allison worried about Dad seeing it in Mom’s memories, Five was quick to dismiss it.

“He’d never even think to look, plus Mom is meant to be self-sufficient - she won’t question being instructed to provide for one of us.”

So, they poured over a list - at least she and Allison did. As happy as he was to help get his girl things she deserved, he was still baffled by all the things Allison brought up and the questions Birdie asked. He was secretly relieved she asked so many, glad that he could follow along while sitting silently on the bed. For the most part, Birdie was trying to keep Allison from going too overboard. When she rambled about colors, cuts, and fabrics - his girl was quick to shut down anything that she deemed too risky after she'd asked her questions.

They decided that the only colorful things she could wear would have to be what she could hide under her regular sweats, anything else would have to be black so they could blend in with the rest of her clothes. Allison said she had an old box she could use to hide her brighter clothes in beneath her bed, quick to start listing all the colors that she would look best in. Pink, red, and purple were on the list before Five chipped in that blues and greens would look better and Birdie _demanded_ that yellow be moved to the top of the list.

Settling on those for camisoles that would have to pass as tops, Allison started campaigning for a least one dress. _Just a single sundress!_ Birdie was reluctant to budge, but her desire to dress up like the girls in her friend’s magazines won out. Riding high on her victory, Allison tried for skirts in something other than black but his girl wasn’t swayed - though she agreed to a couple in three different styles, leaning over the pages of the magazine Allison had spread out on the desk to see what she liked.

Five had honestly zoned out for all the talk about shoes, he’d tried to follow along - _he really did_ , but somehow Allison had begun to talk even faster than before. Toward the end, all he could tell was that they had settled on sandals Birdie could hide in the bottom drawer of her desk, in black and white. He was shaking off the daze he’d fallen into while Birdie was dismissing the idea of getting any pants at all. Apparently, being forced to wear such thick pants every day had developed an aversion to _‘confining’_ herself - though she did say she’d just wear her sweats when she was cold.

He was still laughing about that, stretching to sit up against the wall her bed was pressed to when Allison very bluntly asked Birdie what her bra size was. His face instantly felt like it was on fire, no doubt bright red as he tilted his head back to stare up at the ceiling blankly. They carried on their conversation completely ignoring him, but Five was fully checked out on the details anyway.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t _noticed_ some things, he knew that they were getting older and their bodies were _changing_ according to a very awkward presentation from Mom. According to Mom (and the texts he’d read after), their bodies were supposed to change a lot during puberty and the female body did so faster than a male one. He even had his theories about how they’d all turn out with all their training and abilities, all of which could only be proven with age. The way he was feeling was _expected_ , it wasn’t weird that he noticed the way Birdie had ‘developed’ over the years.

Except that it felt very weird, that feeling in his stomach when he thought about what she wore beneath all her layers. The way it got worse when he held her hand or held her pressed against him - when he could _feel_ how she'd changed through their clothes. How it was getting harder and harder to not think about kissing her when they laid together in this very bed on the nights he snuck in. Hell, he didn’t even know if she knew what kissing _was_ \- let alone if she would want to do that with _him_. Sure, they held hands a lot more now - in front of the others even - and they were closer physically than he was to the others. He let Klaus initiate casual contact to ground him when they were together, let Ben and Vanya instigate it when it pleased them, but he _reached_ for Birdie.

Maybe he should explain some things to her, in case she didn't know. Had she gotten the same talk they had a couple of months ago? He didn’t think so, based on the way she was casually arguing about _panties_ with his sister while he was not even five feet away. _Or maybe she did,_ he thought while shifting in place, _and she just doesn’t care if he hears_. Though that might not mean anything, he honestly couldn’t think of anything she really hid from him. There may be things she hadn’t told him because he hadn't thought to ask, but she never shied away from telling him about the things he did.

Scowling up at the ceiling again, he let his thoughts run around in circles before he heard the sound of shoes hit the floor.

Looking up, he saw his sister stretching her arms above her head before she snatched up the list they’d finalized while he wasn’t paying attention.

“So tank tops, a sundress, some sandals, skirts, bras, panties, and ankle socks...are you sure I can’t get you some jackets or something I mean-“

“What’s on the list and nothing else! How am I supposed to hide more than that? We’re already pushing it, Ally!”

She was quick to surrender, throwing her hands up dramatically.

“Fine! I’ll get Pogo to do it as soon as I can get him alone, I promise.”

They shared a hug before Allison made her exit, probably off to stalk Pogo immediately.

She was out the door with a quick wave to Five, leaving him alone with his girl while the thought of asking for a kiss was fresh on his mind. He had no idea what to do and it didn't help that Birdie immediately settled into the space next to him on the bed. She was looking up at him expectedly - no doubt thinking he had plenty to say after being silent for so long. Only one thing came to mind when she looked at him like that these days though. Before he could blurt out something stupid or do something like lean down and _just-_

"I'll be back in a minute."

The familiar sound of him jumping away sounded in the now quiet room before she could say anything.

-

Three days later, Birdie opened her cupboard to an unfamiliar kaleidoscope of color and nearly fell over in shock. Once she had recovered, she let out the tiniest of squeaks in delight. She couldn't believe it worked! Reaching over to the space beneath her bed for the long flat box Allison had given her the day she rumored Pogo, she pulled it close and lifted the lid. With a quick look at the clock above her door, she started to pack all her new things away.

A familiar _thwip_ had her looking up from her work though, excited to share her discovery with Five. She was beaming up at him when his feet touched the ground and he was quick to return her smile.

"It came!"

Her statement of the obvious was accompanied by copious gesturing with her arms, which had him laughing.

“I can see. Get anything you really like?”

“It’s all amazing, Five! Look at all these colors!”

“Oh I’m sure it's all great, but what about this?”

Birdie watched him reach into her cupboard, eyebrows drawn in confusion as he pulled out a small black box.

“What’d you do, Five?”

Her voice was suspicious as he fiddled with the box nervously in his hands before he turned to her with a grin.

“You really thought I’d pass up getting you a real present?”

“You get me things!”

The pout was audible in her voice, even while she eyed the box with new interest.

“Stealing cookies from Diego for you doesn’t count,” she opened her mouth to protest again, but he didn’t let her, “Besides, I managed to sneak this on the list without Allison seeing me, no one but Mom knows about it and she won’t tell anyone who doesn’t ask.”

“Well...what is it?”

Taking a deep breath, he opened the box and slowly pulled a long platinum chain with a small medallion out. Her jaw dropped as it dangled from Five’s fingers, reflecting the light beautifully. Catching the medallion in her hand, she felt the weight of it in her palm. It was surprisingly heavy, the size of a nickel and polished to a stunning shine. On the side facing up, _‘Birdie’_ was engraved in a type writer’s font. When she turned it over in her fingers, she saw a little _‘5’_ on the other side. Her eyes burned at the sight of it, but before he could panic about that - his arms were full of his girl.

“It’s _perfect_.”

Pulling away, she ignored that her cheeks were a little wet and took ahold of the chain.

“It's the best present ever, how do I put it on?”

Taking it back from her, he had her hold her hair out of the way while he clasped it around her neck - making sure it was facing the right way, with the _‘5’_ facing her heart. It fell slightly below the middle of her chest and stood out against the black cotton of her sweatshirt.

“I asked for a longer chain, so you could tuck it away without having to worry about anyone seeing it.”

“You’re a genius! Now I never have to take it off!”

Her beaming smile had his palms sweating as he geared up for the next part of his plan.

“Birdie, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Anything.”

His mouth was unbearably dry.

“Could I kiss you?”

Her eyebrows drew together softly on her forehead.

“What’s a kiss?”

His face was burning.

“It’s when someone puts their lips on someone else’s - because they like them more than they like other people.”

Her eyes got as big as the day they met.

“ _Oh._ ”

He had never backed down faster in his life.

“We don’t have to! I just-“

“Okay.”

It was like time stood still, both of them staring at the other like they couldn’t believe this conversation was taking place.

“Really?”

His voice was breathless.

“Yes.”

Her heart was pounding behind platinum.

“Are you sure?”

There was a beat of silence before she nodded firmly at him.

“Yes, I would like you to kiss me.”

This was the best day in all his fourteen years on this Earth.

“Okay.”

They were silent as they leaned into each other. She tilted her head up, obviously expecting him to take the lead and he lowered his head to hers slowly - giving her time to pull away. She didn’t. His lips caught her bottom lip softly, sweet and chaste for a long moment before he pulled away to see her reaction. Her eyes were barely open, cheeks bright red and her mouth had fallen open slightly when he pulled away.

“Do it again.”

-

So it was Allison’s idea to sneak out.

Which lead to a grand scheme to get Birdie some real clothes, which lead to Five getting her a 'real' present and the nerve to kiss her. Which lead to a similar conversation about boyfriends and girlfriends (that Five pretended to know more about than he really did). Which lead to his idea of a date, _a real date_ \- outside the house, because she _deserved to be treated right._ Which lead to her telling Allison and Vanya, who each told Luther and Ben, who told Klaus, who told Diego. All of whom had no idea they were gatecrashing a date when they followed them out into the night.

Five and Birdie weren’t going to tell them, thinking it should have been obvious. They should have known when they saw Birdie in her new sundress, necklace shining against the soft yellow cotton. She was _stunning_ , even in the low lights of the donut shop they’d stumbled across down the street from the mansion.

Allison took full credit for Griddy’s nights.

(And later - their entire relationship, because she's like that.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to know what y’all think of this!
> 
> I thought it was super cute! Next chapter's all about Five from Birdie's POV tho.
> 
> (Also the comment section is like all the social interaction I get with COVID, so I will reply pretty much always - even if it is just to say thank you.)


	7. So Flawed and Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some firsts, some lasts, a funeral, and the smoothest escape plan ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, this chapter took some TURNS. I wasn’t even expecting how this one turned out.
> 
> So buckle up, kiddies! It’s a goddamn roller coaster of emotions.
> 
> [WARNINGS: There is a scene where things with Five and Birdie get sexual, while they are 16/17 in this chapter - this is the ONLY consensual underage scene between the two while everything that may happen down the line is when they are both older. However if you would rather not read it, I’ve marked it so you can skip it if you choose to. Also there is a moment where Birdie questions her age, something that isn't known to her. To soothe any worries I’ll let you know that she was born a couple months after the kids in late April of 1990. That’s why the scene where she gets presents for the first time is set in April. Either way, she and the others assume they're around the same age anyway.]

It was like a dam had broken, releasing all sorts of pent up emotions now that she and Five had decided to take things to the next level. It was almost unbearably overwhelming, just how much she was _feeling_ now that she'd begun to understand what her impulses meant. She still blushed in embarrassment when she thought about how she didn't even know _what a kiss was!_

Things were different now, with Five there to explain things and offer books when he couldn't get the words out over his blushing. The books had explained _so much_ , though they did raise certain questions. They talked about differences based on ethnicity, age, genetics - all things she didn't know about herself. Things she'd never really thought about, though maybe she could ask Gracie? The robot seemed to know all sorts of things, maybe she had a file on her?

Plus, Gracie wouldn't ask _why_ she wanted to know. Birdie still groaned when she remembered how Allison had _grilled_ her when she brought up boys for the first time. Vanya had just let her! The traitor had joined in on asking _why she wanted to know, huh?_ Absolutely ridiculous, squealing quietly when she finally told them about kissing Five. They had actually jumped on her when she said they were _dating_. Allison hadn't stopped talking after that, even going so far as to bring in magazines that allegedly had _‘everything she needed to know’_.

Allison had insisted that she keep some of them, so they went into the box beneath her bed. Some of them were useful while others didn’t really apply to her - she didn’t think playing ‘hard to get’ would do anything when her boyfriend lived in the same house. Though the one about _‘How Hot is Your Kiss?’_ definitely helped, especially after she showed it to Five and he insisted that they practice.

God, did things change after that. They tried to take things slow, to learn each other and see what they were comfortable with. But the issue with that was that it took _trying things_ to get answers. The answer, which is obvious looking back, is it seems to be impossible to make either of them uncomfortable when they know each other so well. That paired with raging hormones and all the practice they’ve had at finding time alone was bound to lead to where they were now.

[Scroll to the next set of brackets to skip the following scene.]

Which was Birdie being pressed into the mattress with Five on top of her, her legs hitched up his hips so he rested in the cradle of her thighs. The short skirt she’d taken to wearing when she was in her room for the night was only hiking up higher by the second, but she barely noticed it with the way Five was working on her neck. The first time he’d given her a hickie had been an accident, something he’d panicked about for the ten seconds it was there. Once he realized any marks he left wouldn’t last, he was quick to make as many as he could before Birdie pulled his head back up by his hair.

Something she did right then, dragging his mouth back to hers in an attempt to quiet herself before she could get too loud. Which Five _loved_ , all her little hums taking on a whole new tone (he’d been unbelievably smug after she’d moaned for the first time) and it was like she couldn’t stop them from spilling out. It only got worse with time as Five figured out exactly what she liked, memorizing all the spots that drove her wild.

But it wasn’t like she hadn’t learned a thing or two as well. With her abilities, she was still able to go on long after Five’s lips got puffy and sore. The first time she’d made him moan as loud as her was when he’d laid next her catching his breath while she lazily planted wet kisses at the base of his throat where she’d popped the top buttons of his shirt. On a whim, she’d run the tip of her tongue along his jaw before catching the bolt of it lightly with her teeth. The noise he made had her so excited she’d thrown her leg over his hips without thinking and rolled him underneath her, straddling him for the first time. She hadn’t thought to keep her weight off him, grinding her hips into his unwittingly and he’d let out a moan so loud she’d sat up thinking she’d hurt him. An assumption that continued when he hissed at the feeling of her sitting completely on his lap. He’d been quick to reassure her, let her know it didn’t hurt, that it in fact felt _entirely_ _too good_ and that they should probably wait to do things like that until they talked about it.

Her Five was such a gentleman, but the conversation was much shorter than he probably thought it would be. Birdie was as eager as him, wanting to make him feel good as much as he wanted to make her feel good. This was why she had no problem taking things further, like right now with the way she was stroking his tongue with hers while he rocked gently against her. They hadn’t gone farther than this, comfortable to grind and kiss and touch.

Oh, she _loved_ to touch.

She loved running her hands through his hair, pulling on the longer stands. Scratching her nails across the nape of his neck and down his arms, dropping her hands to the small of his back to slip beneath the bottom of his pajama top. Digging the tips of her fingers in to guide him against her a little harder, which has them both letting out noises into the space between their mouths. Smoothing her palms higher, feeling the muscles in his back shift before sinking her nails into his shoulder blades to scratch down the length of his spine. A move that has his hips twitching into her even harder, which she’s quick to encourage.

It’s when he moves his mouth back to her neck to begin working on the other side that she does something new.

She moans his name.

It’s an unspoken agreement, that they try to be as quiet as possible during nights like these - which are getting more and more frequent. They never wanted to know what would happen if they were caught by anyone other than his siblings, which was more awkward than could be believed. So they tried not to be vocal, though Birdie’s little sounds were inevitable - but easy to smother in his shoulder when they got carried away. The sound is out before she can stop herself however, what little self-control she has failing in the moment.

“ _Five_.”

For a second, he thinks she’s calling for him and he pulls back to look down at her. His hips fall still for a moment and she says his name again, but it sounds different.

“ _Fi-ve_.”

It’s the way her voice breaks that makes him realize that she’s calling out for him in a completely different way. It sends his hips rolling down hard, leaving them both panting. Her hips start twitching up to meet his and it sends him crashing to his elbows, their faces next to each other. Her knees go higher up his sides, ankles locking at his lower back - shifting the angle and making starbursts pop behind her eyelids. She starts rocking faster while she turns her head to whisper into space next to his ear.

“Oh god, _Five_. Faster?”

The sound of her voice so breathless and needy has his eyes rolling back, his hips picking up the pace without thinking. The sensation has her making all her little noises directly in his ear, which is just the last straw for him because before he knows it his face is buried in her neck again and words are pouring out of his mouth.

“You feel so _good_ beneath me, you have no idea, Birdie. Amazing, all spread out and moaning for me.”

She’s biting into his shirt, fingers on buttons trying to get to more skin.

“You like that? Miss the sound of my voice _when I have you like this?_ ”

He takes the strangled noise she makes as a yes, because it is. Her hands slipped to his hips, fingers curling into the waist of his pants and tugging questioningly. His head was nodding rapidly, knocking their foreheads together lightly and she pulls them low enough for him to slip out. She whimpers at the press of him though her panties, breathing getting heavier.

“Should’ve said something sooner, you have to ask for the things you _want_ , Birdie.”

She’s got his shirt undone, pushing it off and pulling him close. His fingers find the straps of her sleep tank and push them off her shoulders, she takes them - slips her arms out, and pushes it to the waist of her skirt. He pulls back when she starts wiggling, only to see her push all her clothes down her legs. He's quick to help her kick it off, taking the opportunity to get rid of the last of his clothes too. Before he could say anything else, she’d looped her arms around the back of his shoulders - biting her nails into his skin when she pulled him down on top of her again. Bare chest brushing his when she turned her head towards his again. 

“ _More?_ ”

His groan was low and long as he felt them press against each other, no space left between their bare skin. He can feel her pressed against him, hesitant to move before she does. She pulls him into a long kiss, reaching down to guide him toward her. Letting him rest against her entrance, waiting to see if he'd take the invitation. He did, ever so slowly sinking into her heat- letting her adjust, giving her time to stop him. She didn't. She just threw her head back with open-mouthed gasps at the feel of him in her. When he starts to move, he keeps his slow pace - unsure if he's hurting her. Which he decidedly isn't, based on the way she wraps herself around him. She's quick to reassure him that all she feels is amazing, pain not even a factor. Five guessed her ability was good for something. 

She works him up, just like before until they're back at their old pace. Rocking against each other steadily, more desperate than before with all of her little noises mixing with his. Eventually, she finds her voice again and it comes out stronger than before.

" _More._ "

Even as his body complies, his mouth is quick to start running again

“More of what, Birdie? Come on, be a good girl, and tell me.”

She went _wild_ beneath him, nail raking over his back with her head thrown back as her legs tighten around him.

“More of that? Should have known you wouldn’t need words to tell me what you like. You like being _my_ girl? _My good, good girl?_ ”

He’s lost all control of his hips, they were rolling down hard and fast as his mouth found the space beneath her ear.

“You like being _mine?_ ”

The yes that ripped from her throat was basically a sob.

“Say it again.”

She let out a chant of yeses as fire curled up in her stomach.

“Say my name.”

She gasped in his ear trying to get enough air to do it but her body was just curling up tighter.

“Say it for me. Come on. Say my name.”

She was trying, but she was breathing too hard.

“Be a good girl. _Say my name._ ”

The dam broke, her back arched up off the bed with the force of it. Hips still, waves of euphoria washing over her and pushing a single word out of her choked up throat.

“ _Fi-ve._ ”

At the feel of hot wet heat squeezing tight around him, he found himself falling over that same edge. Vision whiting out, hips stuttering to a stop as the force of his orgasm knocked the air out of his lungs. They laid there pressed together, boneless in the afterglow while they waited for their breathing to go back to normal.

[End of Scene]

Their relationship grew even deeper from that point on, becoming more and more intense. They weren’t together constantly, that was impossible with the lives they lead. Five had his missions with all his siblings, which took him away from the house more and more as they got older. Birdie never went with them, stuck in the house with Pogo and Gracie while the others were off saving people. Not even Vanya stayed behind, but then again she’d _known_ that her place was in the house. Not with the Academy. Reginald had made it perfectly clear that she was nothing more than a teaching aid without ever saying it.

But when Five was home, they tried to find as much time together as they always had. The space between missions was far from relaxed, but it seemed that age had Reginald focusing purely on training - which left them all with extra time to occupy themselves. They still received lessons, but they were no longer as challenging (falling victim to Reginald’s trademark neglect). Now, they mostly learned things that would help them on missions or when dealing with the publicity that came with being The Umbrella Academy.

Which was more than Birdie imagined, Reginald had marketed the children more than she thought he would. Taking them on talk shows, giving interviews, selling _merchandise_. She remembered the first time the Academy had let slip about her on television, Klaus had cracked a joke when Five had refused to answer a question about _‘if the Academy Kids had their eyes on anyone special?’_. It was a throwaway comment - _I’m telling Birdie!_ \- but it was said just a little too loudly and the interviewer had latched on, asking who she was. Five had saved the interview, deflecting until it was dropped - but Reginald hadn’t forgotten. For a month, Mr. Hargreeves put them through their paces to keep them away from each other. Kept them too busy to find spare time together, though once he’d decided he’d made his point he went back to ignoring them. Not that his little demonstration amounted to much.

They grew closer every day, but it surprisingly hadn’t changed much other than what they got up to behind closed doors. The pair still talked for hours about anything and everything, debating random things while taking bizarre stances to keep each other on their toes. Rarely did these ever grow heated, and only one had dissolved into an actual fight. The only fight they’d ever had in the entire time they’d know each other.

Of course, it was about time travel.

Five wholeheartedly believed it was something he was capable of, an innate feeling similar to his spacial jumps. When he began teleporting, it had been a culmination of an intense temporal vibration that built up for months before manifesting in his hands, and in a split second, he’d jumped across the room without moving because he’d just _known_ that he could. Time felt the same, he could feel it the same as space - though in a completely different way. He _knew_ that time was malleable in his hands, could feel the same build-up - could feel the threads that made up its very fabric against his fingertips if he focused.

Birdie had never been afraid before, not really. When you’ve faced the Horror in close quarters and walked away, very little fazes you. In fact, she has always felt a great deal of disconnect from fear, like she could only see it through a thick pane of glass. She knew objectively that it should be there, but she could never quite touch it or it her. But when Five told her that he could jump through time, fear had gripped her heart so fiercely that for a second she thought she was having a heart attack. Maybe she did, it wasn’t as if she could tell. She didn’t question his ability, she knew that the abstract nature of his powers was something he was probably _born_ to understand. Based on how equations seemed to form in his head that defied known physics, she wouldn’t be surprised if Five was the only person on the planet who would ever understand time and space as it exists for him.

So, she didn’t question that he was right. That he could bend time to his will, jump through it like he was using the threads of it to skip rope. She just questioned if he _should_. It wasn’t something he understood, as used to complete acceptance from her as he was. A brief moment of misunderstanding and it was like a spark in a powder keg they hadn’t even known was there. Before they knew it, voices were raised and words grew sharp as they were hurdled at each other with a precision that only Deigo could hope to replicate.

Both refused to budge, Birdie asking questions as she tried to poke holes in his plan while Five insisted that he knew the answers.

“How would you even control where you landed?” _What if you go too far?_

“Don’t you have to be familiar with a space before you can jump properly? How is time any different?” _What if you get lost?_

“Where would you even go?” _What if you’re all alone?_

“How do you know you can change things?” _What if it isn’t worth it?_

“What if you change too much and everything changes?” _What if we’re not the same?_

“Why do you even want to go right now?” _Why do you want to leave?_

“How will you get back?” _What if you don’t?_

Five dismissed every single one.

He was so confident, sure that he knew exactly what he was doing with the math beginning to take shape in his mind. He didn’t realize it was incomplete, thinking the math for a jump forward should work for the trip back and he was restless. He always had been, it was why he rebelled so openly. Bold when he felt he was being stifled, she’d seen him backtalk to Reginald too many times to count. The only time he obeyed was in training, eager as he was to push himself to his limits that he knew were farther than anyone thought.

But she knew that this was different. It was _Time_ he was playing with, and she pushed him to reconsider. Begged him to think about it a little longer. Demanded that he write out all the math, _prove to her that he could come back_. He’d actually calmed down a bit after that, finally seeing why she was so against this. She was scared, she thought that he’d leave and never come back. That was never his plan, never would be in a million years - which he spent hours reassuring her.

However, Five still didn’t budge. He told her everything would be okay, that she just needed to trust that he’d find his way back home. He didn’t explain much to her, though he did point out the sections in his notes where she’d find his math. He didn’t know how to explain it all to her, but it was there. Written in pen, numbers she couldn’t hope to understand sprawled on the pages of an entire journal.

“ _I‘ll come back_.”

He said it in that voice of his and she couldn’t help but believe him.

So, on that fateful day when he demanded training for his ability to time travel, she said nothing. When Reginald went on about acorns and trees, she stared at Five with wide eyes that were so very afraid. When Five ran out of the house, she didn’t run after him - no matter how much her entire body was begging her to. She sat perfectly still in her seat, stunned that he’d really done it. She knew he’d done it too, made the jump he was so desperate to. Because he didn’t come back that night, or the next or the one after that.

Birdie didn’t know when, but she knew Five would be back.

He had to come back.

Anything else was unthinkable.

-

It has been two months since Five disappeared and Ben is dead.

Ben is dead.

It’s the only thing that’s gotten through to her in weeks, it’s playing in her head over and over like the world’s worst music box.

FiveisgoneandBenisdead _FiveisgoneandBenisdead_ ** _FIVEISGONEANDBENISDEAD_ **.

Birdie doesn’t know what to do with herself. Doesn’t know what to do with the new portrait of the love of her life over the fireplace or the fact that there is a funeral taking place in the courtyard today. There is a great yawning emptiness in her chest that won't heal, a pain that persists like it never has before and for a moment she wonders if she’ll die from this. Could she? If her body just...gave up? It was in a book she read once, broken hearts were a real thing and they killed people. Would that kill her? Or would her ability keep her alive, even as her heart broke anew every day?

She didn’t know.

So she got up, got ready for the funeral of one her closest friends - _her brother_ \- the one who’d held her when she’d finally broken down and cried about Five. She dressed in her sweats, anything else would be unacceptable in front of Reginald. At least they were black. As she forced herself out of her room and down to the courtyard, she saw the others who all looked as lost as her. Just as devastatingly confused about how they all got there, even though they knew better than she did. After all, they’d been there. On that mission gone wrong, where the Horror had pushed Ben's body too far. Apparently, Luther had actually seen it happen.

As they made their way to a coffin beneath a bronze statue that looked nothing like her Benny, the tears flowed unchecked from everyone but Reginald. As he made his little speech, laying blame on shoulders too weak to bear it, rage flooded through her. It was the most intense thing she’d felt beyond the pain in weeks and she latched on to it with all her strength.

“You trained them.”

Her voice was hollow but firm in her conviction and silence reigned as they watched D-13 speak to Reginald for the first time.

“I watched you train them all. You taught Number Six nothing but destruction and death. He pushed for control over the Horror, but he could only do so much with you pushing him to do more. Now he’s dead. You failed.”

“Enough, D-13! I will not-“

“You won’t what? Admit it? You don’t have to. I’ve known since the day you had Ben rip me apart that you were a failure. It's not about what you admit. It's about what we know.”

“You know nothing-“

“I know that you are more of a monster than Benny ever was. I know that you will die alone surrounded by your mistakes and, unlike today, none of us will cry at your funeral.”

The kids were starring at Birdie as if she’d actually sprouted wings. It was like they’d never seen her before, but her words struck deep in their hearts and all but One turned to glare at their Father.

For a moment, Reginald simply stared at her. Looking deep into the cruel eyes of the man who owned her, she felt no fear - only resolve in what would have to come next. When his eyes left hers, jaw tight as he turned to walk into the mansion with Pogo, she knew one of two things was going to happen. He would either ready the room beneath the house he once used for her ‘special training’ and store her there or he’d go to his office for the night to arrange for her placement elsewhere.

Turning to the mourning children around her, she let them know what she had to do.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

Deigo was the first to speak up.

“G-go? W-w-where?”

He sounded so worried, it broke her heart all over again.

“Anywhere but here. Reginald won’t let what just happened slide. He doesn’t need me anymore and he knows it. I have to go before he gets rid of me.”

Allison’s voice broke as it reached her ears.

“You’re just going to leave?”

For a second, she hesitated but she knew she couldn’t stay much longer.

“I maybe have until tomorrow morning, but I can’t stay. I don’t know what he’ll do, where I’ll end up if I stay.”

Klaus laughed a high pitched thing that sounded half-mad.

“You say that like you’re not a person! He can’t just do that!”

“I’m not. At least not to him. He’ll do what he wants. You know that.”

Vanya’s voice was louder than she’d ever heard it.

“Where will you go?”

For a second, she's reminded so vividly of her last conversation with Five it took her breath away.

“I don’t know. I’ll take my things with me, find work and a place to sleep. I’ll...stay close, in the city.”

“Y-you’re s-serious? You’re l-leaving?”

“I have to.”

Allison was crying harder by the second.

“Will we ever even see you again? We can’t lose you too, Birdie!”

Guilt twisted her heart so violently, she looked down to check that her chest wasn’t open.

“You could come with me.”

It was so soft they almost didn’t hear it, but the way the air changed showed that they did and the words were passing her lips again - more urgent than before.

“Any of you, you could come with me. You’re old enough, we could leave! Find somewhere for all of us - _you could come with me_.”

There were tears in her eyes again, blurring her vision as more silence surrounded her with its suffocating weight.

“I’ll leave when the sun goes down in a couple of hours. I’ll go the way we always do, I’ll wait...if any of you change your minds. You’ll know where I’ll be.”

Allison spoke up, voice filled with desperation.

“I’ll make sure no one stops you. I-I can’t, I-I don’t,” she wasn’t sure what she wanted to stay, “I’ll rumor Pogo to order Mom to help you! No one will stop you if you really need to go.”

Birdie let out something like a relieved sob.

“Thanks, Ally. Get in touch when you’re ready to get out of here, yeah?”

She smiled at the way Allison’s curls bounced while she nodded at her rapidly, quick to latch onto a promise to see each other again.

It was that moment that Pogo walked back into the courtyard, seemingly to collect the children. The rumor was out before Allison could choke on the words that would send her best friend away.

“ **I heard a rumor you and Mom did everything to help D-13 escape.** ”

-

Reginald was an extremely arrogant man. He had gone into his study and stayed there while the children came into the house behind a foggy eyed Pogo. He never thought that they’d try and leave - let alone help each other do so. They followed Pogo to the kitchen, even Luther stayed though he looked torn about it. He’d never been close to D- _Birdie_ , but the way she’d told his Father that Ben’s death wasn’t on the team - _wasn’t on him_ \- had him feeling like he should stay, if at the very least to say goodbye.

When they reached Grace, they were relieved when she only paused briefly - smile strangely fixed for a moment - before agreeing to help. Walking into Pogo’s workspace was a surreal experience, as was watching him produce a file marked **B/1/R D-13** \- which contained documents for her. Papers that made her a real person, in case someone had ever asked who she was. She suddenly understood that Reginald was prepared to make her as real as the rest of them - he’d simply chosen not to. A birth certificate, a social security card, everything she needed to be a person was in that file under the name _Birdie Grace_.

“Who filled all this out? Where'd the last name come from?”

She wasn’t expecting Grace to answer her.

“I did, sweetie. Mr. Hargreeves had me make all this for you, but he didn’t permit his name to be used as he had with the other children.”

“So you gave me yours?”

Her voice was broken and small, crying again at the warm smile on the robot’s face.

“Of course! I couldn’t leave my youngest with no last name! Five had already given you a beautiful first one.”

Birdie threw her arms around her for the first time. It took a second, but Gracie returned it.

“Thanks, Mom.”

Grace’s programming faltered, unused to Birdie using her other name. She’d filed her refusal away nearly a decade ago and worked around the gap in her code. _Gracie_ was the same as _Mom_ in her system, but it would seem that she no longer needed the override.

“You’re welcome, sweetie. Now, let’s make sure you have everything you need.”

Watching as Gra- _Mom_ walked over to a closet, she wiped at her face roughly trying to scrub it clean with her palms. She suddenly felt hands on her, making her jump slightly before looking back to see Vanya and Klaus behind her. She shared shaky smiles with both of them before she turned back at the sound of a safe opening. They all gaped as Mom started pulling stacks of bills and placing them in the bag, pausing briefly like she was double-checking something before adding a few more. She turned to them with a cheery _‘For inflation!’_ , before asking a question.

“Is it just Birdie or are you children going with her?”

She whipped around at the sound of Klaus, Vanya, and Diego speaking up.

“I’m so in!”

“I’m going too.”

“I’m going, Mom.”

Deigo was the one everyone starred at, the most shocking volunteer, which he just responded to with a glare and a shrug.

“I don’t want to l-leave M-mom, but someone needs to take care of you t-three.”

The smile that took over her face was the first real one in a long time and she nodded at him in approval before turning to the other two.

“You sure about this? There's really no backing out.”

Klaus grinned at her, his eyes flitting to the empty space next to him.

“I’ve been ready to break out of this place for years! At least now I’ll have company!”

Vanya’s smile was smaller but no less sure.

“I don’t belong here anyway. I’d rather be with you guys.”

Allison tugged Vanya into a hug at that but stayed silent. It seemed she was reluctant to leave without Luther, and he wasn’t even considering it. Turning back to Mom, they watched as she placed more files into the bag, as well as some extra money _‘to make sure you have enough to eat!’_. After that, they all went upstairs to their rooms to pack up what they could using the duffle bags they used for shorter missions. Birdie snuck into Five’s room to take his, having nothing of her own to use. She lingered in the empty room for a painful moment and shut the door firmly behind herself as she went to pack.

The box beneath her bed had served a number of purposes. The first was to hide her non-regulation clothes, the next was to hide the notes she had passed with the other girls as well as the magazines from Allison, and the third was to hide Five’s journal. The journal filled with the equations that proved he would be back someday. It wasn't enough to fill even half the duffle, so she stuck some of her regulations clothes in there too before she settled in to wait for sundown.

The second light began to fade from her little window, she was up and making her way out of her room without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm being honest when I say I didn't know this was where I was going with this chapter.
> 
> I kept it mostly as I first wrote it, mainly because I think we needed to speed up the narrative to get to the context of the show faster. [I have the BEST plan for Reggie's funeral scene and Five's return]
> 
> Quick recap; Five jumped right after they turned 17, Ben died two months later [I'm sorry], Birdie finally stood up to Reginald, and escaped shortly after with Klaus, Vanya, and Diego [because I always thought they were the most desperate for the family they once had: Allison had her eyes set on different things when they were younger and Luther is taking a MINUTE to realize that this even IS a family]
> 
> Next Chapter: We establish life for the four escapees, we see how things are different than canon, and there's another funeral.


	8. A Little Remedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timelines are established, the old bastard finally dies, and someone finally comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all ready for this??
> 
> Cause I'm not!

They got the cheapest three-bedroom they could find.

It took a few days, but they found an ad for an apartment big enough for all of them. The money helped since they didn't have to stay on the street - instead, they rented a motel room while they searched for a decent place. It was difficult to find a place that would rent to four teenagers with no jobs though, but eventually they struck pay dirt.

It was in the shadier part of the city, on the top floor of a five-story walk-up. The neighborhood itself wasn’t that bad and Birdie was able to talk the landlord into knocking off $300 from the rent listed in the ad. It wasn’t tiny, but it wasn’t by any definition big. The three bedrooms went to Klaus, Vanya, and her - with Diego volunteering to take the converted dining space for a tactical advantage over any hypothetical intruders. They hunted for furniture in second-hand places, reluctant to part with too much money before they had jobs. The living room and kitchen were taken care of before anything else, the fridge fully stocked, mattresses bought and carried up the stairs before they all agreed to order any bed frames to be delivered to the apartment. It wasn't much but it was _theirs_. Over the years, the little apartment would take on more personality-all four of them transforming the space into a home.

Slowly, they learned how to live on their own. It wasn’t easy, for the first few months they went everywhere together like a pack of wolves scared that they’d be ambushed the second they broke formation. They took to walking places with Birdie leading the way - Klaus on her right and Vanya on her left while Diego walked behind them to guard his 'younger' siblings. The four of them found a rhythm, unlike anything they’d achieved in the mansion. They shared the same limited space and it forced them to get to know each other. Sharing stories the others didn’t know, learning to joke together, to exist with each other.

-

Deigo was still as angry as he’d ever been, but it was softer now. He wasn’t as quick to snap at them, his words losing their razor-sharp edge and he was more likely to get worked up _for_ them rather than _at_ them. It might’ve been because he took taking care of them so seriously. Klaus and Vanya were always going to be his littlest siblings in his eyes, they were to be looked after, _especially_ in this brave new world they were facing. He refused to let them get hurt or taken advantage of on his watch. Birdie was his first friend, a weird sister-in-law type figure, who he’d never gotten over being forced to hurt. To him, she had already suffered far too much and he wasn’t going to let any more shit happen in her life. So, he mellowed out a little - but he was always quick with his knives whenever someone looked at any of them in a way he didn’t like.

Six months after they moved in, he applied to the police academy. They were so proud, Birdie baked a cake and they all helped him study - even Klaus though his help was a little more practical than the others. When he got in, they had a little party while they drank and danced in their little living room. While the structure chaffed, the others were there to reign him in while reminding him that not everyone in charge is Reginald. When he still couldn't feel at ease in the rigid structure of the police academy, it was actually Klaus who suggested becoming a PI instead. There was no shame when Diego left the academy, only well wishes.

The first time the others met Eudora, they teased him all night while they told his most embarrassing stories without bringing up the Academy. They respected the fact that Deigo wanted more distance from the past, as long as it wasn’t from them.

-

Klaus was always going to be Klaus. With Birdie there to explain some things on his behalf, they all learned to live with the certain _habits_ he had as a way to cope with the dead that followed him. They didn’t let him go off the deep end, _no_ \- they watched him closely to see when he seemed to be walking that line and were quick to pull him back in. They’d wrap him in blankets, cuddle him on the couch, watch movies and play music too loud to drown out the wailing. Weed and alcohol were always in the apartment, unwilling as they were to completely stop him from self-medicating. He tried to be good though. Klaus could still hear Birdie’s voice in their training, telling him that everything would be okay if he just tried. So he did - knowing he had support if he fell off the wagon.

When he sat them down to tell them about Ben, he tried to be as gentle as he could. It was met with anger and confusion which he'd feared most. Birdie had defended him instantly, telling the others that it only stood to reason that Ben would be with him if he hadn’t moved on. She’d then asked very quietly if he’d ever seen Five, which he was quick to deny. The relief that overtook her face was heartbreaking, but she quickly covered it with a grin before she demanded he help her talk to Ben.

A couple of months after the move, Klaus actually got a job at an old discount book store with an _a-mazing_ vintage record collection. He spent his days listening to music while he restocked shelves and turned the page to whatever book was open on the counter for Ben. The store brought in all sorts of people! Being the social butterfly that he is, he took to sales like a duck to water chatting people up while he rang up far more than they intended to buy. Even with all the tattoos and eyeliner. It kept him busy and happy, the best way to keep him really.

-

Vanya tried to seem as small as possible in the beginning. Living with such big personalities wasn’t completely new to her, but this was different. They were _choosing_ to be together, they had chosen to stay with _her_. She didn’t want to do the wrong thing and drive them all away. It took Birdie years to start to break that thinking from her completely. She refused to leave Vanya in the shadows, getting the boys to help her in her crusade to get the violinist out her shell. Eventually, it started to work - Vanya started leaving her mark all over the apartment, making it just as much hers as it was the others. It was interesting, getting to know this new Vanya who didn’t hide away from them.

A year after they moved, she auditioned for the local orchestra. When she got the spot, they threw another party with another cake that was much better than the first one. She'd been flustered when she came back from the audition to find the ‘Congratulations!’ banner hung up in the living room, her family ready to celebrate - like they knew she’d get it. She tried to get a second job, but Deigo and Birdie had refused. They told her to focus on her music, that they’d take care of everything as long as she covered her share of the rent. It was the first time she’d hugged Deigo, something that surprised them both. Eventually, she was able to convince them to let her start teaching private lessons. She wanted to do more with her music than fill the third chair so they relented, helping her set a schedule that would work for everyone.

-

Birdie found life on the outside harder then she thought she would. She'd often think back to old plans she made with Five on the nights they'd dream of a future. The way his voice sounded when he talked about finding them a little place in the city, where they could figure out what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives _together_. She had to pull herself out of those thoughts often, chasing them away by throwing herself into taking care of her family.

So she decorated the apartment and took up cooking, finding a strange love for baking in her attempts to provide support and comfort. While Diego had outright claimed to be their protector, they all knew Birdie was the caretaker. They followed her lead on supporting each other, noted how she took care of them each in different ways. With the boys, she was quick to soothe to mediate their different but equally intense personalities. While she bolstered Vanya's confidence and encouraged her to express her emotions, attempting to show her that it was safe to do so - at least with them.

There was a titanium bat by the door that she got for when she accompanied Klaus places, which she never hesitated to use when someone started to harass them for their clothes or makeup. The bat also started making appearances when she had to walk anywhere with Vanya, especially at night. In fact, the only time she left the bat at home was when Diego was present with his knives. Eventually, it became a well-known fact in the neighborhood that if you fucked with little Birdie you were likely to lose some teeth.

It was a needed precaution. Diego couldn't always be there with his PI work and they couldn't rely on him completely anymore. Not with Klaus being so prone to confrontation and Vanya still so afraid of it. People were _assholes_ \- so Birdie adapted. It was just about the only way she'd changed since their escape. They'd noticed around the third year after they'd left. The shelves they put up were covered in pictures of the four of them. Photos that showed how much the others had changed and how much she'd stayed the same. In theory, she was aging but as was the nature of rapid cell regeneration - it didn't _appear_ that way. She'd shed the last of her baby fat and frozen in time around 18. A girl that looked like her in the clothes she was fond of needed a bat.

The world was a dangerous place, she knew that too well now.

-

The four of them lived together for six years.

In the seventh, Diego moved out to move in with Eudora a couple of blocks away and Birdie started taking her bat everywhere. Diego also got her some knives of her own and mace for the others when they helped him move into his new place. He was still around frequently, but it wasn't the same. Thus started lounge nights.

When Birdie started looking for work, all she could find was a waitressing gig in a lounge bar. It opened up a whole new world to her. One filled with low lights, live music, and _singing_. Eventually, a spot in the line up opened, and just like that, she was on stage four nights a week. She was good too, packing the place with people who came just for her. There was a booth she had reserved just for her family. Every Saturday, they'd get together for lounge night to drink and catch up before watching Birdie's act.

She'd sing for hours, voice unable to go croaky from overuse. Standing under stage lights in one of her best dresses was the closest she got to peace these days.

-

They see Allison for the first time after their escape on a movie poster. They're relieved to know she's okay if a bit hurt that she didn't find them. When the film comes out, they're first in line to see it and all the rest that came after.

Allison does get back in touch, sending all of them invitations to her wedding and tickets to L.A. Birdie and Vanya stand as her bridesmaids and deal with the nightmare that is their sister planning a wedding. The boys both give her away, on the condition that they wear what they're given. It's a beautiful day and they all try their best not to think about who isn't there.

When Claire is born, they all fly out again ready to spoil their only niece rotten.

It's hard to see each other when they live so far from Allison, but they don't lose touch.

Calls take the place of folded notes and it's like a weight has lifted.

-

They never see Luther in person after they leave, though they see him on the news from time to time.

They watch his launch to the moon and wonder.

-

Every once in a while, Klaus tries to summon Five.

He fails every time and he tells Birdie as much.

-

One night, Birdie was mugged on her way home by some asshole with a gun, who shoots her anyway after she gives him her purse.

She follows the guy back to his place before going to find Klaus to let him know what happened. When she sees Ben next to him, she shrieks before running at him. The hug that followed shocked all three of them, though none more than Ben. He's panicked for a minute before they explain that it's not permanent - that it's _never_ permanent.

They hug the rest of the time she's there and when she wakes up in her body again she almost decides to let the whole thing slide.

Almost. 

-

When Vanya sees the bright red typewriter in the pawnshop window above the Umbrella Academy comics, she isn’t filled with resentment toward her siblings. Instead, she’s filled with a deep loathing for the man who’d exploited her family and neglected them all so much.

So, she buys it. She goes home to her family, sets the thing on the table, and tells them her plan. Klaus thinks it's genius to make money on their trauma, Diego is furious she wants to air their dirty laundry, and Birdie...asks some questions.

She sits them all down and makes them listen to Vanya. The boys aren’t allowed to speak until she’s done and when she is everyone looks thoughtful. They decide to think about it before they give Vanya their blessing to write her book.

It takes them a week to decide to let the world know the truth about Reginald Hargreeves.

-

It takes time to come together.

But after rewriting it five times, they finally give Vanya the go-ahead. She didn’t want to put out anything they were uncomfortable with, but at a certain point, they agreed that the book was going to hurt.

The truth always does.

Vanya authors the whole thing, the forgotten member of the Academy, but they each help write the chapters about them. Klaus helps Ben edit his, Allison mails them her notes and Vanya has Birdie co-write her own. She also interviews her about Five, using her quotes liberally.

When it’s picked up by a publisher, Vanya dedicates it to ‘ _The Children of The Academy_ ’ and thanks them in the forward.

It’s titled ‘Living Beneath the Umbrella’ and it becomes an international bestseller.

-

In the remains of what used to be a library, Five finds a black paperback with the Umbrella Academy symbol in white on the front above his sister’s name.

He reads it’s contents every day for forty-five years like a devote man would the Bible. He fills the margins with equations, proof of his drive to get back as he’d promised. There is one page devoid of any markings, original ink filled in carefully where it had worn too light to read.

_(Birdie wears a necklace the way most wives wear their ring. It was a gift from my brother Five, from long before his disappearance. I don’t know if she’s ever taken it off, as much an identifier as her eye color or her hair. A small token of rebellion that so characterized their relationship, which she carries with her always. Engraved on the front is the name Five gave her and on the back, which rests above her heart, is his Number. Two sides of the same coin, so fitting for the pair of them who were so inseparable._

_When Birdie first arrived in the mansion, she was named D-13 and I’ve never seen anything like the day she met Five. It was more intense than two eight-year-olds should have been able to manage. Number Five had always been that way, but when I asked Birdie about it she’d been surprised. She thought about it for weeks before she woke me in the middle of the night to explain the way she remembered that day._

_“The day I met Five, that was the day my whole life changed. I don’t remember much from before coming to the Academy, but I remember enough to know it wasn’t pretty. When I walked in, it was like being on another planet. All the animal heads on the walls, Pogo, the people, it was overwhelming. Then there was Five. I’m pretty sure Five is the first person to look me in the eye, like a person. How could I not fall in love with him?”_

_While we have all long since started speaking in the past tense when Five comes up, Birdie stands firm in the present. She claims there is no other alternative, seeing as she still believes to this day that he will find his way home. In a journal she sleeps with beside her bed, the pages are filled with my brother’s work. Proof of a promise made a decade ago, which she claims hasn’t been broken until Klaus tells her so.)_

The words carry him through until he stands on the grassy knoll. When he double-checks his work, he glances at the page one last time before he tucks the book back into his pocket. With a deep breath, he opens a portal and jumps.

-

The news of Reginald Hargreeves' death breaks when the four escapees are walking down the street. They’d picked up Vanya from rehearsal and were on their way to get a bite to eat when they see the news on a tv scene in a store window. Stunned into silence, they all look to each other unsure what to do. Pogo calls when they reach the apartment, telling them what’s happened. The funeral date is already set.

They decide to go, calling Allison to check if she’s heard the news. She’s already getting a flight out in the morning.

Birdie doesn’t know how to handle the news. There is no pain, only profound relief. She feels as if a weight is gone, there is a spring in her step but even she knows that it’s not appropriate. But she can't seem to care. Reginald deserved to die. It’s something she knows in her heart, as sure as she was all those years ago. A giddy part of her dresses on the day with spite in her heart. In an iridescent white velvet mini dress, white heels, her medallion on full display, and her electric blue overcoat that reaches her ankles. It is everything she was once denied, as is the makeup she wears - bold eyeliner and pink lipgloss. Her hair has long since been tamed into thick shoulder-length waves and she leaves it free in the light breeze. When the others see her, they laugh in shock even though they aren’t dressed much better. Klaus is the closest to her in rebellion, all leather and feathers - though his eyeliner is nowhere near as crisp as hers. Vanya looks like it’s any other day and Diego is pointedly wearing a red button up to break up the usual all-black he wears.

Diego’s car fits them all comfortably, the drive to the mansion foreign after all this time. The strange tension in the car is broken when Birdie startles in the front seat before screaming.

“Hey! We get to see Mom now! Like whenever!”

She turns to Klaus and Vanya in the back to smile at them, shooting a quick wave to the empty middle seat that she knows Ben usually fills. Sharing a quick smile with Diego when she rights herself again, they settle in easier for the rest of the ride. Pulling up to the block the mansion is on is so surreal, Birdie blacks out for a second and the next thing she knows she’s standing in front of an all too familiar gate with her family at her back. Before she can stop herself, she’s opening it and leading the way to the front door.

-

Birdie wasn’t expecting the murder accusation, but maybe she should have. It had all started well enough. They’d said hi to Pogo, reunited with Allison - Klaus stole her skirt for a wardrobe change, and they'd visited Mom in the kitchen. Luther had shown up eventually, with his new muscle mass and fresh-from-the-moon look demanding a family meeting like they were kids again. The boys were acting their usual selves, making light of the funeral arrangements when Luther had started in about the monocle. The one Diego had found on Mom, which she’d told him to hide before someone got the wrong idea. Which somebody did. Diego was of course the one to call him out on his shit.

“He thinks one of us killed dad!”

The results were not the most productive.

“I can’t believe you!”

“We haven’t been here in years!”

“Why would we even-“

He didn’t make things much better by making demands that Klaus summon Reggie from the depths of wherever he’d ended up. They were all quick to leave the conversation and scatter around the house despite Luther’s protests.

“I’m out of here.”

“I’m just off to murder mom now, bye!”

“Way to lead, Number One!”

“ _Honestly_.”

Which was how she found herself here, in her old room feeling slightly disoriented at just how much it looked like a prison cell.

Her old bed was still there, all made up with her old sheets. The desk still had nail polish smudged on the surface and her cupboard was still full of black sweats. It was like she’d never left if you didn’t know what to look for. The space beneath her bed was empty, taking her entire personality from the room. She shrugged off her coat, dropping it on the desk before she sat on her old bed. Kicking her shoes into the corner, she brought her legs up beneath her. Had it always felt this small? Somehow, the room had felt bigger before - when the people who made up her whole world would sneak in her door.

Before her thoughts could go much deeper into that particular hole, she heard music. An old song, that Tiffany bop from way back in the day. _It was still good_ , she thought as she bopped her head along. In a bold move, she sprung up and planted her bare feet on the mattress as the song picked up. Secure in the knowledge that she really was alone now, Birdie jumped on her bed and danced like no one was watching.

Up until the frame lurched violently beneath her and her medallion lifted off her chest. Quickly, she scrambled off the bed, out of her room, holding her necklace down with her palm as she ran for her family. She found them all making their way outside to the courtyard, feeling her medallion vibrate harder against the skin her chest. She ran out after them, ignoring the bite of gravel beneath the soles of her feet - quick to push them back as they studied the light show in the sky.

“What is it?”

“Don’t get too close!”

“Yeah, no shit!”

“Looks like some sort of temporal anomaly! Either that or a miniature black hole, one of the two!”

“Pretty big difference there, Paul Bunyan!”

Klaus suddenly came running from the house, fire extinguisher in hand.

“Out of the way!”

“What are you-“

The extinguisher sputtered weakly before Klaus chucked it into the very unstable hole in the sky.

“What is that gonna do?”

“I don’t know! Do you have a better idea?”

A sudden blinding light has Birdie pushing them all toward the doorway behind herself, medallion hovering ominously as she fought to keep them shielded with her admittedly small body. Luther pushes her behind him with Allison, assuming leadership, while Diego gathers Klaus and Vanya behind himself but lets Birdie leap in front of him to guard his front.

“Get behind me!”

“Get behind us!”

“I vote for running, c’mon!”

Klaus did no such thing. They all stared into the electric blue hole in the sky, wondering what exactly came next. Birdie pressed her medallion to her heart as she tried to steady her breathing. She braced herself for the worst as the anomaly crackled loudly, only to flinch at the sound of screaming coming from above. Lifting her other hand to shield her face, she could make out what looked like an old man in the sky. His body flickered and suddenly she couldn’t breathe at all. A body fell to the ground and the portal shut. No one moved until the body had gotten up.

Then there was Five, looking like the day he left but in a slightly too big suit.

“Does anyone else see little Number Five, or is that just me?”

Five suddenly looked down at himself before lifting his head again.

“Shit.”

The giggle that she let out was slightly hysterical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That cliff hanger thoooo....
> 
> Wasn't on purpose and I'm SORRY.
> 
> Next Chapter: We get that sweet sweet reunion cause I say so, the funeral actually happens, and the world is ending or whatever.


	9. When The Birds Are Heard Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reunion isn’t complete without a funeral, a fight, and a night out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was trying something new this chapter, SO this one's a bit dialogue heavy.
> 
> [Disclaimer: I do not own The Umbrella Academy - I’m just borrowing the content for a second to tell a story real quick]
> 
> [Warning: Birdie's language is just awful, I have no fucking clue where she gets it from.]

Previously:

_“Does anyone else see little Number Five, or is that just me?”_

_Five suddenly looked down at himself before lifting his head again._

_“Shit.”_

_The giggle that she let out was slightly hysterical._

-

There is a moment where they stare at each other and have no idea what to do. They are less than ten feet from each other, something they’ve both dreamed of every day since Five left and neither of them knows how to cross that distance. They take each other in, trying to find a sign that time has passed in something other than their clothes and find none. It’s too good to be true and both are too wary of the world to trust it completely. Then their eyes lock and something clicks in place. They see each other as they are, the new edges that exist in the other and the old softness that it guards. Slowly, Five’s head tilts slightly to the right with something like a smile on his tired face and a grin bursts across hers. In a moment between blinks, she launches herself across the distance and throws her arms around his neck with a breathless laugh.

“ _You’re late_.”

His arms lock around her waist like a vice, his nose in her neck as he lets her ground him in the new present.

“Came back though, didn’t I?”

She pulls back far enough to drag his forehead down to hers, looking up into eyes that were so much brighter than she remembered.

“Don’t think you’re off the hook just cause I’m so happy right now.”

He nods his head against hers, jaw clenched with guilt and it tugs at her heart just as much as it ever did.

“But that’s a later type of conversation, right now you should just kiss me.”

Arms tighten briefly before hands are caressing her back gently and shivers dance down her spine.

“Are you sure?”

There is doubt in his voice and it breaks her heart just a little.

“Yes, I would like you to kiss me.”

His lips are on hers and it’s like their first time all over again. It’s sweet and chaste for a long moment, but when he goes to pull away Birdie’s hands keep him in place. Sinking deeper into the kiss, it’s like the world falls away when her mouth opens up beneath his like it’s welcoming him home. A very pointed cough somewhere behind them has them breaking apart, Birdie dazed as she turns around without letting go and Five scowling as he holds on just as tight while he takes in his siblings.

-

“What’s the date? The exact date.”

They’ve relocated to the old lounge, everyone gathers at the table as Five starts to walk about to make himself a sandwich. Her smile is fondly amused as she realizes he’s getting the peanut butter and marshmallows before she remembers that his sweet tooth is always so much worse when he’s tired. Snatching the knife and bread, she sets about helping him even though she’s tempted to force him to sit down - which memory reminds her won’t work.

“The 24th.”

Vanya sounds like she’s not quite sure this is actually happening.

“Of what?”

“March.”

Five hesitates next to her for a second before he nods to himself.

“Good.”

Birdie cuts him a questioning look at that which he responds to with a nod, _I’ll explain later_. She nods back when Luther’s voice interrupts the moment and she shoots him an annoyed look.

“So, are we gonna talk about what just happened?”

Five ignores him in favor of stepping up behind Birdie, winding his arms around her again as he rests his chin on her shoulder to watch her hands. His exhaustion is glaringly obvious to her in the way he rests his weight against her. The others are silent while Luther gets up from his chair in a vain attempt to control the situation.

“It’s been 13 years.”

The scoff Five lets out is equal parts condescending and bitter.

“It’s been a lot longer than that.”

Her back goes stiff against his front, but she says nothing as she presses marshmallows evenly over peanut butter. Diego speaks up at the look that no doubt crossed her face.

“Where’d you go?”

“The future,” he turns his head to press his lips to her temple briefly, “It’s shit, by the way.”

Klaus can’t quite help himself from cutting in at that.

“Called it.”

“I should’ve listened,” Birdie gives him a knowing look, ”Jumping through space is one thing, jumping through time is a toss of the dice.”

He diverts his attention for a moment to appreciate the soft fabric beneath his hands, skating the flat of his palms up and down her sides.

“Nice dress,” she preens only slightly while he turns back to his siblings, “You too, Klaus.”

“Oh, well, danke!”

Birdie hands him his sandwich right then, which he immediately takes a bite of while Vanya speaks up.

“Wait, how did you get back?”

Birdie turns to face him at this, also interested in hearing how he got home, while Five finishes chewing. He keeps his arm around her when he finally explains himself.

“In the end, I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time.”

Diego looks at the floor, shaking his head in confusion.

“That makes no sense.”

“Well, it would if you were smarter.”

He looks like he's about to jump from his perch on the table, but stops himself at the look Birdie gives him as she pinches Five's side. Luther decides to rejoin the conversation while Five is pinching the back of her shoulder in retaliation.

“How long were you there?”

“Forty-one years. Give or take.”

He takes another bite while Birdie wraps her arms around his middle, resting her head on his shoulder as she tries to process that information. Everyone else seems just as shocked, falling into their seats and slumping back as their jaws dropped.

“So what are you saying? That you’re 58?”

“No, my consciousness is 58. Apparently, my body is now 17 again. A concept you should be familiar with, considering Birdie barely looks like she’s aged a day.”

She gives him a look of gentle understanding when she hears the frustration in his voice. Rubbing his back soothingly, feeling him lean into her touch.

“You learn to live with it.”

“Wait, how does that even work? We know Dee doesn’t age because of her ability to heal, how do you look like this at 58?”

“The equations must have been off. Eh.”

Klaus couldn’t help but crack a joke.

“At least now you won’t look like a cradle robber with Birdie on your arm!”

She sends him a grin from her place in Five’s arms, beating him to a response.

“You’re just jealous we don’t have crows feet.”

He feigns offense, falling back with his hand on his heart at her teasing. As Five pops the last of his sandwich in his mouth, he notices the paper on the table with Reginald’s face staring up at them.

“Guess I missed the funeral.”

“How’d you know about that?”

“What part of the future do you not understand?”

The condescension is thick in his voice, while Birdie glares at Luther for his suspension.

“Are you just gonna accuse everyone of murder today or just the people who haven’t set foot in this house in years?”

Five tenses up at the implication, before looking at the paper again.

“Heart failure, huh?”

It’s met with contradictions and he is as exasperated as he is amused. Throwing the paper down, he pulls back from Birdie only to grab her hand as he makes his way to the door.

“Nice to see nothing’s changed.”

Allison finds her voice for the first time as she sees the pair walk away.

“Uh, that’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

Their steps don’t falter as Five calls back into the room.

“What else is there to say? The circle of life.”

-

They walk upstairs in silence, making their way up to Five’s old room. It’s strange and familiar to be in the old room again and she feels like she’s living in two worlds for a moment when she sits on his bed while he goes to his closet. He rolls his eyes at the contents, seeing the neat row of his old uniform that look freshly pressed. Taking a set and tossing it onto the bed beside Birdie, he starts working on his tie.

“Can you really not age?”

“I age, right now I’m thirty like all the rest downstairs. But my body doesn’t show any signs of decay, I’m pretty sure once it matured fully my cells just started to regenerate to that standard.”

“Interesting. When did you notice?”

“Around 20. The others all looked so different, but I was staying the same. We didn’t know for sure until I was around 27.”

Five looked at her for a long moment while he settled the fresh shirt across his shoulders.

“You look good for 30.”

“And you look _fantastic_ for going on 60.”

“I am _58_.”

“58-years _young_!”

She just laughed at his scowl before reaching to help him with his fresh tie.

“C’mon! That was funny!”

“You’re hilarious.”

His voice was practically dripping sarcasm, but she elected to ignore it.

“Damn right. You know Klaus was right earlier, though with you dressed like a schoolboy people might think I’m a cougar.”

“We look practically the same age.”

“Well yeah, but with the way I dress, I can pass for a solid 22. You look like you’re playing hooky to piss off daddy.”

He pulls her into his chest firmly, scowling down at her while she slips her arms around his neck and gives him a shit-eating grin. The sight has a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth and he can’t bring himself to be as annoyed as he should be.

“I missed your shitty jokes.”

“Love you too, sweetie!”

The emotions that sweep through him at her joking but sincere declaration were overwhelming in their intensity, burning in his chest as a warmth that hadn’t been there in years took hold. He kisses her hard, licks the words out her mouth and muffles all of her little noises that he missed so much. She’s on her tiptoes, chasing the feeling of his tongue licking the roof of her mouth before she pulls back gasping for air. His lips trail along her jaw in wet kisses that turn biting when he reaches the slope of her neck, turning her thoughts to mush.

“We c-can’t do this right now, _Five_.”

“Why?”

“There’s a funeral today!”

“I thought that was what I just crashed?”

“As usual, y-your timing is shit.”

Even as he pulls away, she pulls him into a deep kiss to reassure him.

“ _Later_.”

-

They stop in her room on their way back downstairs for her shoes and coat. Being in the room again stirs up even more old memories of the nights they spent on the tiny bed pressed to the wall - which results in Birdie perched on the desk, heels digging into his lower back for ten minutes. They manage to peel themselves away from each other long enough to get down to the living room, where it’s easier to refrain from mauling each other - though they can’t bring themselves to let the other go. There is a new edge to their relationship, a tinge of fear that the other will slip away somewhere they can’t reach. So they hold hands as they face the grand portrait of Five above the mantel. They turn at the sound of footsteps behind them, Birdie smiling at Vanya as she approaches them.

“Nice to know Dad didn’t forget me. Read your book, by the way.”

His eyes danced around the room.

“Found it in a library that was still standing.”

She squeezed his hand to let him know she’d ask about that comment later.

“I thought it was pretty good, all things considered. Yeah, definitely ballsy, giving up Reginald’s secrets.”

Vanya looks touched at the praise, giving Five a small smile.

“It was a family decision at the time.”

“A good one, I’d have gone along with it. Don’t know about Ben though.”

“Klaus said he was okay with it.”

“Klaus can see Ben?”

The sound of his voice as he asks that tugs at both of their hearts as Vanya offers a gentle nod and Birdie hugs his arm to her chest. The three of them made their way out to the courtyard while answering Five’s questions, grabbing two umbrellas before taking the empty space next to Klaus with his pink trimmed one as they joined the family in front of Ben’s statue. Luther stood off to the side, the only one without an umbrella as he held the urn. Mom looked confused where she stood with Diego under an umbrella.

“Did something happen?”

They all turn to look at her in concern before Allison speaks up.

“Dad died. Remember?”

“Oh. Yes, of course.”

Mom still sounds so confused.

“Is Mom okay?”

Diego is quick to her defense, quickly followed by Birdie.

“Yeah, yeah. She’s fine.”

“She just needs some rest. You know, recharge.”

Pogo joins them then, forcing the matter to drop even as Birdie and Diego trade a look while Five looks on in question before squeezing her hand.

“Whenever you’re ready, dear boy.”

All that remains of Reginald Hargreeves plops to the cold wet earth unceremoniously, leaving Birdie biting her lip to keep from laughing. Luther stands there for a moment, before awkwardly looking at them all.

“Probably would have been better with some wind.”

She barely covers her laugh with a cough, fooling no one - especially Five who was now staring at her with interest. Pogo clears his throat pointedly at her before turning to the rest.

“Does anyone wish to speak?”

The silence that follows quickly grows awkward, which Pogo does his best to ignore.

“Very well. In all regards, Sir Reginald Hargreeves made me what I am today. For that alone, I shall forever be in his debt. He was my master...,” the word grinds against her every nerve, but she bites her tongue, “and my friend, and I shall miss him very much. He leaves behind a complicated legacy-”

Diego never was as good as her at biting his tongue.

“He was a monster.”

Birdie agrees with him completely, but Pogo had always been good to her so she cuts in while Klaus giggles next to her.

“Di! Let Pogo have his moment. He’s the only one who needs it.”

“Oh c’mon! He was a bad person and worse father-“

“ _Diego_.”

“You of all people should know! He tortured you! Made us all-“

“Deigo, shut up! This isn’t about us right now-“

“He ripped you apart! Made me and Ben k-kill you! Killed you in front of Klaus and had Luther beat y-“

“Di, stop-“

“The world is better off without him!”

“Deigo!”

“My name is Number Two! You know why? Cause our ‘father’ couldn’t be bothered to give us actual names! He had Mom do it and wouldn’t even give Birdie the family name! Mom had to-“

Like a switch had flipped at the sound of her name - Mom perked up, unaware of the fight being had.

“Would anyone like something to eat?”

Vanya was quick to soothe her as Diego continued his tirade.

“You wanna pay your respects? Go ahead! But at least be honest about the kind of man he was.”

Luther chooses that moment to step in.

“You should stop talking now.”

“You know, you should be on my side, Number One.”

“I am warning you.”

“After everything he did to you? I know you don’t care about what was done to the rest of us, but he shipped you a million miles away.”

“Deigo, stop talking.”

“That’s how much he couldn’t stand the sight of you! All the rest of us escaped but you - he actually set away!”

Luther was swinging before Diego could keep going. Birdie was instantly on edge, vividly remembering a little Number One shattering her rib cage with a single punch. All the rest backed away with rolled eyes, Klaus putting his arm in front of the young couple to attempt to guide them back while Five bats him away.

“Boys, stop this at once!”

Diego just began to taunt Luther as he continued to dodge his wide swings.

“Come on, big boy!”

Getting around Luther, Diego started taking swings that seemed to bounce right off him.

“Stop it!”

“Hit him! Hit him!”

Pogo lost his patience right then and turned to return inside just as Luther took hold of Diego, throwing him in a move that looked too familiar to Birdie who remembered her body crashing into walls. The two continued swinging at each other, neither landing much as they grew closer to Ben’s statue.

“Get off me!”

She watched the two of them struggle, lost in memories of increasingly futile fights with the strength Luther possessed. Five turned to her, but her worried eyes stayed locked on the fight taking place as her hold on his hand grew tighter.

“We don’t have time for this.”

He thought of pulling away from her, leaving her to deal with this mess and find him later. It was the tension in her body that had him staying, feeling her unease roll off her in waves as Diego grew slower. It was at that moment that Luther’s swing missed it’s target, instead sending Ben’s statue tumbling to the ground - shattering with the impact. Everyone in the courtyard flinched at that and Birdie felt a familiar flare of rage build in her gut.

“There goes Ben’s statue.”

“ALRIGHT! THAT’S ENOUGH!”

In a moment so like 13 years ago, her family froze at the sound of her voice at a funeral. They turned to her at the unfamiliar sound of her screaming. Birdie was never one to yell, quicker with sarcastic words and gentle understanding. But right then, they were faced with her anger.

“ _Quit. Your. Shit._ ”

Diego tried to avoid her eye but failed miserably.

“You. Apologize to Ben.”

His words were mumbled under his breath and only stoked the fire.

“I can’t hear you!”

“I’m sorry, Ben!”

“Next time I tell you to shut up at a funeral, _I expect you to fucking listen!_ You think all this was necessary? You think you need to remind me what I’ve been through? I remember! I also remember taking what mattered most and fucking leaving! Pogo needed his moment and you took it from him! You wanna talk shit about Reggie? Fine, but save it for when we get drunk throwing a party that he’s finally bit the dust! Don’t do it while we’re all too sober to deal with it!”

She rounded on Luther the second she was done with Diego, who backed off to hide behind Mom.

“ _And you!_ Who the fuck do you think you are? Taking swings like that, look what you did to Ben’s statue! If that connected, Diego would be fucking dead! Don’t you deny it! I’ve taken those hits, I know exactly what they can do! Or have you forgotten your training while on the moon? Do you not remember breaking my fucking neck? If I ever see you taking swings like that at anyone here again, _I’ll fucking kill you myself!_ You might be durable as all hell, but it’ll take a hell of a lot more to kill me than you! Do you understand me?”

Luther just stared at her in shock at her words.

" _I. Said. Do. You. Understand. Me._ ”

He was quick to answer her at the tone of her voice.

“Yes.”

“Good. Five, take me inside.”

Five did as she asked, walking her back inside as she shook with the remains of her anger - leaving their family to stand in the courtyard.

-

The couple winds up on a wild goose, looking for coffee that seems to be missing from the entire house. They stumble across Allison and Klaus down in the kitchen, talking at the table as Five searches the shelves. They give up, having looked everywhere to no prevail.

“That’s unfortunate.”

“Yeah.”

“An entire square block. Forty-two bedrooms, 19 bathrooms, but no, not a single drop of coffee.”

Allison’s voice is amused and mildly condescending as she responds.

“Dad hated caffeine.”

Klaus beats Birdie to the joke.

“Well, he hated children, too, and he had plenty of us.”

She’s the only one who laughs with him and she feels no shame.

“We’re taking the car.”

“Where are you going?”

“To get a decent cup of coffee.”

Birdie is quick to agree, in no shape to face Diego on the ride home just yet.

“Klaus, get Vanya and have Diego take you home. Tell them I’m with Five.”

He gives her a little two-finger salute while she explains to Five that she needs to get something from Diego’s trunk before they go. Allison is hesitant to let them go, skeptically eyeing the pair.

“Do either of you even know how to drive?”

Five looks offended as he turns to her.

“I know how to do everything.”

With that Five jumps them away to where Deigo parked his car.

“I feel like we should try and stop them but then again, I also just kinda want to see what happens.”

-

Birdie hasn’t been to Griddy’s in years, too full of memories of people missing from her life for the longest time. Now, she takes in the flickering lights and stained countertop - wondering when the place started to look so worn. Five leads them over to the counter, looking over at her while they wait for the waitress.

“What’s up with the bat?”

“City’s a dangerous place and I hate carrying a gun.”

Something flickers through his gaze at that before it’s gone.

“No knife? Mace?”

“I have knives. Bat’s better for kneecaps though.”

He nods his head in acknowledgment, before falling silent as a man sat next to them on the other side of the counter.

Five rings the bell again, and this time the waitress comes out.

“Sorry, sink was clogged. So what’ll it be?”

She takes the older man’s order before turning to the young-looking couple.

“What’ll you kids have?”

“The kid will have coffee. Black.”

Birdie smacks his shoulder, sympathy for the older woman taking hold as she remembers her waitressing days and turns to her with a smile.

“Sorry about him, can I get the same with a powdered donut?”

“Sure thing, sweetie. Cute boyfriend.”

“Thank you.”

She gets them their order before disappearing into the back again.

“Boyfriend sounds ridiculous at our age.”

“Worked well enough when we were kids.”

“We aren’t kids anymore.”

“Are you breaking up with me or proposing? I honestly can’t tell.”

“If you think I’m leaving you, you aren’t as smart as I remember you being.”

“This is the meanest proposal ever. I’m not at all surprised.”

“I’m just saying being someone’s boyfriend at my age is undignified.”

“Would you rather be my husband?”

Neither notices the look the old man gives them as he gets up to leave.

“Is that _you_ proposing?”

“ _You wish._ You want me as your wife? Ask.”

“Will you be my wife?”

That was somehow _not_ what she was expecting to come out of his mouth. Hers seems incapable of moving as she stares at him, jaw dropped at his completely serious face. Just as she finally scrapes together enough brain cells to form an answer, the bell above the door sounded and the air in the room shifted. Behind her, she heard hard rubber soles on linoleum and the rustle of firearms being raised. Based on the look on Five’s face, he knows exactly what’s happening and she heaves a sigh at the turn of events.

“I loved this dress.”

The sound of the safety being turned off reaches her ears as she sees a gun aimed at Five out of the corner of her eye. Anger flares in her belly again as her ankle reaches under the counter to lock with Five’s.

“Hmm. That was fast. I thought I’d have more time before they found me.”

“Okay. So let’s be professional about this, yeah? On your feet and come with us. They want to talk."

Birdie had a million questions, but she maintained her silence as she took a bite of her donut.

“I’ve got nothing to say.”

Five sounds as confident as he ever did, but there’s a darker edge to his voice that didn’t use to be there.

“It doesn’t have to go this way. You think I want to shoot a kid? Go home with that on my conscience?”

“Well, I wouldn’t worry about that.”

Birdie’s hand slips unnoticed to where the handle of her bat rests against her knee.

“You won’t be going home.”

Five grabs the butter knife off the counter before they jump into the center of their formation.

Shots pop off the second Five drives the knife into the man’s neck, Birdie turning on the spot to catch the two by the door with lethal swings to the head. The men panic as they search for Five as he jumps again to land on a table, caught off guard that she’d joined the fray. He pops behind the door and diverts their attention as she avoids most of the bullets with practiced ease, thinking back to her training with Diego while she swings viciously at knees as Five jumps back into the fight. He breaks the handle of a broom that he sticks into the ribs of one, reappears to strangle another with his tie while he stabs one with a pencil, and tricks two into shooting each other. The two of them stand in the flickering lights of the dinner for a moment before Five goes to grab his tie as she snaps the neck of the one who makes noise, eyes catching on the glowing green device on the ground.

Walking back over to him, she sees him lift his right sleeve as he sits at the counter and reaches for a knife. She sets the thing next to him as he digs the knife into his arm, digging into the wound until he produces a small blinking pill.

“You have _so_ much explaining to do.”

He turns to her, pressing a napkin into the wound with a casualness that worries her as he pulls his sleeve down over it.

“At your place?”

She nods, hefting her bat on her shoulder as she holds her hand out to him. He takes it, the pair walking out of their childhood haunt - tracker slipping from his grip into the gutter as they walk away.

“Don’t think I’m forgetting about the fact that you proposed tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT DID Y'ALL THINK??? 
> 
> I wanna know, so tell me!
> 
> Comment, please!
> 
> (Also drop some Kudos if you want, it’s kinda addicting)
> 
> Next Chapter: Five tells Birdie about the apocalypse, she reacts, and Vanya shares some worries with her siblings.


	10. Your Hand In My Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five and Birdie have a little talk, some bombs are dropped, and Vanya seeks out some comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one got away from me a little bit, but I'm happy with where it ended up.
> 
> FYI, there is stuff mentioned in here that hasn't come up on the show yet, but IS in the comics.
> 
> [Again, I don't own anything from TUA, the only thing here that's mine is Birdie.]

A lot has changed in the time Five has been gone.

Birdie isn’t the same girl she’d been when he left, though it wasn’t as if he expected her to be. He knew from reading Vanya’s book that she had been waiting for him, so he knew to a certain extent that some things had stayed the same. She still loved him, something that he was infinitely grateful for. The way she looked at him was the same, the way she held him, kissed him, all of it was just like he remembered - better even after being without her for so long. In all the ways that really mattered, Birdie was the girl he’d always known and loved.

The only real change was that Birdie seemed _angrier_ now.

It wasn’t completely new, she’d always gotten upset about things Reginald did when they were kids and he still remembered their fight from before he jumped vividly. But now it ran _deeper_ , seemed to fester in her before lashing out. He’d seen it in the way she snapped at Luther in the lounge, a defensiveness he’d brushed off at the time. Then the fight at the funeral happened. In all his life, he’d never seen her yell like that. Five still remembered what Diego had said, about Birdie having the most reason to be glad the old man was dead. All of it stored away to be thought about later, as his girl laid into his brothers for what they’d done to Ben’s statue. Hearing her threaten to kill Luther was worrisome, mainly because Five knew she meant it. Could hear it in her voice, so knowing of the damage his brother could do and so serious about the consequences should he fail to keep himself in check.

  
The bat actually made sense and it soothed something primal in him to know she went nowhere unarmed. He knew the dangers of the world far better than most, knew what kind of people were out there, so her having a weapon was honestly ideal. It was just the way she wielded it that caught him slightly off guard. As an extension of her, he saw her take out grown men with firearms with the thing like she did it every day. The look in her eye when it connected, a vicious satisfaction that had never been there before and reminded him far too much of himself. He simply hadn’t expected it. Even now, as they walk hand in hand to her apartment, she spins the handle playfully in her hand like blood isn’t crusting on the titanium. For a second, he wondered if she’d feel the same way seeing him hold a gun before dismissing the thought.

  
While part of him mourns this change in her, another part of him is relieved. There had been a fear lingering in the back of his mind, that the life he’d lead had changed him too much. That the things he’d done would drive her away, unable to handle the blood on his hands. But it seemed that she had some on her own, unbothered when she took his hand in that donut shop. That old fear had evaporated as he took in the dark red blossoms in her dress from stray bullets that clinked against linoleum has her body pushed them out to heal while she didn’t even wince. She was different, but so was he and he’d made his peace with that a long time ago - it wouldn’t be right to get hung up on it now.

  
They still fit together, new edges and all. Five choose to focus on that as they walked in silence down dark streets, letting Birdie swing their hands between them like they really were the kids they looked like. The longer they walked, the more Five noticed people looking at them. It set him on edge, even though he could tell they weren’t any threat at the moment. Some of them even crossed the street, avoiding them completely rather than instigating anything. A few of them called out to Birdie, which she replied to with a cheerful wave of her bat. He assumed they were close to her neighborhood, with the familiar way people greeted her and how unfazed they seemed by the blood on her clothes.

  
Five had questions, wanting to know how she’d gotten here - to know all the parts of her life he missed. He supposed that would have to wait until they were inside and cleaned up at least. There was a very long conversation to be had, too many things that needed explaining to get to it all in one night. Now all he needed to figure out was how to tell her the world was ending.

  
-

  
“I don’t care what you say, I’m taking a shower before we get into this.”

  
He hadn’t protested, glad to have a little time to figure out what to say while she was preoccupied in the bathroom. Barely stopping himself from following her in to help like he used to, he found himself in her room instead. Waiting in her room proved to be more distracting than anything, however. Facing just how much things had changed in the space she’d built for herself. Taking in the big queen bed with fluffy looking sheets, the art on the walls, the photos of her and the family filling up all the extra space between vintage-looking posters. The single Polaroid of them framed on her bedside table beside his old journal. Five still remembered taking that photo.

-

Klaus had gotten his hands on a camera during one of those parties people liked to throw for them after missions. Probably swiped it off a reporter or a pushy fan, but he’d brought it home and spent days trying to find the right subjects for what little film was left in the camera. In the end, he’d taken candids of all of them.

Luther had one of him and Allison sitting in the courtyard yard, laughing on a bench in a rare moment of open joy.

An awkward one of Klaus taking of photo of his own smiling face while you could see Diego practicing with his knives over his shoulder, his body slightly blurred with the motion, was framed on Diego’s wall.

Vanya keeps the one of her and Ben reading pressed between the pages of her copy of ‘Living Beneath the Umbrella’.

A single photo exists of all of them where they’re in a booth at Griddy’s, all looking at the camera when a stranger agreed to take the photo for them. There are multiple copies of that one.

The last photo Klaus took was from that same night. He’d taken it from across the booth while they weren’t looking. In the photo, Five has his arm around Birdie and a smile on his face from whatever she was whispering into his ear. When the flash went off, they’d jumped and Five was two seconds away from strangling Klaus before he’d slipped the photo over to Birdie with a smile. She’d immediately cooed at the developing picture and Five had let his brother off with a scowl instead.

-

Slightly overwhelmed at the evidence that Birdie hadn’t forgotten him, he made his way to the kitchen in search of coffee. Making his way through the space she apparently shared with his siblings, he couldn’t help but notice just how _many_ pictures there were all over the place. They were scattered in frames all over the walls and shelves, filling the open spaces between books and framed art. There were fairy lights strung up on the walls like it was Christmas, keeping the apartment from going completely dark. He imagined that was for Klaus, remembering the details he’d included in the book about how much worse it was to deal with spirits when they jumped out at you at night. The music posters were probably a bit of all of them, but he knew the dartboard was Diego’s as well as the target silhouettes. There seemed to be a lot of theatre posters for a place called ‘Betty’s’ which advertised live music over the shadows of women on a stage.

He put a pot on, making his way into the living room to get a closer look at all the photos. The shelves were littered with them, little glimpses into his family’s life here. They looked happy, laughing in almost all of them. There were some obviously taken at parties they’d thrown, smiles wide with drinks in hand. Some where they were dressed up to go to the orchestra, based on the fact that Vanya was in center of those with her violin. A few of them dressed up at Allison’s wedding, others of Allison holding a little girl - _Claire, his niece_. There were even photos that looked like they were from their collective birthday, each of his siblings with a small cake to themselves with various amounts of candles lit. A small part of him was angry with himself for having missed all this, which he was quick to squash down for all its uselessness. He was back, he was changing things, and he was going to live his life with his family from here on out. Focusing on anything else was a waste of time.

The sound of the shower shutting off had him straightening back up, making his way back into the kitchen to check on the coffee. He was filling two mugs when Birdie walked in wearing a robe and waving a first aid kit at him.

“Sit down and let me see your arm.”

Knowing it was futile to argue that he was fine, he set the mugs on the small dining table - shaking off his jacket to put over the back of his chair before doing what he was told. She huffed at the sight of the now red napkins sticking out of his arm, setting the kit on the table before taking his arm gently to pry them out. Watching her work so intensely on the wound just reminded him of all the things that stayed the same. The look in her eyes was just like back when he’d push himself too far, her hands just as gentle when she wiped the sweat on his forehead away with ice-cold rags to chase away the searing sensation of his atoms struggling to right themselves.

“How long have you been living here?”

She didn’t look up from her work when she answered him.

“Little less than 13 years. Left the mansion when Benny died.”

“How long after-?”

He didn’t need to finish his question, she knew.

“About two months. Mission went sideways, got into it with Reginald at the funeral, and had to split.”

“You really tell him he was going to die alone?”

“So you _did_ read the book.”

“The details about Ben weren’t super clear, but Vanya put that part in.”

“I remember, Ben didn’t want to dwell on his death and I offered to take some of the attention off him.”

“So it was your idea to include the part where you told the old man no one would cry when he was gone?”

“ _Oh yeah_ , we had to respect the authenticity of the truth.”

“How about the part where Vanya wrote that you wore your necklace like a wife wears a ring? That an 'authentic truth'?”

“Your proposals have gone sarcastic and I still can’t tell how serious you are.”

“As a heart attack.”

“You know, a guy I once knew just died from one of those.”

“Really? That’s how my dad went.”

The laugh that ripped from her throat while she stitched him up was choked, but her hands were steady.

“How soon is too soon to be making those jokes?”

“Don’t know, how long until you answer my question?”

“How long until you get me an actual ring?”

“I’ll go right now if you want me too.”

Birdie finally looked up at that, fingers pressing the surgical tape to fix gauze over his stitches.

“You’re serious? You want to get married?”

“Seems about time don’t you think?”

“You’ve been gone! I’m pretty sure you were legally declared _dead_ years ago and I live on forged documents, how are we supposed to get married?”

“Who says we need the paperwork to be married? All I need is permission to call you my wife.”

They sat in silence for a moment, staring at one another - Birdie in shock while Five looked as serious as ever.

“Do you really mean that? You just want to _agree_ to be married?”

“I’ve spent most of my life trying to get back here, to my family - to you. That’s about as serious as it gets.”

She laughs at that, slightly hysterical as she presses her hands to her face.

“I guess waiting for over a decade kinda screams forever, huh?”

“That a yes?”

“Well, I don’t think we’re getting any younger. Unless you plan to take another dip in the fountain of youth anytime soon.”

“Says forever 18.”

“What will people say when you go gray at 98?”

That comment brought him up short, mind going to all the things he’d have to explain about where he’d been - the things that had been done to him that he wasn’t entirely sure had stuck when his body went through that portal.

“About that.”

Her smile dimmed at the tinge of nerves in his voice, moving to take his hand in hers.

“What is it?”

“I don’t think I’ll be going gray - at all.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m saying certain things have happened...and I’m not sure I’ll age.”

Her smile was gone completely at that, confusion plain on her face while she tries to make sense of that.

“I think you should explain from the beginning.”

So he did.

-

They relocated to Birdie’s room, getting comfortable on the bed before Five told her everything.

The world was ending in eight days and that wasn’t even the worst part.

Jumping too far forward, he’d landed on a destroyed street before turning and running home. He’d tried to find them, but only found their bodies which he buried in shallow graves. Birdie and Vanya were the only ones he couldn’t find. He tried to come home every day for weeks, before deciding he needed to look at the math again. The book was something he found early on and read every day, his work in the margins of his copy back at the mansion. Five had spent decades in a barren wasteland with nothing but a mannequin he named after her for company before somebody named The Handler had shown up one day to offer him a job.

There was apparently an organization called 'The Commission' which maintained the timeline by _eliminating_ threats. Five had agreed to work as an assassin until he could find a way home. They’d done things to him, things to make him better at his job - things to keep him from aging. They had _experimented_ on him.

Of all the things he’d told her, that was the one that was the hardest to wrap her head around.

Her memories from before the Academy were fuzzy at best, horrifically vivid at worst. She remembered a sterile white lab filled with people in white coats. They handled her the same way Reginald had - with cold scientific curiosity and little regard for her as anything beyond that. For the most part, there were a lot of needles and physical tests interspersed with time lost that she knew was spent under a scalpel. Reginald wasn’t much different, he tested her too - pushed her to her limits and used her to do the same with the others.

In some ways he was worse, never bothering to do much more than give her an epidural that never lasted long for when he wanted to rummage around in her open sternum.

In other ways he was better, letting her live with the other children - rather than locking her away when he was done.

If there was one thing she never wanted Five to know - _one thing she never wanted him to understand_ \- it was this. She never wanted him to know what it felt like to lay on a metal table and get up a different person. Had he felt as hollow as her after? Had they done that to him too? Scooped out his insides and put back less than there was before? He said they changed him - _modified him_ \- had they patched him back up after? Or did they leave a scar that wasn’t there anymore?

“How do you know those...modifications are still there?”

“We’d have to test me to see for sure, but I’m almost positive they’re still there.”

“How?”

“If I’d have reverted to my 17-year-old self in the jump here, I don’t think I’d remember anything that came after. If I did, it probably wouldn’t be as clear as it is. I think my body changed, but everything else still feels the same.”

“Feels the same?”

“They did some things to...manage pain.”

At that, Birdie felt her eyes sting with unshed tears. When she looked at him, it wasn’t with pity - only profound understanding that could only come from shared experience. It made him want to ask more questions, to know exactly _why_ she could look at him like that.

“I never wanted you to know what that was like.”

Five just looked at her, brows furrowed above his green eyes.

“I wasn’t born like this, you know? At least, not exactly like this. Where I was before...Reginald...they made me like this.”

It felt like his chest was caving in as he realized exactly how much she understood. Before he could say anything, Birdie changed the subject.

“So, the world ends in a week?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, what’s the plan?”

Five reached into his pocket, pulling out the glass eye he’d carried around longer than anything else.

“I found this in Luther’s hand. Figured he ripped it out of whoever was responsible for the apocalypse.”

“That _does_ sound like him.”

“I figured it’s our best lead. We can find the lab that made it and figure out who it belongs to.”

His girl nodded along as she got up and walked over to her closet.

“If they don’t tell us, we can always break in or something and look around.”

Pulling open the shutter doors, he saw a riot of colors in her overflowing closet. All sorts of fabrics, some of them shining even in the low light of the room, and more shoes than he’d ever seen in his _life_. But she ignored it all, reaching for something in the very back of her closet. Pulling out what looked like a black slip, she grabbed black socks and sneakers before throwing it all on the bed. Wrestling the doors shut again, she turned to him as her robe hit the ground. Seeing her in her underwear had the same effect as it used to, but he kept his hands to himself as she got dressed.

“As much as I _hate_ it, Reginald had a point about dark clothes. Hides just about anything, especially blood stains and I imagine I won’t have time to change clothes every time I get shot this week.”

“Probably not, you might want to grab a jacket though.”

“You sound just like Allison.”

“She had a point back then.”

Her smile was fond when she reached beneath her bed and pulled out an old duffel bag. Opening it, she pulled out her old sweats and threw them all on the bed. Grabbing a single sweatshirt, she slipped it on over her head before holding out her arms for inspection.

“Happy?”

It was like he’d traveled back in time again, seeing her pull her hair up while she was dressed like that. He could almost imagine that they were back at the mansion, getting ready to go to bed on a cold night.

“Yes. Do you need anything else before we go?”

“Yeah, actually I do.”

“What is it?”

“I need you to promise some things.”

Five tensed at that, unsure where exactly the conversation was going.

“I’ll try my best, but it depends on what you’re asking.”

“We need to tell the family what’s going on. We can’t just sit on this and hope we can figure it out. At the very least, they deserve some heads up about what’s coming.”

Five considered this for a second before nodding his consent.

“We can tell them tomorrow after we do reconnaissance.”

“I can live with that.”

“Anything else?”

Birdie grabbed a spare sweatshirt as well as her knives from her nightstand to shove them in her bag along with the brass knuckles Klaus had given her at Christmas. Zipping the duffel shut, she took a deep breath before meeting Five’s gaze.

“I need you to promise me that you’re serious. Not about the end of the world, but the agreeing to be married thing. If I say yes, I need to know you mean it. In sickness and in health, till death do us part serious. I need the whole thing, not just you asking because we’re finally back together and the world might end. I need to know you’re staying after this is all done.”

Birdie was shaking just a little as she said all this, but her voice was firm. She wanted to say yes, more than anything - but she couldn’t without knowing for sure he knew what he was getting into. Five just stared back at her, eyes going soft as he walked up to her to take her in his arms.

“In sickness and in health, for better or worse.”

“Till death do us part?”

“You really think it could?”

“Well, _apparently_ I’m not as immortal as I thought so...”

“Eh, we’d find each other after - haunt Klaus with Ben.”

“Yeah?”

“Is that you saying yes finally?”

“I don’t know, ask me one more time.”

Five took her face in his hands, meeting her gaze full on as she blinked up at him expectantly.

“Birdie, will you be my wife?”

“Yes.”

His mouth was on hers before her answer was all the way out. The kiss was nothing like their first, all hunger as he brought her lower lip into his mouth like he’d been waiting to do it his whole life. Birdie just tilted her head back, reveling in the feel of his tongue stroking hers for a long moment before drawing back.

“We should work on saving the world before we get distracted.”

They knew if they fell into her bed right then, there would be no leaving it for a very long time. Time that they couldn’t spare at the moment, not if they wanted a marriage longer than a week. Five pulled her into one last hard kiss before pulling back completely.

“ _Later_.”

He held out his hand to her, which she took after swinging her duffel onto her back. He led the way out of the apartment, grabbing her bat for her as she left a note by the door before locking up. Hand in hand, the newlyweds made their way back out into the night as two assassins checked into a cheap motel and Eudora inspected the scene they’d left behind at Griddy’s.

-

They wind up swapping the plates on a van and driving through the city looking for the MeriTech building. Once they find it, they decide to stake out the place from the across the street to plan a break-in as a 'Plan B'. When they have a solid plan in place, the sun is starting to rise and the couple decides to go to the mansion to recoup before their initial approach. They are surprised to find that everyone had decided to stay in the house the night before. It results in a silent conversation about whether or not to tell them the world was ending, which Five won. Telling them that particular bit of news would wait until _after_ they had a solid lead.

The others were surprised to see them too, taking in Birdie’s change of clothes with suspicion. No questions were asked, but she could see it in the way their eyes lingered on the old cotton sweatshirt. Five disappears upstairs to clean up and change into a fresh uniform while Birdie heads into the kitchen to make breakfast as her family follows her - the two splitting up for the first time since Five’s return.

Diego is the first to speak up, careful in his questioning after yesterday’s fight.

“Where have you two been?”

“Went on a date.”

Klaus perked up from his seat on the counter at that.

“Oh? What did you two lovebirds get up to?”

“We kept it classic. Went for coffee, caught up, went back to our place.”

“On the first date? How _modern_.”

Birdie was cracking eggs into a pan when Five popped into existence behind her, surprising everyone else in the room. He gave her a quick kiss before sitting at the table to face his siblings.

“What are you talking about?”

Klaus’ voice was filled with mischief as he replied.

“Oh, Birdie was just telling us _all_ about what you two got up to last night. Congratulations, by the way, old man!”

Five looked at him frowning, surprised that Birdie would tell them the news without him and that they’d be so casual about it.

“Thank you?”

“I just told them we went out before heading back to the apartment, I figured I’d wait for you before telling them that other thing.”

His confusion cleared at that, face going carefully blank as he reached for the paper on the table.

“Did you want to tell them or should I?”

“They’ll probably believe you more, don’t you think?”

Allison spoke up as Birdie threw some bacon onto another pan.

“What exactly won’t we believe?”

Five studied the paper in his hands, fighting a smirk as Birdie tried not to laugh from where she was pouring coffee.

“Birdie and I got married last night.”

For a second, all you could hear was the sizzling of food on the stove as his siblings’ jaws collectively hit the floor before they erupted into a wall of noise.

“No way!”

“How-?”

“Where-?”

“Mazel!”

Birdie plated their food, bringing it all over in a single trip like the seasoned waitress she once was. Dropping a kiss on Five’s lips, she sat down to the right of him as they began eating.

“You know you _still_ haven’t gotten the rings yet, right?”

Five waved her off with his fork even as he considered her point.

“We’ll pick some up today after we run our errands.”

Klaus cooed at them loudly, the only one taking the news in stride.

“Look at you two! Acting like an old married couple already!”

Birdie sent him a smile, touched that he seemed so happy for them.

“Thanks, Klaus. What’s Ben think?”

He waves vaguely to the space to his left, letting them all know where Ben was standing.

“He says he isn’t surprised that Five wouldn’t waste any time locking you down, just to paraphrase. He's very happy for the two of you.”

Five actually looked up at that, staring at the space Ben was for a moment before speaking.

“Thank you, Ben.”

Allison’s voice was considerably louder than before.

“How exactly are you married?”

The condescension was thick in Five’s voice while he rolled his eyes.

“I asked her to marry me, we exchanged vows, she’s my wife now. Haven’t you done this before?”

“You sure you got the order of events right there, sweetie?”

“I’m summarizing, they obviously have trouble grasping the concept.”

She pinches his side at that, which he ignores as Vanya leans forward in her seat.

“Where exactly did you two get married? Congrats by the way.”

“Thanks, Van. We technically got married in the apartment. Legally speaking our existence is _kinda_ shaky, so that leaves out a lot of options.”

Diego burst into the conversation at that remark.

“So, what? You two just - _agreed_ you were married and that’s it?”

Five took a sip of his coffee, relishing the caffeine before looking at his brother again.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

He fell back into his seat, staring at the couple in shock before shaking his head.

“Congratulations then, I guess.”

Birdie actually smiled at him then, glad to see he’d respect their decision.

“Thanks, Di.”

He took the unspoken forgiveness with relief in his eyes, tension disappearing from his shoulders. They’d finished their food, Five placing their dishes in the sink while Birdie went to the pantry to stock up for the day ahead.

“Where are you two going _now_?”

Birdie turned to Allison as Five jumped to stand beside her to take her hand.

“We have stuff to do, _someone_ needs to get us rings so people don’t ask all sorts of questions like this.”

Surprisingly, Luther spoke up at that - awkward as he was about it.

“Congratulations, I’m happy for you two.”

The couple blinked at him, speaking in unison before they popped out of existence.

“Thanks, Luther.”

“Yeah, I haven’t missed that.”

-

When they’re initial approach failed so early, they debated staking the place out till nightfall before they agreed that would take too long. Deciding to head back home to grab someone who _looked_ like an actual adult to try again.

On their way back, they stopped by a jewelry store. The couple stepped in, letting a rude old man who looked down his nose at their youthful appearance take their ring sizes before Five asked to use the bathroom. As Birdie distracted the man with useless questions about cuts, Five popped into the back room to look around. When he found a matching pair he liked, he popped back into the bathroom before making his way back over to Birdie asking if she was ready to go. Once they were a good block away, he dug the small velvet box out of his pocket.

Inside was a platinum ring with a diamond set between two sapphires and a matching platinum band for himself. Slipping the rings on, their steps didn’t falter as they made their way back to the mansion. It would seem everyone had busied themselves elsewhere, seeing as they could only find Klaus - who was more than happy to help after cooing over their rings. As he spun an elaborate backstory for having a son as old as Five (Birdie interjecting with suggestions), they raided Reginald's things for clothes. In their search, Klaus found a locked box which he decided he’d pawn for some pocket change. Neither stopped him, uncaring as they were about whatever Reginald saw fit to keep in there.

While Klaus and Five disappeared into the building, Birdie decided to wait on the steps outside. When the two sat beside her, she was quick to fuss over their injuries as Klaus regaled her about his brilliant plan. Brushing glass from her brother’s face, she turned to her husband with concern.

“So nothing on the eye?”

“Not even made yet.”

“Fuck.”

Klaus tried to offer some comfort, but his confusion was evident.

“What’s the big deal about an eye? Rather _macabre_ for a honeymoon, even for me.”

“The deal is someone’s going to lose this eye in the next seven days. They’re gonna bring about the end of life on this Earth as we know it.”

Birdie pinched him again for so callously dropping that particular bomb in his frustration.

“Bummer. I should really find a pawn shop soon then.”

“The apocalypse is coming and that’s all you can think about right now?”

“Well, I’m also quite hungry. Tummy’s a-rumblin’.”

He wriggles his fingers in front of himself, an old impression of Ben that has her kicking him in the shin on his behalf.

“Okay, maybe we don’t tell everyone if they’re gonna react like this.”

“Oh lighten up, I figured you two wouldn’t be quite so _frustrated_ anymore after consummating your marriage. Decades of waiting must have made it _fantastic_.”

The couple just glared at him for his crassness and his face lit up in understanding.

“ _Oh_? That explains why you’re so uptight! You must be horny as hell! Stuck in teenage bodies, all that time apart - the two of you should be going at it like bunnies!”

“Well, we kind of want to be married _longer_ than a week. Gotta have priorities before I drag Five home and lock you out of the apartment.”

“God, the longest I’ve ever been with someone was...I don’t know three weeks? And that was only because he made the most fantastic osso buco, though. It was...”

Five jumped them away at that, landing them in the back of a cab driving by. Birdie dealt with the driver while Five waved at Klaus from the window.

-

The pair decided to stake out the building for the rest of the day, hoping that they’d see something that would give them a clue. When that turned up nothing, Birdie demanded that they head to the mansion to check on the family before they called a meeting to tell everyone. When they arrived at the house, they were met in the foyer by Vanya. After years of living together, Birdie could tell that something was bothering her and as usual refused to beat around the bush.

“What happened? Are the boys being pricks again, did Luther try and pin a murder on you?”

That earned her a shaky smile while Vanya shook her head at them.

“Just - something happened today at a lesson.”

Birdie pulled away from Five then, wrapping the other woman in a hug.

“What happened?”

“This guy showed up for my four o’clock, around our age. The lesson was fine, but at the end, I think he was asking me out.”

Vanya didn’t date men, being for more interested in the fairer sex.

“Did he take the rejection well? Or do I need to take care of him?”

“Nothing like that, he backed off but for a second he was kinda... _pushy_.”

Birdie traded a look with Five at that, a silent question that he replied to with a single nod.

“What’s his name, V. Just in case we need to pay him a little _visit_.”

Much as Vanya hated confrontation, something inside her settled at the promise in Birdie’s voice.

“Leonard Peabody.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone is wondering, it is canon in the comics that The Commission modified Five as described in the chapter.
> 
> Let me know what you think! I'm kinda living for the comments right now.
> 
> I hope y'all liked it!
> 
> [Next chapter: There's a family meeting, Cha Cha and Hazel finally show up, and Birdie looks into who exactly Leonard Peabody is.]


	11. Where You Gonna Run To?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another family meeting is had, some long overdue character development takes place, and Five gets a little wasted to deal with his siblings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO ANYONE WHO WAS WAITING.
> 
> This just had so much more going on than I originally planned. 
> 
> On the bright side, it's done and I won't keep you any longer.
> 
> Hope you like it!

Birdie had always thought of herself as a massive miscalculation.

It wasn’t any one thing that made her think this, it was more a culmination of a lifetime of observation. Where she was _Before_ either hadn’t been able to keep her or was unable to get the answers they wanted from her. Unsure if there was more like her locked up in that lab, she could only assume she was the only one sold off from a failed experiment. It was the only thing that made much sense unless a bunch of billionaires bought up the rest - a thought that sent a shudder down her spine as if someone had walked over her grave. Coming to the mansion, Reginald had wasted no time starting his search for answers to questions she still didn’t know.

In the quiet of the night, when she laid there alone staring at her ceiling - her bed turned to cold unforgiving metal and the sound of the record player morphed into a pen scratching the paper of a leather-bound journal.

Whether he found them or not, she didn’t know.

What she did know was that he’d eventually put her to work, giving her a purpose beyond being a living cadaver. Training with the others - living with them - had changed her, in ways that Hargreeves failed to recognize. He’d used her to ‘teach’ them, but he couldn’t see her as a person enough to see how she reached for them after. Didn’t see how she’d smile at them unflinchingly with blood on her face, desperate to provide the comfort that Reginald denied them all. This unaccounted for affection had undermined his training at every turn, bringing them closer than he ever wanted them to be. _Teammates_ , that’s what he’d been aiming for - a team assembled to stop the end of the world.

Anything more than that was something that they’d chosen to be, despite everything.

The life she led now was a result of the failures of all who'd owned her before she claimed her autonomy. In the face of all her observations, she vowed to do better than all of them at setting expectations for herself. For the most part, she thought she did a pretty good job. In the past couple of days, however, so much had happened that she had to forgive herself for being knocked so off-kilter.

Reginald was _finally_ dead - freeing them of any ties that may have still lingered, besides the ones they had to each other. Luther and Pogo may be the only ones truly grieving, but she would not begrudge them that. Their relationships with the man were different and it was not her place to tell them how to handle things. Her outburst at the funeral wasn't something she regretted, though she did feel a twinge of guilt for being so harsh. Looking back, screaming as she had didn't seem like the best choice. Anger had bubbled in the back of her throat, pushing the words past her lips before she could think. Ranting in moments of unchecked rage wasn't her style, but it wasn't as if she hadn't meant it. The truth ringing behind her words was the only thing stopping her from apologizing - not wanting any regret expressed to be misinterpreted.

Five was _home_ \- talking about the end of the world as he slipped a ring on her finger and called her _his wife_. It was a dream realized and a new nightmare manifested. All she ever wanted handed to her on a platter with the looming threat of losing it all far too soon. Who could blame her for clinging to the happiness of seeing Five again? The weight of the ring of her finger was as reassuring as the medallion on her chest, reminding her that things were already changing. Spinning the platinum around, turning the diamond into her palm to feel the bite of it when she clenched her fist, it served to ground her when everything threatened to overwhelm.

Now, listening to Luther and Allison talk about Mom - it was all a bit too much. Her ring was digging into her flesh, two seconds away from tearing into her hand, shaking as an all too familiar volatile flare built in her gut.

When they’d finally moved on from the foyer, Birdie had been rubbing Vanya’s back soothingly as she reassured her while Five walked a step behind them, letting his presence act as a promise for retribution should it be needed. Turning to enter the sitting room with the bar, Allison had quite literally run into them - apparently on her way to find them for a family meeting that had already been called, based on the fact that the rest of the boys were already there.

They hadn’t even sat down when Luther started going on about security footage. Allegedly, Allison found _‘proof’_ that Mom was involved with whatever happened to Reginald. Diego was quick to dismiss everything, arguing with Luther that Mom hadn’t done anything other than take the old man’s monocle. For a moment Birdie met her brother’s eye, nodding her permission to reveal that they’d taken the lost monocle - Diego apparently throwing it off a pier the night of the funeral. Luther took it about as well as could be expected, throwing her a look that was probably meant to be intimidating but she met his gaze unblinkingly from her spot with Five by the bar. The pair looked like they’d start duking it out again, all misplaced rage and testosterone before Vanya cut in to explain Mom’s programming. The oversized brute had started talking about taking action, saying that _‘Grace’_ was degrading and dared to suggest turning her off.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, _wait!_ She’s not just some vacuum cleaner you can just throw in a closet!”

It was safe to say that Diego was not taking the turn in conversation well, though neither was she - as the edges of her vision went hazy with rage and copper burst across her tongue.

“She _feels_ things! I’ve seen it!” He turned to them all, gesturing with a knife that had found its way into his hand, “We’ve all seen it! Are you all forgetting that she raised us? About what she did for Birdie?”

“She just stood there, Diego, and watched our father die!”

Her eye twitched at the word. Father.

“ _Your_ father.”

“What?”

“She stood there and watched _your_ father die. **Not** mine, besides she wasn’t programmed to care for _him_ \- she was meant to provide for _us_. As far as I’m concerned, her programming is _fine_.”

“How can you say that? You saw how she was at the funeral.”

“So? Her creator was dead, that has to take some time to register.”

“That doesn’t change what happened that night if she was programmed to intervene - she failed. Her software must be degrading and that makes her a danger to all of us.”

Allison didn’t look up from her drink as she cut into the conversation.

“I’m with Luther.”

“Surprise, surprise!”

“Shut up.”

“Ally, how can you be for shutting Mom off? Throwing her away like she’s just some _thing_?”

The hurt in her voice was impossible to miss, Five slipping his arm around her waist in comfort while Allison met her eye apologetically but stood firm in her decision. They turned to Five then, waiting for his opinion. He said nothing, only taking Birdie fully into his arms as he scowled - his vote obviously with his wife. A bewildered look entered Vanya’s eyes for a moment when they turned to her, still so unused to voicing her opinion when the family was together like this.

“I don’t want to turn Mom off. Diego’s right, she feels things and we know it. We can’t just _kill_ her.”

“Grace is a robot, Vanya”

“She’s our _Mom_ , Luther.”

Diego spun around to Klaus, who’d been standing against a pillar in silence until then - red-rimmed eyes blinking sluggishly, letting those who knew what to look for know that he’d needed a little ‘help’ to get to sleep last night.

“What do you think? What’s Ben saying?”

A quick look at the table on his right let them all know where Ben was.

“I’m with Di and Birdie, cause _screw you!_ And Ben - _the bastard_ \- disagrees.”

Sending the space beside Klaus a wounded look, Birdie made her way over to Luther and Deigo - Five staying by the bar, watching his wife with interest as she straightened up to her full height in front of the gigantic mass that was their brother.

“There, 5-3 in favor of NOT murdering our Mom. Anything else you want to put to a _vote_? Wanna talk about putting Pogo down next? How about returning me to the Lab that made me? How else would you like to tear the family apart, _huh_?”

“Grace is a danger-“

“ **Stop** calling her that! Like she didn’t raise your ungrateful ass-“

“You never called her Mom before-“

“That was before the day I left! Things are different now and you know why!”

“Just because she gave you her name doesn’t mean-“

“Doesn’t mean _what?_ Doesn’t mean she’s _my_ mom? Doesn’t mean I get a _say?_ Doesn’t mean I’m _family?_ ”

“That wasn’t what I meant-“

“Well, what the **hell** did you mean exactly?”

“Grace is a robot-“

“THAT DOESN’T MAKE HER A **THING**!”

The silence that followed was so tense that no one dared move, the weight of it heavy in the air.

“Mom is not a _thing_ that you can turn off and lock away just because she’s of _no use_ \- because you think she’s _broken_. Is that how you're gonna treat the rest of us, how you want us to treat you? When you’re old and more insane than you are now, do you want us to just what - take you out back with a shotgun?”

“That is completely different.”

“How? She feels things. She may not be human, but neither is Pogo and you’d **never** talk about him like this.”

“She could be dangerous-“

“So _fix_ her! You wanna treat her like a thing? Fine!”, her hands dragged through her hair, pushing it back - running her nails briefly down her neck and leaving red lines that flashed vividly before fading, “ _Fine_. So, fix her. Have Pogo open her up or whatever to see if anything is wrong with her! We can’t just shut her off a-and forget about her so she collects _dust_ in some **fucking** closet somewhere!”

Five stepped up behind her then, gently taking her wrists to drag her hands away from where her nails were digging into her chest. Everyone had fallen silent, worry etched in their faces as they watched her struggle to get her breathing under control while her husband wrapped his arms around her with his hands firm on her wrists. Guilt took root in Luther and Allison at the sight of tears making their way down her face as she screwed her eyes shut, turning her head away from them as Five whispered soothingly in her ear.

“...I didn’t think of that.”

The halting admission from Luther caused a scoff to burst from her mouth unchecked.

“ _When do you ever?_ You’re just doing what _Reggie_ would have you do, strike first and ask questions _never_. I remember our training, _Number One_.”

The bitter note in her voice shocked them all, even her and quelled any anger Luther may have felt at the snub to his Father.

“What do you mean by that?”

“What do you _think_ I mean? Diego and Ben at least hesitated with me - Klaus never had a choice really - but you never even questioned what Reginald had you do.”

“What? The sparring? You sparred with Allison too-“

“Not the _sparring_ , I’m talking about the part where you **beat** me to death.”

The stunned look on his face would be funny if it weren’t so devastatingly lost.

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play _dumb_ with me - you had to know you were breaking my neck, it’s not exactly like you were _quiet_ about it.”

Five’s hold on her was getting painful, the only thing keeping him in place was the fact that Birdie was holding his hands just as tight as she faced Luther.

“I-I don’t-“

Realization washed through her, the anger going with it as a desperate chuckle bubbled in her throat.

“ _You didn’t know!_ ”

Nearly everyone in the room was conflicted, torn between anger at Luther and worry as Birdie broke down in hysterics as her knees gave out from under her - resting her weight completely on Five.

“All those years! All those sessions together - and you didn’t fucking know!”

Tears were slipping down her face as her laughter turned raw and her cheeks ached.

“I just thought y-you were doing what Reginald told you! Y-you were just being Number One,” her tone was a strange mix of bitterness and resignation, “and you were so **proud**. Whenever I’d take a minute to get back up, you looked so **pleased** \- but you didn’t even _know_ \- didn’t even question -“

“I...killed you?”

His voice was so small, the confusion on his face sobering her up - old instinct kicking in at the pain obvious in his eyes.

“You weren’t the only one, Luther. I mean - I didn’t even know that’s what happened until way later. I just thought that you’d have figured it out too, but I guess you never really questioned it, huh? I was always quickest to get back up with you, took me _hours_ to put myself back together after Ben and it was always a couple of minutes with Diego.”

“Are you...comforting me? After what I did to you...after what dad let me do to you?”

Five let go of her hands, letting her wipe at her face as her legs shifted to bear her weight again. Squaring off again to a shell-shocked Luther, she braced herself for this particular conversation.

“Would you do it again?”

“What? Of course not-“

“Then it’s okay.”

“It is _not_ okay-“

“No you’re right, it’s not. But I’m gonna say it is anyway. It’s okay, Luther.”

“How can you say that after-“

“That’s kinda the deal. You’re not the only person here forced to kill me, you just didn’t realize you were - which I can see is a nasty shock for you. That particular...training was never easy for anyone - they never meant it and I never held it against them. For a while, I just thought that you knew and didn’t care - now I know you didn’t mean it either. So...it’s okay.”

Luther fell into the couch, hope creeping into his eyes beside the horrified realization and disbelief.

“...Are you serious?”

Birdie wiped at her face again, bouncing over to him - forcing some pep into her step to crack the tension lingering in the room.

“Oh yeah, ask anybody. What’s a little unwilling murder between siblings?,” that was the first time she’d ever referred to them as such out loud, ”Come on, big guy. Let’s hug it out and call it even.”

Rising from his seat, he hesitated before slowly lifting his arms to wrap them gently around her small shoulders - her arms going just as slowly around his middle. Standing there hugging for the first time, they realized it was also the first time they’d ever touched outside of a fight. It was surprisingly nice, being able to be gentle with each other now that there wasn’t a looming presence demanding that they swing on each other. Luther tentatively tightens his arms when Birdie doesn’t let go, bringing her closer - bending his head down to rest his chin against the crown of her head where it pressed to his chest.

“I am so sorry, Birdie.”

“I forgive you, Luther. Just... _think_ about these things, yeah?”

His arms tightened gently, a newfound fear of hurting her making him painfully aware of exactly how much pressure he put on her - his face turning solemn as he met Five’s gaze over her head.

“I promise.”

Birdie squeezed him back, just as gentle as him, before pulling away to smile up at him which he returned just as hesitantly as the hug. Turning to the others in the room, who had been uncomfortably watching the ordeal - unsure what to do as the whole scene unfolded.

“As much as I’d like to adjourn this family meeting, there are actually a few more things on the agenda today - so everybody take a seat.”

Allison took the seat next to Luther on one sofa with Vanya on her other side as Diego claimed the other one with Klaus and left a space open for Ben. Five sat in an armchair he teleported to the upper level to retrieve, Birdie falling into his lap as she addressed their family.

“First things first, Di -,” he straightened up from his slouched position on the couch, “We need you to call Dora. We need everything she can get us on a Leonard Peabody.”

“What am I telling her this is for?”

“He’s Van’s newest student and he made her _uncomfortable_ , so I’m gonna need his address and if he’s got anything on record.”

“Are you okay, Vanya? Did he do anything to you?”

The knife was back in his hand, wavering by his scar as he searched his little sister’s face.

“He didn’t do anything - he was just kinda pushy asking to see me outside of a lesson.”

Allison wrapped her arms around her sister, holding on tightly as Klaus cooed at her soothingly from his seat.

“Don’t worry, Vanny. So much as a whiff of evil from this creep and Birdie will be crawling through his window with her psycho husband and everybody’s favorite knife enthusiast! It’ll be okay.”

“I was thinking I’d swing by his place before anything could get too far. I’ll take Five and Di for back up, Luther can come too - purely for intimidation purposes if he’s uncomfortable using his strength against a ‘ _civilian_ ’. Completely up to you, big guy.”

“I’ll come." He turned with a hesitant but real smile to his sister, "It’ll be okay, Vanya. We won’t let anything happen.”

Vanya returned his smile with a tiny one of her own, melting into her sister’s side at all the reassurance.

“Why can’t Klaus and I come?”

“Cause someone needs to stick with Van, Ally. Creepy guy might be _super_ creepy and I’m not running the chance that he catches her alone. So - we split into teams. We’re defence, you’re offence. Worst come to worst, you rumor him to stay away or Klaus here gets scrappy - Benny will be your lookout.”

An uncomfortable look passed over Allison’s face, but she nodded her consent regardless.

“That sounds like a solid plan, but my ability is a _last_ resort.”

“Of course, only in case of emergency.”

The reasons for Allison’s newfound reluctance to use her power was something they didn’t talk about outside of conversations she started herself, the rest having learned to respect her resolve to change her life so drastically. As that matter settled, Five leaned forward in his seat - pulling Birdie back to rest on his chest as he took over the conversation.

“With that out of the way, there’s something else we need to talk about.”

He waited for his siblings to turn to face him, giving them a moment to brace themselves.

“The world is ending in six days, if we don’t do something to stop it.”

A beat passed, a silence settling so heavy you could hear a pin drop from across the room before they erupted in a wall of noise.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE WORLD-“

“WHAT-“

“WHAT THE FU-“

-

It takes a while to get them to settle again, their shouting dying beneath matching scowls from the couple in the armchair. When they quiet down, Birdie turns to whisper in Five’s ear, asking if he feels up to telling the story all over again. He doesn’t, but he nods anyway - letting Birdie up to grab a bottle from the bar before she reclaims her seat in his lap. He makes it to the part where he finds their bodies before he takes a long pull from the bottle of whiskey, keeping it in hand as he explains how he eventually found his way home as Birdie stokes his hair from her perch. By the end, his siblings sit there with various looks of pity and confusion on their faces - making indignant rage fester in his chest that was only quelled by a thumb rubbing at his tense jaw until it relaxed.

“So the world is ending...in less than a week? _And you didn’t think to mention this earlier?_ ”

Five’s scowl turned on Allison as he gestured wildly with the now half-empty bottle.

“Oh, was I just supposed to tuck and roll into a _monologue_ when I fell from the sky? I found the love of my life after being apart for forty years, but I was supposed to ignore that because I owed y’all an explanation.”

“How about _after_ your little reunion? You find time to get married, but not let us know the w-world is ending?”

The whiskey sloshed loudly in the bottle as he used it to point at Diego.

“Shut it! I’m going through **puberty** \- _for the second time_ \- and I put off sleeping with my _wife_ to save the world. Don’t question my priorities!”

Klaus cut in as Five turned his face into Birdie’s neck, nuzzling his nose to her jaw.

“Am I the only one stuck on Fivey being a time-traveling assassin?”

“I was the _best_ , Birdie. Did my best to get back - was the Four _Fuckin’_ Horsemen.”

His mumbling was interspersed with pressing whiskey scented kisses into the skin beneath her ear.

“Gotta quit that, _Five_. We’re at a family meeting.”

He throws his head back dramatically, letting the bottle be pried from his hand as he let out a heavy sigh.

“Right, right. Gotta make sure the world we love doesn’t go bye-bye before I get my hands on you.”

“Well, I was thinking not while you were drunk and in front of the family - but your point works too.”

Wide eyes take in his siblings like he’d forgotten they were there - pointedly not looking at them as their brother got cozy with his wife.

“I should sober up, gotta plan for the apocalypse - can’t be compromised. You good to handle them while I go get some coffee?”

She pops up from her seat, holding out her hands to hoist him up - using his momentum to land a kiss on his lips before letting go.

“Be right back.”

Birdie spun on her heel, facing the others as her husband popped out of existence behind her.

“So! Any questions?”

-

They had about a million, which she answered to the best of her ability with Five off sobering up. For the most part, she had to defend his sanity - telling them all about the Griddy’s incident to validate the concerns about The Commission, much to the surprise of her family.

_“That was you?! Eudora caught that case!”_

_“That’s what you two consider a date?”_

The biggest challenge was Allison’s desire to hop a plane to see her daughter, which it physically pained Birdie to talk her out of.

_“What’s the point of going to her, if you’re just gonna sit there waiting to die?”_

_“She’s my daughter!”_

_“And my niece! Who deserves to grow old and have a life, which she won’t get to do if we just let the world end!”_

Surprisingly, Luther was the quickest to accept the news - though maybe not so surprising - he was always so convinced of the Academy’s mission. He refused to stop focusing on the moon angle, however.

_“Dad said to look out for threats!”_

_“The fuck does the moon have to do with the end of the world?”_

Diego and Klaus didn’t take long to fall in line either, both willing to do what they could even if they preferred to focus on the Leonard issue.

_“We can’t just leave Peabody unchecked, what if he catches us off guard while we handle the apocalypse thing?”_

_“I’m with Di! Always gotta keep an eye on those types, never know when their gonna sneak up the fire escape playing Peeping Tom!”_

The conversation devolved by that point, turning to plans for a buddy system without Five there to guide them through a game plan for stopping the end of all things. While they were dividing the next six days between themselves, they were unaware of the front door’s latch coming undone. It was only at the almost completely silent sound of steps that Birdie stood from her seat, the others falling quiet as they listened with perked ears. At the unfamiliar gait, Birdie signaled Diego - who gathered Klaus and Vanya to tuck them safely into a closet by the bar. Luther rose from his seat, positioning himself closer to the entryway as Allison stood with Diego defensively in front of the closet - not too close as to give away its importance but close enough that they’d have to be dead for anyone to get to it. Birdie quietly opened her duffel, slipping her knuckles on and taking two knives from their sheaths.

The mansion fell into tense silence as they waited for the intruders to meet them, ready to divide and conquer to drive them further away from the most vulnerable members of the family - unaware that Ben was braced as an invisible barrier over the closet door.

Two figures appeared wearing metallic mascot helmets and suits, holding automatic rifles that immediately opened fire on the room - gunfire cutting through the quiet.

Luther was quick to jump on the duo, ripping both guns out of their hands before throwing them into the wall - causing them to shatter with the impact. Diego’s knives cut through the air as Allison charged at Pink Puppy and Birdie threw herself on Blue Bear's back. Her knife sunk deep into Blue’s shoulder, tearing a scream that was muffled behind the mask before she was flung off his back and into the wall. Popping back up, she took a running start back into it - braced for a fight that matched up more with her memories of Luther than anything else. Absently registering that Allison and Diego had already driven Pinky out of the room, she circled the fight between the two giant men - leaping in with cheap shots to give Luther the advantage while trying to guide the fight away from the closet.

Picking up a lamp, she brought down the weight of it on the back of Bear’s mask - leaving a dent in the metal before he backhands her so hard she feels her jaw shatter. Feeling it pop back into place, she braced herself as Bear shifted his attention to her as Luther went to grab a weapon of his own. Bear is caught off guard when she leaps at him again, climbing up his considerable height until her legs are locked around his neck - bringing her fists down to hear the rapid _ting_ of brass on steel. He grabs at her, sending punches into her ribs that she takes without flinching even as the crunch of them breaking echoed grotesquely.

“ _What the **fuck** are you?_”

Luther swung a coat rack at Blue’s knees, sending him crashing down as Birdie was distracted by Pink limping by the door enough to be pried off her victim. Her body went flying through the entryway, headfirst into the wall just outside it. The shock of her spine shattering for the first time in a decade had her disoriented as Allison and Deigo rejoined the fight. Her bones were shifting back into place still when the chandelier came crashing down, Luther pushing the others out of the way as he took the brunt of the blow. Blinking roughly - she was vaguely aware of Blue coming at her, sending her feet into the nose of his mask when he leaned down as if to grab her. A knife landed in the wall beside her head, which she instantly pulled from the wood and used to slash wildly at Bear until he backed off - retreating out of the house empty-handed.

Dragging herself up onto wobbly legs that lagged behind her brain, she stumbled into the room to see Luther get up from the ground. The sight of his body being revealed by ripped clothes boggled the mind, her jaw dropping at the sight of scarred skin _covered_ in hair. The vulnerability on his face tugged at her heart, but her body still wasn’t responding correctly enough to stop him from running from the room. Watching him go, she resolved to deal with that later after she was sure the danger had passed.

“Di, check on Mom and Pogo. Ally, get the other two somewhere safer while I take a look around.”

Each step she took into the room was stronger than the last, until she was standing up straight in front of her siblings who looked just as troubled as she felt. Before the three could break apart to do their jobs, a familiar _thwip_ sounded behind them. Turning collectively, they saw Five standing in the newly destroyed room - taking in everything with a furrowed brow, his jaw dropped slightly before he looked to his wife for an explanation.

“I wasn’t even gone an hour.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I had Five show up fifteen minutes late with Starbucks, don't you judge me.
> 
> I hope it was worth the wait!
> 
> Let me know what y'all thought in the comments! I am living for the observations!
> 
> [Next Chapter: Five explains some more, The Family tries to make an actual plan, and Eudora show up!]


	12. Tell Me Love Is Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hazel is Conflicted, Eudora is Amazing, and Five takes a Nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said that this chapter would come faster, but then I was struck with an Idea~. 
> 
> So I rewrote the whole thing. But I did get it done in time for their collective birthday, so yay!
> 
> (Just a reminder that this is an AU, so some things will shift from what they are in canon but I'm trying to keep certain plot points even if they will be different in this story.)
> 
> Anyway, hope you like this complete revision of Chapter 12!

Hazel had always thought that he was satisfied. Landing himself steady work with the Commission, finding a partner like Cha Cha, seeing the world as they killed all sorts of people. There was a time when it was the life. When he thought it was the only life he would ever want to lead. Over the past couple of years, things had changed - _he_ had changed.

He didn't know when or how, but at this point, it was impossible to ignore.

His life was losing that shine it used to have, like paint peeling at the edges that he couldn't help but pick at until it fell away. His work was becoming tedious, budget cuts gutting any joy he once felt as their accommodations went to the dogs. What he saw of the world now wasn't worth looking at and getting up in the morning was getting harder to do. The killing had lost the thrill it once had, any satisfaction he once felt drying up with the monotony of stiff beds and moldy walls. 

Cha Cha didn't share his sentiments, content to do the job day in and day out. It was straining their friendship - his newfound dissatisfaction - causing their professional relationship to become a hallow imitation of its former glory. She tried though, attempted to shake Hazel from his funk and remind him of the good old days. For brief moments it worked, helping him get out of his own head and do the job. In those moments, he was _almost_ satisfied.

It never lasted though.

They were getting shorter with every day that passed. Hazel was lucky if he could keep his game face on for a couple hours now, his mask getting heavier and heavier - slipping at the worst moments. He wasn't the only one to notice. Cha Cha was losing what little patience she was capable of as Hazel grew more contemptuous. Their banter turned to bickering, losing the playful edge it once held.

That was something else he never thought he'd question either. He'd always imagined spending the end of his days with Cha Cha. It was a knowledge that settled in almost immediately after they partnered for the first time. They'd clicked, fitting so well together it seemed obvious to stick with each other forever. There are worse things then gallivanting around with your best friend until one of you (or both) bites their last bullet. That's how things were meant to be.

Hazel and Cha Cha. Until the end.

So why was he wondering what it would be like if someone else took her place?

He blamed this _damned_ job. Hunting down one of their own - _someone who defected_ \- it was putting all sorts of ideas in his head. Number Five, the Best of the Best, someone he _admired_ was choosing a life outside of the Commission. Not only that, but he had help. A group of weirdos who didn't hesitate to fight back to fend them off. Hazel had only fought two of them, but that was enough to piss him off and put him on edge. Going up against the giant had been one thing, Hazel was more than capable of giving as good as he got. The other one though. The one who just _wouldn't_ stay down. No matter how hard he hit, no matter how many bones he broke. Which he knew he did, he _heard_ the crackle through his mask - could _feel_ the give beneath his fists. He didn't know what she was, but he knew they weren't being paid nearly enough based on the burning in his shoulder and ringing in his ears.

As he walked away empty-handed, he had to wonder if this was all worth it. Stopping by that donut shop Number Five had left a massacre in, talking to the waitress with kind eyes - it made him imagine. About what it would be like, to run away and start over again. If someone as good as Five was willing to run, why couldn't he? Though it seemed like the other man was running to something as much as he was running from the Commission. Maybe that was the difference? Everything Hazel had was with the Commission. His work and Cha Cha. Neither seemed like enough anymore though, awful as that sounded.

Maybe he needed something else?

Something worth running for?

Someone?

Like that waitress with the sweet smile?

He dismissed the thought, shoving it aside as he felt the tacky pull of drying blood beneath the back of his suit. Donuts in hand, he made his way back to the motel slowly. Not exactly eager to return and face Cha Cha's no doubt foul mood, he took his time - looking into store windows to kill the time. Then, he saw it. In the darkened window of a half-priced book store. White on black, the symbol that had led them to the mansion. The one Number Five had tattooed on his wrist, bold as anything in the center of a book cover.

_'Living Beneath the Umbrella'?_

Maybe he wouldn't be going back quite so empty-handed.

-

Detective Eudora Patch considered herself a very happy woman. She was in the prime of her life with a job she loved, a nice apartment, and a devoted boyfriend who's family she actually got along with. There was very little that she could complain about in her personal life. As frustrating as her professional life could get, there is nothing else she would rather do than help people. It was what drew her to Diego despite their differences - that initial common ground. Diego's hero complex might come from a completely different place, a result of a past it took years to get any real idea about, but it didn't change his desire to help the helpless.

It fueled his every motive, effected his every decision and she loved him for it.

Eudora remembers meeting his siblings, how it changed things between them. He'd taken her back to his place for the first time, shocking her with where exactly the apartment they all shared was. With how protective he seemed of his family, she hadn't expected such a rough neighborhood. But he seemed so at _home_ walking with her down the street, his stride confident as he greeted other people. Waving to the people working in the little shops that broke up tenement buildings, scowling at the shadier characters who strayed too close to her - sending them scurrying away as they tried to avoid his gaze. It wasn't completely new to see him look so intimidating, but it was easy to forget that part of him when he was so different with her.

What had been completely new was the way he'd practically morphed into a new person when they walked across the threshold. It was a complete 180 - glare melting into a grin, tension falling from his shoulders as he called out to the others. She'd never seen him so at ease, watching him hug his brother who'd immediately popped up from the couch to greet them. His sister had followed at a much more sedate pace, a tiny smile on her face as Diego checked them both over. A voice had called from the kitchen, obscured from view but no doubt responsible for the mouthwatering scent in the air.

Diego had made brief introductions at the door, Klaus and Vanya both having differing but equally enthusiastic reactions to her presence in their home. They moved as a unit, ushering her towards the kitchen to meet the last of his siblings. His sister who wasn't _legally_ his sister. _Practically my sister-in-law_ , he once said but refused to expand on. Hands on her shoulders guided her ahead, a step behind his siblings as they entered the kitchen. Standing in front of the stove had been a young girl, a wooden spoon in hand as she stirred what smelled like heaven in a pan. Turning to them with flour on her apron, she'd immediately zeroed in on Eudora. For a heart-stopping moment, she didn't smile - simply stared at her as if she was looking into her soul to see all her sins. What she saw must not have worried her, an ecstatic grin quickly taking over her face a moment later.

_"Eudora! It's so good to finally meet you!"_

It was the first thing Birdie Grace had ever send to her and she still couldn't shake the feeling that it had been a seal of approval. One that Diego had been wanting, based on how _happy_ he'd looked as he'd gone to greet his other sister. Eudora definitely knew that his family's approval is what led to him opening up to her as he had after that dinner in his apartment. She knew he hadn't told her everything, but he'd told her enough. 

Before the book, he'd told her the basics - his abilities, The Umbrella Academy, his Mom. About the Numbers, which could make her just about cry whenever she thought about the fact that they legally didn't have _names_. His name is _Number Two,_ and it breaks her heart when he and his siblings call each other by Number out of habit. All of it was enough for her to glimpse the bigger (very traumatic) picture. When he was writing the book, he'd told her more - not wanting her to find out about what he and his family had been through from the pages he'd written. He told her about training - about Ben, Five, and Birdie. That conversation had gone on long into the night, watching him flip between rage and a sort of helplessness as he explained what had really happened in the mansion he grew up in.

The first and only time she'd seen him cry was after he stuttered through who exactly Five and Ben were. What had happened to them and why he avoided talking about them in front of her. One missing, the other dead but still haunting Klaus - who could commune with the dead apparently. Both varying degrees of unreachable to him, something she knew tore at him more than anything. When she asked about Five though, it had him explaining Birdie. Who she was, what her role had been, and her relationship to each of them.

Practically his sister-in-law. That's what she is to him.

Talking about _Number_ _Five_ \- about _the love of Birdie's life_ \- was something Diego avoided because he never knew how she'd handle it on any given day. Some days were better than others, Birdie happy to talk about Five for as long as anyone would listen. Others had her retreating to her room, staring blankly at numbers on worn out pages. Hurting her was to be prevented at _all_ costs, something he was particularly adamant about. He didn't tell her exactly _why_ right away, skirting around it until he couldn't anymore. Like floodgates giving way, everything else had spilled out. All his guilt laid bare at her feet, tears making their way down his face as he stared off into nothing - lost in memories that would never fade.

Eudora had held his hand through it all, coming to a realization after he'd finally fallen asleep. She'd found the love of her life in Diego Hargreeves. It was a surprisingly simple fact that she'd latched on to as soon as it crossed her mind. The realization meant that things would have to change - that _she'd_ have to change, at least a little. Being with Diego meant being part of his family - his mix-matched, deeply traumatized family, who'd been raised effectively outside of the law and never truly adapted after their escape. So she'd have to adjust her views on some things, bend her rules a bit to help protect them, turn the other cheek when needed.

She'd found that it was completely worth it, to keep what she'd found with them.

So, when Diego called asking her to meet the family at home - she didn't hesitate. Finishing up her work, she'd immediately made her way to her car. Pulling out of the parking lot, she didn't head for the place she shared with Diego. Instead, she turned onto the street that would take her to that same apartment where a meal had sealed her relationship with him.

If she turned on the siren to get there as soon as possible, that was no one's business but hers.

-

Five was too sober to be dealing with this right now.

Acutely aware that they were about to start his third day back on no sleep, he and Birdie ran a perimeter check around the mansion as she filled him in on exactly what had gone down after he left. When she was done, he'd simply given her the names of the assassins - waiting to go into greater detail when they gathered the family again. After they swept the grounds, they went back inside to give the all-clear before they took everyone to the apartment. As big as the mansion was, it made it impossible to secure it to either of their satisfaction and neither was willing to run the risk of letting their siblings stay another night.

They find Pogo first, working on Mom who’d been delivered by Diego after he found her sewing into her hand - completely oblivious to the fighting that took place. The chimp refuses to come with them, preferring to stay within the mansion for the night. Though he does reassure them should anyone else attack, he’d have Grace up and running to defend him.

They find Allison with Diego guarding Klaus and Vanya in Birdie’s old bedroom, who are all quick to agree that going to a more secure location was for the best - most of them eager to return to their beds for the night. Birdie leaves to go get Luther while the others grab their things, Five making his way to his room to pack spare clothes and his book. Luther takes a minute to answer his door when she knocks, but when he finally peeks his head out she’s quick to fill him in on the plan. Much as she’d like to confront him about what exactly they’d all seen back there, she didn’t want to poke that sore spot just yet. He resists, stating that he’d be fine in an attack should anyone else dare to strike so soon. A quick reminder that they need him to defend the others is all it takes for him to cave though. She leaves him to grab his things and get dressed, letting her feet guide her to Five’s old bedroom.

When they were younger, they never actually spent much time in his room. The seclusion and size of her room offered them more privacy, the size of the bed giving them an excuse to be close until they hadn’t needed one anymore. But there were times that they found themselves in Five’s much bigger space. It was usually to study, utilizing the bigger desk as well as the floor and walls for whatever had caught their attention at the time. It was an effective workspace, each of them having their own sections of notes on the walls and scattered through journals - the edges blurring as they left annotations on the other’s work. Though they _were_ teenagers, so there were moments when studying fell to the wayside and they utilized the bigger space for completely _different_ purposes.

It seemed to be all she could think about, standing in the doorway watching Five pack away spare uniforms. The few times they'd warmed _his_ bed, the occasional debate turning heated and ending with her bent over the desk, the odd time or two on the floor. Looking back, she regretted not spending more time here. They’d spent so much time cramped in her shoebox of a room, what would it have looked like to get comfortable in a space like this? To know he was holding her because he _wanted_ to, not just because he didn’t want to roll off the edge of the bed?

She really did love that desk.

Lost in an internal debate about whether to buy a new one for their room at the apartment or to simply steal the old one for sentiment, she almost didn’t notice Five calling her name. It seemed her instincts were as sharp as ever, no doubt sensitive from the fight earlier because she was turning to him in an instant. Making her way over to him, she watched him finish packing up his minimal belongings.

“You don’t want to take anything else home while we’re here?”

He takes her hand, giving her a fond look at the casual declaration. _Home_. It sounded strange after so long without one, but he supposed that _was_ what he’d been trying so long to get back to. Now, it was just about keeping it.

“Not right now, no.”

Birdie gestures to the desk pressed to his wall with her chin as they make their way out the door.

“We’re taking that home with us later. I’ll clear some space in our room.”

The look he sends her in question is answered by a smile that sends his heart racing. He remembered that desk all too well, agreeing with a nod while he tried to get his mind out of the gutter she’d sent it plunging into. Much as he hated to admit it, Klaus had a point earlier about them. _Should be going at it like bunnies._ Five was practical enough to acknowledge that the frustration he was feeling was clouding his mind a bit, diverting his attention at an increasing frequency. But they had a mission and certain things had to wait at the moment, much as they detested the self-imposed hold they place themselves in.

Making their way down to meet the others in the garage, they piled into the van Five and Birdie had 'liberated' for the sake of the mission. Diego getting behind the wheel, Five taking the passenger seat with Birdie in his lap again, and all the rest sitting in the back.

“The people who attacked tonight, who were they?”

Diego didn’t look away from the road, but it was obvious he was only starting the conversation so Five could take over and explain.

“Hazel and Cha Cha, the one Luther and Birdie fought was Hazel. The other was Cha Cha. Assassins with the Commission, some of the best. Not as good as _me_ obviously, but they aren’t something we can ignore.”

“When we get to the apartment we need to figure out where Luther and Ally are sleeping. We’ll draw the curtains and hunker down - sleep in shifts so no one sneaks up on us. The schedule we worked out earlier goes into effect tomorrow after we all sit down to figure out a real game plan, understood?”

Birdie was met with various sounds of agreement, for once no one fighting about a course of action.

“Eudora’s gonna meet us there, we need her to look into Peabody and I don’t want to leave her alone at our place for the night. She’ll bunk with me in my old bed.”

Five cuts in, wary of a stranger coming near his family so soon after an attack.

“Eudora?”

“Di’s girl. She’s a cop, we like her.”

He settled at Birdie’s brief explanation, trusting her sense of judgment as she turned back to their brother.

“She should stay close, badass as she is. It's best if we stick together, keep our eye on her.”

Vanya spoke up as Diego nodded his approval.

“Allison can sleep in my room, my bed’s big enough for both of us.”

The pair exchanged a smile, finding excitement in the thought of having something vaguely like a sleepover.

“Big Man here can take my bed, as I doubt our couch is even big enough for _one_ of his shoulders. That means no hanky panky with Dora! I’ll be not four feet away!”

The family settles into something resembling a normal family, with Diego threatening to toss Klaus out the back while all the others laugh.

Birdie rests her cheek lightly on top of Five’s hair, feeling him turn his head to press his lips to the center of her chest before settling his ear over the same spot. Allison reaches over the console, flicking on the radio to fill the empty air as they settled in for the drive. Her fingers play with silky brown strands as she absently hums to the old ballad that crooned from the speakers, letting her eyes drift shut for a moment. Five does the same, listening to the faint hum over the beat of her heart and basking in the feel of her touch.

In a moment between blinks, the couple falls asleep in each other's arms for the first time in decades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I gave you Hazel and Eudora POV. As a treat. And I had Hazel get the book instead, just so we can explore what it would be like if he was the one to read about the Hargreeves' instead. (Am I the only one who wonders what that would have been like?)
> 
> Hope to hear from y'all in the comments, especially because I completely backtracked to give some Variety this chapter. Would y'all be interested in more of that in the future?
> 
> Let me know! [Edit: If you’re interested, you can find me on Tumblr as youfuckinfudgenutter.]
> 
> [Next Chapter: Five and Birdie wake up (sadly, babies can't get no rest), Five meets Eudora, and Hazel has Thoughts about what he reads.]


	13. Impossible to Ignore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five wakes up (but we let Birdie sleep a little longer), Eudora and Five meet, and Hazel gets an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, this one went places.
> 
> No warnings this chapter, but remember: the only thing here that belongs to me is Birdie!
> 
> Also, you can now find me on Tumblr under the same username (youfuckinfudgenutter)!
> 
> Enjoy!

If the past forty years have made Five anything, it is acutely self-aware.

Decades in isolation and all his time working alone gave him plenty of time to think about things when he wasn't working out the math for the trip home. With his intellect, it wasn't difficult to reach an understanding with himself - however painful it may have been to face it.

When he was younger - he had been arrogant, angry, and too rebellious for his own good. He'd pushed himself beyond his limits too often, grew overly confident when he succeeded, and paid too little attention to the way his body _screamed_ in protest. With Birdie there to soothe the ache away, Five had fixated on the extent of his abilities. His connection to time and space - the way it curled around him and yielded beneath his touch. In his mind, his superiority was granted by the universe itself.

He also knew that getting stuck in the apocalypse had done very little to humble him in the long run. Mistakes weren't something he could let get in his way, never letting himself view them as anything other than reversible. Letting that belief slip for even a second would have been the end of him and he had long decided that Klaus wouldn't be breaking his promises for him.

Age _had_ changed him though, all that time alone taking its toll - on his mind and body. He knew this, much as he loathed dealing with it. The time he'd spent with the Commission hadn't done much to help matters. It wasn't as if an organization focused on the preservation of the timeline cared much for the mental health of the people they sent out to do their dirty work. Not that it stopped him from working on what he could. It took him nearly a year to get used to seeing other people, never completely readjusting to crowds. Too many people with no right to touch him brushing against him, making his skin crawl.

In his travels, he tended to keep to himself - carrying on one-sided conversations with the Birdie that existed in his memory.

His appetite was harder to get back, so long spent scrounging for scraps had left what seemed like a permanent mark. Years of forcing himself to eat past the point his stomach could handle, forcing himself to keep it all down and getting sick when he lost that battle had done some good. Now he could eat normally portioned meals without getting sick, but the urge to leave some for later remained as did the impulse to hide food away.

Drinking was something he'd need to work harder on, now that he was back. In the apocalypse, clean water had dwindled faster than anything else. He'd been forced to drink whatever he could get his hands on and alcohol flowed even through the end of the world it seemed. His taste for liquor - while once essential to his survival - was something he knew had grown into something far more dependent decades ago. With the Commission, he'd indulged - not even trying to curb the habit. Drank himself into stupors to try and sleep when he could no longer function or handle the thought of what he'd done on any particular day.

Sleep - that elusive bitch.

The end of the world, believe it or not, did not breed the best sleeping habits. Rest had come in fits and starts, reality and nightmares bleeding together until the only way he could tell he was awake was by pressing his fingers into bruises and scraps to see if he felt anything. At first, it was easy enough to tell because his dreams were the only place he'd see others - see them. As time wore on though, that had changed as his mind tried to cope with the isolation. Sometimes when he'd go too long in the sun or without a sip of water, he'd catch a glint of metal and suddenly there his girl was - smiling as if nothing was wrong until his hand slipped through her cheek. The same thing happened when he came across the odd piece of Umbrella Academy memorabilia. His eyes would catch on faded cartoon versions of his siblings and his mind would conjure them up - sometimes as the kids they had been when he left, others as the adults he'd buried.

He had collected every piece, desperate to remember what his family looked like as time eroded his memory.

So, Number Five was aware that he was an angry old man with a superiority complex that would make God look humble and more issues than he cared to admit out loud.

He wasn't expecting to fall asleep in the front seat. Five especially wasn't expecting to sleep so well, only waking when Diego placed his hand on his shoulder. Coming out of the nap slowly, only to find himself clinging to his wife with the circulation in his legs cut off from where her weight was settled across his thighs. For a moment, he bites his nails into his palms - letting the slight pang anchor him to reality. A reality where he'd apparently had the best sleep of his life in a crowded van. Before he can think about anything passed that, Klaus is opening the passenger side door softly - holding both his and Five's bags.

"Home sweet home. Think you can handle carrying the wife across the threshold or do you want to wake her?"

His brother's voice is soft, careful not to be his usual exuberant self as Vanya popped up over his shoulder, Birdie's duffle already on her back.

"I've got 'er."

Words slurred with sleep, eyes blinking heavily as he shifted his hold on his wife, his slightly numb legs slipped out to plant his feet on asphalt. Standing there a moment to let the blood rush back to his legs, he contemplated jumping all the way to Birdie's room as he distributed her evenly in his arms - one arm braced under her knees, the other under her back with her face tucked tightly into his neck. Deciding that a jump would no doubt wake her, he began to walk toward the apartment building. His siblings fell in step with him, surprising him as they fell into a loose but noticeable formation around them. Allison pulled ahead to hold the door, Klaus and Vanya flanking them on either side, with Diego and Luther bringing up the rear.

The trek up the stairs to the fifth floor is agonizingly slow, the halls too narrow as he took deliberate steps to avoid tripping on stairs he couldn't see. Every couple of feet he readjusts his hold, Birdie making her little noises and pressing her nose to the place his pulse thuds beneath his skin. By the time they reach the door, his back aches like his body is 58 again. Refusing to let it show to avoid anyone trying to offer to take her, he bites down on his back teeth and waits patiently as Vanya opens the door for them. Five doesn't hesitate to walk into the apartment, steps swift as he starts to make his way to Birdie's room.

Only to come to a halt halfway there as he registers the woman standing by the dining table unpacking what smelled like Chinese take out. Pain in his back forgotten, he clutches Birdie closer to him as he and the stranger stared at one another. He's partially sure who she is, but is still ready to jump away at a moment's notice.

"Who are you?"

She blinks at him, thrown by the questioning. Straightening her back, she regards him with just as much suspicion, her eyes landing on Birdie.

"Funny, I was just about to ask you the same thing."

Her gaze stays on Birdie, but her stance remains rigid like she'll pounce any moment. Five doesn't know how to feel about that quite yet.

"I asked first."

"I'm Eudora Patch."

Five doesn't let his guard down as his siblings make their way into the apartment, but he is mildly reassured.

"I'm Number Five. Nice to meet you."

He forces himself to be somewhat civil, remembering that Birdie actually likes Eudora.

"Number Five? As in _Birdie's_ _Five_?"

She's blinking hard in shock, shoulders losing some tension but her guard still up as Diego makes his way over to her.

"It's been a long couple of days, babe."

Turning back towards his destination, he leaves his brother to explain his return. Nudging the door open with his foot, he walks over to the bed in the center of the room. As he settles Birdie gently on top of the soft blue cotton comforter, he absently thinks that it’d be best to move the bed to the corner so he could position Birdie between himself and the wall. It would also free up space for his desk, but he shoves _that_ thought away before it could run away from him. Standing there for a moment, he watches Birdie fuss about - burrowing her head into a pillow before throwing her arm out over the empty side of the bed like she was reaching for someone. _Reaching for him._

The thought of settling in the space next to her crosses his mind, but he can hear his siblings’ voices still in the living room and watch needed to be sorted out. Reaching to brush the hair from her face, he waits until she settles down beneath his touch before making his way out of the room - sure to leave the door open slightly. Making his way into the living room, he sees his family spread out across the apartment. Klaus and Vanya are seated at the table, trying and failing to eat with chopsticks. Their giggles reach his ears beneath the other voices in the room, his lips twitching at the sound. Diego and his girlfriend are standing off to the side of the table, half-hidden by the curtain that divided the space into his brother’s ‘room’ as they talk in somewhat ‘hushed’ voices. Allison and Luther are roaming the space much like he did the other night, his sister smiling at a photo of her daughter while his brother looks at the records piled beside the record player in the corner.

Klaus is the first to spot him, waving him over with his chopsticks enthusiastically. Five settles into the seat at the head of the table, giving him the best vantage point of the room. Vanya slides over a white box marked ‘BIRDIE’ in sharpie, shrugging when he looks at her with a furrowed brow.

“Figure she won’t mind sharing with you as long as you save her some.”

Nodding along, he pops the box open when the curtain next to the table suddenly whips by his head. Diego and Eudora settle into the seats immediately in front of them, simultaneously reaching for their food. In practiced movements, they open their containers and split the helpings between themselves. It warms Five slightly, to see that his brother has found this ease with someone. Turning his attention back to the orange chicken he’d apparently be having for dinner, he’s slightly caught off guard at the sound of his name.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Five. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“You have?”

He doesn’t know why he’s surprised, but he is.

“Of course she has! Our dear sweet Birdie told all _sorts_ of stories while you were away, Fivey.”

Klaus’s voice is teasing, but his face is genuine as he smiles at him so he lets the nickname slide with a scowl for the time being. Shoving fried rice into his mouth, he contemplates where to go from here. He’s always hated small talk and Birdie isn’t here to bridge the gap. But he’s aware that a part of him wants to... _try_ to get to know this person who obviously means something to his family. He can see it in the easy way they exist around her, so unconcerned with her presence as they joke and laugh openly.

“Eudora, right? So, how’d you meet Diego?”

The words feel stiff in his throat, unsure in the delivery but the attempt is clear. His brothers are beaming at him and Vanya is hiding a tiny smile in her lo mein.

“We met years ago in the police academy, but we didn’t get together until way later. We’ve been together for almost seven years?”

Eudora’s smile is kind as she turns to Deigo for confirmation, which he’s quick to give.

“Seven years in May.”

“Seven years with Diego? Impressive.”

Five smirks at his brother's indignation, amusement plain on his face while he sputters at him.

“No more impressive than you and Birdie. You’ve been together since you were how old, fourteen?”

He regards her carefully at that, taken aback by the playful edge to her words as she met his gaze head-on.

“Been together 16 years in April. Or 44. Depends on how you look at it.”

“Wait, really? How - oh right! _Time travel_.”

Nodding his head, he waits for the thought to settle as she blinks her eyes in shock again.

“Time travel, tends to warp one's perspective.”

“So, to you - you’ve been together 44 years?”

“It’s the only reason I’m not judging Deigo for not proposing yet. Seven years doesn’t seem so bad in comparison.”

Diego starts choking on his broccoli at that, while everyone else bursts into shocked laughter.

“Oh, is that why you waited five seconds before proposing when you got back? How tragically _romantic!”_

Turning a deadpan look on a cooing Klaus, he shrugs nonchalantly.

“Would have been married at 18 otherwise.”

“You're _engaged?”_

Eudora looks shocked and awed, hands over her heart as she looks at him with glassy eyes. He’s torn between being uncomfortable with the attention and smug at the opportunity to drop this particular bomb again.

“We're married, actually.”

She actually gasps at that, hands going to her mouth before she lashes out and smacks Diego on the arm.

“Birdie gets _married_ and you don’t say anything? Oh, you so owe me twenty bucks! I _totally_ called this!”

“You what?”

She turns back to him, smile wide and genuine.

“When Birdie said you were coming back someday, I bet Diego twenty bucks that you’d get married. Didn’t realize it’d happen right away, but I shouldn’t be surprised - the way Birdie talked about you should have clued me in.”

With the realization that this person - someone who didn’t know him in the slightest - believed he’d be back on the word of his wife, Five decided that Birdie was right. They _did_ like Eudora.

-

_(I was not designed to be kind._

_Though I was not designed to be much, other than a feat of genetic engineering._

_I still have no idea what the people who made me were trying to achieve that lead to me. I do know they left me broken and hollow in ways that linger - in ways that I’ve yet to completely fill. Pieces of me were ripped out so early I still don't know exactly what once occupied the empty spaces left behind. Other parts I know were carved out and left to rot in the biohazard bins of sterile labs. My time under Reginald Hargreeve's thumb shaped me in his warped vision of my "true potential", before my time under his roof allowed me to break the mold I was shackled in._ _Living with his adoptive children showed me a whole new world - a culture shock of epic proportions for someone who had never seen another child, let alone lived with seven._

_Reginald’s fourth son, his fifth adopted child, Number Five Hargreeves taught me nearly everything about what it meant to be human. Hell - he was the first person to tell me I was human. He taught me what it meant to care for another, declaring himself my very first friend soon after my arrival at the mansion. Five guided me through the beginning of my new life, showing me that I had a place with him and his siblings as something more than a training dummy. He showed me what it meant to be part of a family, leading by example with the undying devotion that came with being someone that mattered to him._

_In every sense, he taught me how to love._

_When he left home all those years ago, he took a part of me with him - as cliche as that sounds. In the aftermath, I was numb with grief. I was left incomplete, lost in the pain of a foreign brokenness. With Ben's death following so soon after the loss of the love of my life, it was as if the hands of Fate dragged me over the edge of a cliff my life had been too dark to see before. Rather than drowning in uncharted waters, I took what little I had and stayed afloat with the family I had left. A family who had chosen me, as much as I had chosen them in our escape._ _I realized that I could exist beyond the ornate walls that caged me in, as long as I had them._

_Going against every design, I choose a life that allowed me to be kind._

_It made all the difference.)_

Reading this book was just complicating things even more. It grated against Hazel’s nerves, made his hackles rise and his back teeth grind down. The more he read, the more his doubts took root - wild fantasies of a different life taking on a life of their own that refused to be snuffed out. He’d been _fine_ in the beginning, taking mental notes on the life of The Umbrella Academy - a firm handle on his idle thoughts.

Then he’d reached _her_ chapters. Birdie seemed like an overly delicate name for the vicious thing that had almost taken his head off, but he was quickly learning that there was more to her than that. Her little letter at the end of the section outlining her life was ringing eerily in his mind.

She had chosen a new life, one that was more than what she was born for. Number Five was fighting for his place in that life, one he'd apparently lost through no choice of his own. It was all too... _inspiring_.

It left Hazel with too many questions and just as many doubts.

He needed answers and he knew just where he needed them from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the chapter!
> 
> Let me know what you thought, I love hearing from y'all! Also feel free to reach out on Tumblr, where I will be uploading other content related to this story and the TUA fandom.
> 
> Notice: Midterms are hitting me hard, so the next chapter may take a little longer to upload, but I will try to have it up as soon as I can!
> 
> [Next Chapter: Five gets cranky without his wife, Birdie finally wakes up, tensions rise and the plot progresses.]


	14. When Air Is Running Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five deals with his siblings, Birdie wakes up, and Things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So, this took some major turns! Brace yourselves!
> 
> I want to thank my new beta, @laneygthememequeen, for all the help she gave me this chapter! You're amazing, Lane!
> 
> [Warning: This Chapter is definitely rated E.]
> 
> Enjoy!

As much as Five had missed his family, there was no denying that they had only grown more difficult to deal with when he’d been gone. Small talk had died as everyone settled down to eat, the night finally catching up with each of them. They’d moved to the living room after eating in relative silence and each was eager to finally get to bed. Five understood that they were all tired, had been tempted to let them all go to bed and stay up to keep watch himself. But he could recognize the exhaustion lingering behind his eyes. He couldn’t leave a gap in their defences if he fell asleep on the job. Someone needed to be scheduled to wake up. 

To the surprise of no one, the conversation quickly took a turn. They were all too on edge after the end of the day. A simple question of who would take over watch from him had dissolved into a debate he had no patience for. He should have taken a page from Birdie’s book. She would have laid out a plan disguised as gentle suggestions and no one would have questioned it. They would have set alarms and been done with it. 

Watching his siblings bicker about who needed the most sleep was making his hackles raise and his tongue grow sharp. A part of him could recognize that he wasn’t helping things, but it was easy to ignore as his family fought over something so trivial. Then they actually had the audacity to suggest waking Birdie.

“She’s been asleep since we got here, it’s only fair.”

“You wake up my wife and you’ll get a chopstick in the eye.”

“Well, what exactly do you suggest, boy-genius?”

“I am 58, pea-brain! I asked for a volunteer, so if you assholes could decide who wakes up in three hours-”

“We’re all exhausted, how are we supposed to decide who goes first?”

It wasn’t even an unreasonable question. Any other day, it probably would have passed him by as utterly meaningless. But Five had been up for two days straight with a thirty minute nap and he was so tired. Between one blink to the next, he was no longer standing in a crowded living room with his family. 

_It was so_ **_cold_** _. The night air carried the current of the coming winter and he was still too far from a suitable shelter. He’d been peddling for the past two weeks trying to reach one of his more permanent set-ups, with short breaks curled up on any flat surface he could find - exposed to the increasingly harsh elements. All of his clothes thicker than paper were on his back, but the chill still slipped in - cutting to his core and making his joints ache. His breath was visible with every pant, but he couldn’t stop yet._

_Stopping would mean curling up on the unforgiving ground and letting nature come for him._

_If he could just hold out a little longer, he could make it back to his camp by midday tomorrow. That meant that he’d be able to sleep with actual_ **_blankets_** _, if he could just go a little farther - if he just did a little more._

_His fingers and toes had lost feeling some time ago but he could work through it, the peddling would keep his blood pumping - would hold off the worst of it._

_He couldn’t stop._

_He couldn’t rest._

_He couldn’t die._

_Not now._

_Not here._

_Not alone._

-

_Her skin was stuck to frosted metal._

_She couldn’t move as the chill pricked at her bare skin._

_Blinding light seared into her retinas, as silhouettes came in and out of focus above her. There was a steady beeping, underscored by the sound of someone breathing. Was that her? She shouldn’t be awake for this. They always put her to sleep for this, didn’t like how she’d squirm away from the shiny tools in their hands._

_The light began to fade, her eyes finding a familiar grate on a concrete ceiling as the silhouettes melted into one. The glint of light catching glass flickered ominously above her. The beeping had faded into a ringing silence, only broken by the faint scratch of paper and the clink of metal. The sound of something slick coming loose was paired with a blistering pain roaring through her chest. Had her sternum been open this whole time? What could he be taking now?_

_His hand shifted into view, the shadow of whatever was in his hands coming into view. It seemed to move, to breath in staccato, keeping beat._

_What had he taken?_

_WHAT HAD HE TAKEN?_

**_WHAT HAD HE TAKEN?_ **

The sound that ripped from Birdie’s throat upon waking sounded more like a wounded animal than a person. It was high and raw, scraping at her dry throat like she was coughing up sand. Blinking her eyes rapidly, she vaguely registered the slowly turning ceiling fan that seemed suddenly out of place. Where was she? The surface beneath her was too plush, the light was simultaneously too low and too bright. The air wasn’t cold or stale, so where was she?

Where was Five?

Shooting up from where she was laying, she frantically looked around the room. Her bedroom came into view, doing nothing to soothe her as she threw herself onto unsteady feet. Hadn’t Five finally come home? Where was he? The idea that she’d simply been dreaming, again, reached her - taking root in her heart, her feet stumbling to her door. It was slightly ajar, something that sent anxious ripples of pinpricks across her skin. 

Nerves on a razor’s edge, Birdie stood in her doorway for a moment where she could hear the bickering of her siblings. She couldn’t hear Five. Pressing her palm to the medallion around her neck, her heart beating against platinum - she felt something scrap against the skin of her chest. Looking down, her eye’s caught on the platinum wrapped around her finger - gems gleaming under the fairy lights. Five was here. He had to be. Where was her husband?

Her legs took her toward the sound of her family without any real thought. Birdie finds them all in the living room, having a conversation she can’t follow as she scans the room. Relief crashes into her like a wave, nearly sending her crashing to her knees, when her eyes catch on a familiar figure standing off to the side of the room. 

“Five?”

His head whips around at the sound of her voice. His eyes are too wide, showing the whites around his irises. His shoulders are tense, heaving with his uneven breathing. His jaw is clenched tight, thrown into stark contrast in the low light. Birdie doesn’t hesitate to make her way over to him, hands reaching as she draws closer. She is just short of placing her hand on his chest when Five sways back - flinching away from her touch. Hurt lances through her, tearing open a foreign path. Shrinking away, she draws her hands back toward herself - balling them into tight fists at her sides. Her jaw drops, her face a picture of confusion as Five blinks at her. Her eyes burn nearly as much as the pain in her chest and Five simply keeps _blinking at her_. Her foot shifts back, ready to run back to the safety of her bedroom when suddenly Five lurches forward. His movements are tense, forced in their halted pace. His hand is shaking when it reaches for her, hovering over her cheek like he can’t bring himself to close the distance.

“Birdie?”

The sound of his voice tears at her, she’d never heard him so _small_ \- not even on those nights they held each other under her old bed sheets, licking their wounds after training. Letting her head fall into his open palm slowly, she lets him get used to the feel of her. His fingers twitch, curling into the curve of her jaw. There was a tension in the touch, one that had never been there before. It was stilted, not at all the natural way they fell into each other. 

Five’s eyes lose some of the wildness, roving over her face as his other hand finds her waist. She lets herself be drawn into his chest, never pushing, only letting her arms reach for him when she was pressed to him. Vaguely, she was aware that their family had fallen silent as they watched from their positions around the living room. But she only had eyes for Five, who’s hold was growing tighter with every second like she’d slip away any moment. 

Birdie holds him back just as tightly, digging her fingertips into his shoulder blades as she tucks her face into his neck. His hand slides into her hair, gripping the back of her head lightly as his other arm crushes her into him. 

They stand there for a long moment, lost to anything but each other. 

Slowly, Birdie draws back. She catches Five’s gaze, never letting it go as she starts walking them backwards. He’s slow to move, but he follows with halting steps. Eventually, they reach their bedroom door which Birdie shuts firmly behind her. Nothing is said, but it becomes easier to breathe as she leads him to the bed. Sitting next to him but initiating no more contact then holding his hand while he gets his breathing under control. 

Words start tripping off her tongue, nonsense spoken in a low voice meant to soothe. Birdie rambles about everything she can see in the room, explains where she got their furniture, telling him what she was willing to move to make space for him. The fog clears slowly from his eyes and he pulls her to him again. Kneeling on the bed, she wraps herself around him. With her mouth pressed to his ear, she murmurs about alternative clothing storage.

“Baby, I just don’t know where to put it all. That closet just isn’t big enough for the two of us.”

That draws a choked laugh from him, which dispels the last of the tension in the air. Pressing her lips to his temple, she nuzzles her nose into his hair - only to pull away with a scrunched face.

“We need a shower, like yesterday.”

She doesn’t wait for an answer, moving to pull them both up and toward the small ensuite. Flicking on the light, she pulls on the lapels of Five’s jacket as he swings the door shut behind him. Gently, she works it down his arms, letting him pull her sweater over her head before she reaches for his tie. Working it open, she sets to work on his button up - grumbling that they’ll need to get him clothes that are easier to get off. He smiles at her fondly when she gives a small squeak of victory as his shirt falls open. Five lets her pull off his undershirt before he pushes the straps of her slip over her shoulders. It pools around her ankles and she kicks it away, reaching to undo his belt deftly as his hands slide up her back to undo the clasp of her bra. 

The tension from before is back with a vengeance as Birdie pulls away to start the shower. Hands land on her hips, Five stepping up behind her as he works her panties down her legs. She steps out of them and into shower stall - letting the water drench her hair as she turns to face her husband. He holds her eye as he drops his boxers, stepping into the shower with her. Birdie is the first to break, her eyes dipping down to take in all of him. 

Heat spreads through her slowly, licking at her insides as Five invades her space. Reaching for a wash cloth, she forces herself to focus on the task at hand. Grabbing the soap, she starts to meticulously scrub Five down - working slowly from his chest to his arms. His head falls forward as she works circles into his skin, stepping around to get his back. He turns his back to the water and she lets herself fall slowly to her knees to wash his legs. Five’s gaze drills into the top of her head, eye hooded as Birdie does her best to stay on task.

It’s nearly impossible to find the will to get up again, but she does - though not without dropping a kiss just below his belly button that makes his breath hitch. Reaching for the shampoo, she works it into a lather before working it into Five’s hair. Scratching her nails across his scalp, she thumbs at his temples as his eyes flutter shut and he leans into her touch. 

Rinsing the suds from his hair, she’s almost back on her knees before Five stops her. He reaches for the wash cloth and her breathing gets heavier. Turning her around, Five steps up behind her again - wrapping his arms around her to scrub at her skin with the now soapy rag. He works slower than her, following the rag with his other hand in small strokes. 

She can feel him pressed against the small of her back, burning like brand as he skates his hands over every inch of her. The rag falls to the floor when he’s done, hands staying on her as they pull her under the stream of water with him. He spins her to face him, reaching for the shampoo as her arms wind around him to drag her nails lightly over his back. Lathered hands work into the roots of her hair in firm strokes and Birdie’s eyes roll back as her jaw drops, her lips slightly parted as her breath comes in pants. When he reaches the back of her head, his fingers catch in the mass of her hair and _tug_. Leaning her head back into his hands, a small whine escapes her throat. 

The tension breaks, Five crashing his lips into hers as he crowds her against the tiled wall. His tongue is in her mouth in a flash and it muffles her moans as Five steps between her parted legs. Hands hoist her up, wrapping her legs around his waist before he reaches beneath them to line himself up. The feel of him sinking into her has her back arching off the wall, head thrown back with an almost wounded gasp. He groans low in his throat, forehead resting on her chin as he takes a minute to bask in the feel of her heat around him. Hands sank into his hair, pulling him back as her lips catch his again in frantic kisses.

“Missed you so much, baby. _So much_ \- been so long, _Five_.”

“You wait for me, Birdie?”

He knew it was selfish - but he was a flawed man and he’d kill anyone who’d touched her while he was away. Something primal in him settles - almost purring in satisfaction - when he’s met with wild nods and more desperate kisses that trailed down his jaw. He flexes his hips, dragging a whimper out of Birdie - who leans back to brace herself against the wall, hand reaching to grasp the top of the shower stall. He can’t fully thrust into her from this angle, but he rolls his body up into her anyway. Both of them are panting, Birdie’s little noises filling the shower stall as Five works up a steady rhythm. 

Her hand starts to slip, lowering her enough to have Five sinking in to the hilt and ripping a small cry of relief from her. Five crowds her closer to the wall, keeping his thrusts short but _deep,_ as his teeth worried the skin of her neck. The feel of her shifting against him is too much and his mouth runs away from him.

“Missed you too, sweetheart. Thought about you every day. Missed the feel of you, the taste, _the sound_.”

She’s gasping so hard it may as well be sobbing, clinging to his shoulders with her free arm.

“Almost forgot just how _good_ you are. So perfect, Birdie, you have no idea.”

His hips move against her desperately, getting harder and harder with every shift. Her free hand tangles in his hair, bracing her elbow against his shoulder as her hips started rolling down onto him.

“ _Fuck!_ Such a good girl, Birdie. Just like that.”

The whine that comes out of her is high and needy as tension builds in the pit of her stomach, growing tighter with every word. 

“You still my good girl, Birdie?”

Her hips twitch wildly as Five plants his hands on them, trapping them against the wall as he moved in and out of her. 

“Oh God, _Yes!”_

Their breathing was nothing but panting, grunts coming out of Five to mingle with Birdie’s moans.

“All mine?”

The edge was right there, she could taste it.

“All yours!”

It was right there, she just needed a little more.

“Say my name.”

It was basically instinct to come when he said _those_ words. That first time had made it basically a hair trigger and relief tinged euphoria flooded through her, carrying her under its heavy current as his name wrenched itself from her gasping throat.

“ _Five_.”

He came with a low shout, his eyes rolling back with the force of it as he buried himself as deep as he could in his wife. They sagged against the wall, water now lukewarm as it caught the side of them. Their breathing slowly evens out as Birdie’s legs fall to the floor. Her wobbly knees have her giggling into Five’s neck, who was running his hands along her back.

“I still have shampoo in my hair and I can’t feel my legs.”

Looking especially smug, Five helps her finish rinsing off before shutting off the water. Stepping out to grab a towel, he drys them off before leading them back to h-Their bedroom. It was theirs. He needed to remember that. Grabbing fresh underwear as Birdie slips into one of his spare shirts, they crawl into bed.

Settling against each other, they were asleep in seconds.

-

“Klaus! We need to go back, we’re supposed to keep watch!”

“Calm yourself, Benji! We’ll be gone not twenty minutes, no one will notice we’re gone! Especially not the _newlyweds_.”

As much as Ben loved his family, he could do without the reminder of the sounds he’d heard before following Klaus out into the night.

“I just don’t see how this couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”

“Benny, I need to _sleep_ and the house is _dry._ ” 

With an unnecessary sigh, Ben follows his brother as he walks down the street - both of them unaware of the car watching Klaus talk to the air from the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I keep accidentally writing smut scenes?
> 
> Anyway, what did y'all think? Let me know in the comments!
> 
> Thanks again to @laneygthememequeen for all your help on this chapter! If anyone else would be interested in helping, we are looking for at least one other Beta, so please reach out on Tumblr. You can find me as @youfuckinfudgenutter, but you can also just reach out for no other reason than to talk or ask questions!
> 
> Thanks for reading! xoxo
> 
> [Next Chapter: Birdie wakes up first, Hazel finally does something, and the plot picks up!]


	15. Are You Happy, Are You Satisfied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birdie wakes up, goes out, and comes Home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like 5K of dialogue, but I hope you like it!
> 
> Thanks again to laneygthememequeen for all her help!
> 
> [The only thing to look out for is a shit-ton of cursing. My bad.]

Early morning sunlight cascaded through the gap in the curtains, dust dancing like glitter in the air when the light caught it just right. It was almost beautiful enough for Birdie to not mind that the sunbeam had caught her directly in the eyes, drawing her abruptly out of the first dreamless sleep she’d had in a long time. A smile grows on her face at the feel of an arm tightening around her briefly, the familiar shape of her husband pressed against her back. In the last thirteen years, waking up with Five was something she had missed the most. 

Rolling over carefully, Birdie found herself looking at the sleeping face of her oldest friend. With the tip of her finger, she gently drags it down the side of his face. Temple to chin, giggling at the way his nose twitched at the sensation. His eyelids flutter briefly when she catches his bottom lip softly with the edge of her nail. 

“Birdie?”

Catching his mouth in a fleeting kiss that was little more than a graze of her lips, she shushes him quietly. 

“I’m gonna get up. Sleep, I’ll come get you when breakfast is ready.”

Mumbles that should be words fill the room as she extracts herself from bed slowly, but Five settles back into bed - dragging her pillow into his chest. Quickly closing the curtains, she finds clean panties and a pair of shorts thrown over the back of her armchair before going into the bathroom to get ready for the day. She’s as quiet as a mouse going through her morning routine, her steps light as a feather as she makes her way back through the bedroom - throwing a fond look to Five’s messy bedhead peeking above the edge of the comforter before shutting the door. 

Making her way to the kitchen, her steps stay light as she realizes she’s the first one up. Careful not to make too much noise, she starts gathering what she needs to make enough food for nine people. Pulling nearly everything from the fridge, she begins raiding the cabinets. Lining up the spices she needs, she plugs in the coffee maker before grabbing the coffee can. Which feels lighter than air. Popping the cap, she’s met with the truly depressing sight of an empty can with a pitiful sprinkling of grounds. 

Frown creasing her forehead, she starts to place the perishables back. Leaving the butter by the fridge to soften, she scribbles a note on the little white board stuck to the fridge door. 

_Went to the bodega for coffee, be right back -B_

Making her way to the door, she swipes her bat from beside the couch and her keys from the bowl on the end table. Finding only her going out shoes piled by the door, she grumbles before slipping on the metallic gold pair with a sensible block heel. Snatching the nearest coat off the rack, she finally makes her way out of the apartment. 

Slipping Klaus’ patch work coat over her pajamas, she starts the trek down the staircase - ever grateful that the little ache in the balls of her feet faded as soon as it came. Searching the pockets for cash turns up lint, gum, and a baggy of pre-rolled blunts. Mumbling to herself, she doesn’t notice the figure following her halfway down the block. Pulling a twenty triumphantly from her brother’s inner pocket, she nearly skips the rest of the way to the store. 

-

Stepping out of the bodega, she calls a goodbye to the clerk before taking off down the street - coffee can tucked under her arm. Strides long, she whistles a little tune as she twirls her bat idly. Turning the corner, hands grab her and before she can do anything - a needle slips into her neck and everything goes dark. 

-

Feeling her head fall back, neck straining under the weight, she startles awake. Her entire body freezes as she registers the familiar sensation of restraints around her wrists and ankles. It takes a second to realize she strapped into a chair, hands bound behind her with each ankle tied to wooden legs. The air is stale with the smell of dust and ammonia, sour in her nose as her head falls forward. 

“Son of a bitch, what’s that smell?”

“Sorry, the Four Seasons was all booked up.”

Finally opening her eyes, she met with the barrel of a gun. Blinking owlishly at the sight, she follows the arm to the face - which is covered by a familiar teddy bear helmet.

“Oh, you again.”

“Are you Birdie?”

“Why the fuck do you wanna know?”

Blue - _Hazel_ \- reaches into his jacket, pulling out a familiar paperback with a white umbrella on the cover.

“Did you write this?”

“Well my name’s not Vanya, so what do you think?”

“Parts of this, it’s you right - the one who heals?”

“We went twelve rounds and I’m still standing, you do the math. How's that shoulder by the way?” 

“Hurts like a bitch, thanks for that.”

“You’re very welcome, Hazel.” 

His grip on the gun tightens, freezing in place.

“How do you know that name?”

“Five told me ‘the big one with the bear head’ was Hazel. Unless they’re renting those things out to every giant at the Commission, I’m assuming that’s you?”

“Number Five told you that?”

“Yup! When I told him all about how you stormed _our house!”_

“Well, it’s not like we did that much damage.”

“You shattered my spine, you rat bastard!”

“And you caved in the front of my mask five seconds later!”

“Still fucking _hurt_ , asshole!”

“So you still feel pain, even with the healing?”

She forces herself to breathe, aware that this could take a very typical turn - acutely aware of the gun still pointed at her.

“What’s with the twenty questions? I don’t really do meet and greets, but I suppose gunpoint is one way to go about it.”

Hazel seems to realize that he still has a gun on her, which he seems strangely sheepish about as he tucks it into his waistband.

“Sorry about that, habit.”

The paperback is back in his hands, as he rifles through the pages like he’s looking for something. Birdie lets herself relax slightly, watching as he fumbles with the book. 

“In Chapter 8 : _Becoming Birdie_ \- you wrote -”

“Hold up, you really want to talk about the book?”

Tilting her head thoughtfully, she takes in the way his shoulders tense and his stance shifts when he nods.

“Well alright - but you’re gonna have to look me in the eye if you want me to take you seriously. The teddy bear thing is really throwing me off.” 

For a moment, she stares dead into the eyes of his mask - unflinching as he no doubt stares back at her. Slowly, his hand reached back behind his head. She fights a flinch as the helmet deflates like a tire with a sharp puff of air. When met with the face under the mask, she stares down brown eyes instead. 

“I’m Birdie. Nice to meet you.”

“Hazel. Pleasure’s all mine. Can I ask you some questions about your book now?”

“It’s my sister-in-law’s, but knock yourself out.”

-

Five had forgotten just what it felt like to be well rested. Laying in bed, he thought back to the last time he’d slept so soundly for so long. It had to have been before that fateful jump, also after a night spent with Birdie probably. Forty five years was a long time to be tired. Rolling out of bed, he stretches until he feels the tension in his spine give way with a pop. Grabbing the duffle with his clothes in it, he makes his way into the bathroom to get dressed for the day. A small smile forms on his face when he finds the spare toothbrush waiting for him on the sink.

When he’s done getting ready, he makes his way back into the bedroom to put his shoes on. Tie draped loosely around his neck, he goes off in search of his wife. A quick look in the kitchen turns up nothing, so he goes to look everywhere else. 

He appears in his sister’s room with a flash of blue, frowning when he only finds Vanya and Allison still asleep. Popping out of existence, he reappears in Klaus’ room to find only Luther. Mind now on full alert, Five throws the door open - uncaring as it bounces loudly off the wall as he calls out for his wife. His siblings wake up as he starts throwing open every door as his voice increases in volume. By the time he’s in the living room again to double check the kitchen, everyone is up and trying to get Five to calm down. 

Ignoring them all, he makes his way back into the kitchen - eyes catching on a familiar scrawl. Reading the note, his heart finally starts to slow - only for his gaze to land on a puddle of melted butter on the counter. His worst fear now confirmed, he starts raiding the kitchen for anything that could be used as a weapon. He’s pocketing a wooden spoon while he sideeyes a whisk, when his family finally has enough. 

“Five! What the _fuck_ are you doing? What was all the screaming?”

“Birdie’s missing.”

Everyone freezes at that, falling silent as Five feels the weight of a melon baller in his hand. 

“How do you know that? She left a note-”

“Butter’s melted.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

He turns his narrowed gaze on his family finally, jaw tense as his patience thins.

“ _The. Butter. Melted._ ”

Met with blank looks of confusion, his eye twitches as his hand lashes out to swipe through the puddle on the counter. Waving his greasy hand at them, his patience snaps.

“Birdie left the butter out expecting to be right back! It’s **melted** , you idiots! Something must have happened!”

Diego is the only one it seems to click for, eyes going wide before he promptly returns to his ‘room’ to arm himself.

“Five’s right. Something stopped Birdie from coming home. Nothing good could have happened.”

Eudora nods along as she steps behind the curtain to change, unease settling in the pit of her gut. The rest have yet to see the immediate connection, but the frantic pace of the three have all of them on edge. Klaus suddenly startles, waving wildly about the living room. 

“She took her keys, her walking heels, and MY coat, the well-dressed thief! Benny, go forth and search for my signature couture!”

Hissing at the no-doubt snippy reply from their deceased brother, Klaus turns to room at large.

“Ben is on the lookout! But we know where to start looking! To arms, people! Shoes, coats, and out the door! Let’s go!”

-

“And now I barely have health coverage! I bust my ass seven days a week and I can’t even get my shoulder looked at!”

“That’s rough, buddy. My whole deal means I don’t really need health insurance, which is good cause I’m not _legally_ a person - but Reggie used to run us ragged sixteen hours a day and scheduled our spare time.”

Hazel nods his head, feeling kinship in their shared lack of autonomy.

“That sounds like a rough deal, even for kids like you. What was it like getting out?”

Ah, yet another poorly disguised question with implications that Birdie hadn’t quite unraveled yet.

“It was harder than I thought, doing it without Five like I always planned. Mom helped and my siblings deciding to come with me made it easier.”

“Was your Mom seriously a robot?”

“Yeah, that took me a while to wrap my head around too. Her artificial intelligence is very lifelike though.”

“And the monkey butler?”

“Pogo’s a chimpanzee, actually.”

“My bad.”

She finds herself giving him a smile at that, touched at the genuinely apologetic look Hazel gave her.

“I’m sure you know where I’m coming from though. Winding up at the Commission was probably wild.”

“Not really. Management kinda just plucked me out of the timeline, put me to work. It was pretty wild in the beginning - all non-stop travel to all the most exotic places with Chach. Ever since the budget cuts things have really gone to shit though. It’s all moldy hotel rooms and shitty benefits. You know I don’t get vacation days anymore? They say we travel enough, what do we need down time for?”

“How does that make you feel, Haz?”

“Unappreciated, Birdie. Unappreciated.”

\- 

“Listen here, asshole. If you don’t tell me which way my wife went, I’m gonna pop those useless things you call eyes out of your skull!”

“Come on, man! I don’t know! Birdie left when I was going into the back! If I knew anything else I’d tell you, I swear!”

Watching his snarling brother shake down the clerk with a melon baller, Klaus worried at his thumb nail with his teeth as he bounced anxiously on the balls of his feet. He couldn’t keep still, eyes flitting about looking for a flash of platinum or Ben’s jacket. His beloved brother was making the rounds, asking anyone of the ghostly persuasion if they’d seen anything. Ben was just so much better than him at dealing with _them_ , even after all these years. 

Klaus had worked hard to cope without diving too deep into his indulgences, but there was only so much one could do with all the wailing! Ben helped, having picked up Birdie’s habit of running the worst ones off when they got too close. 

Now, Klaus was forcing himself to come down, letting the weed from last night die off completely and not just because Birdie had most of his stash in his coat. No matter how far he went, he always seemed to see Ben - Birdie too the few times that she’d shown up all intangible when he was out of it. But he refused to run the chance that today would be the first time Birdie couldn’t reach him. Nothing could keep his favorite sister-in-law down for good, but he needed to be on his A-game to know when exactly she crossed over. 

The first sign of a too familiar tug deep in his chest and he’d be summoning her spirit with no hesitation. It had worked with Ben, it should work with Birdie. At least, he hoped so.

“Klaus! I asked Sugar -” 

“Is that the lady of the night with the unfortunate bruising around her neck?”

“Yeah, I asked her if she’d seen Birdie -”

“How does she know who -?”

Ben cuts him off, patience running thin at his brother’s interruptions.

“She knows what our sisters look like - I asked her if she’d seen the one wearing your coat -”

“A truly noticeable piece-” 

“Klaus! Focus!”

“Right! You were saying, Benny?”

“She said some big guy was waiting on her corner this morning watching the store - he took off when Birdie came out of the store. He followed her down the block.”

Dread flooded Klaus in a bone deep chill, but he forced it aside - years of practice coming in handy. Birdie was unbreakable and he was trying his best - everything would be okay. 

“You know you’re lucky you’re already dead, Benji. Now, how to tell little Number Five without him killing me or Philip?”

“The clerk’s name is Peter.”

“That really doesn’t help me, brother dearest.”

Diego is prying a belligerent Five off the clerk, who was near tears as he repeatedly reassured them that he knew nothing. Bouncing frantically on the balls of his feet, he works up the nerve to tell his two most stab-happy siblings the news. Steeling himself, he waits for them to join him at the door.

“So! Ben has something to share with the class!”

They both freeze, eyes immediately scanning the area like they’ll somehow see their brother. Klaus waves pointedly to his right to let them know where to look before continuing.

“Apparently, the dead hooker Benny _somehow_ knows saw someone following Birdie on her way home. Big guy - didn’t you fight a guy about Luther’s size last night, Di?”

“Not me, but Birdie did though - I tossed her a knife when he came at her again before he took off.”

Five has gone stock still, face carefully blank as he registers the information. So - it seemed Hazel had taken his wife. Mind working at the speed of light on the best course of action, he nods absently to Klaus and the space Ben occupied. 

“Good job, you two. This ghost - she see anything else?”

Seeing the look in his brother’s eye, so determined to chase Birdie to the ends of the earth, had Klaus cementing his own resolve. This was family after all. 

“Let’s go ask, shall we?”

\- 

“I’m telling you, Hazel! Self care is important! Life’s a bitch who doesn’t treat you right, you have to treat _yourself_ right! Your happiness matters, even if other people don’t make it a priority!”

“My happiness _does_ matter! So what if I like to eat good food? It’s not like I haven’t earned it!”

“Exactly! My family and I used to break out of the mansion at night to run around the city, even if the old bastard would have killed us if he caught us. Literally in my case, probably.”

“What would you even do?”

The question throws Birdie for several reasons. It’s one of those loaded ones, that mean more than she can see at the moment - but it reminds her so much of herself she can’t breathe for a second before she shakes it off. 

“We’d just relax - run around acting like mindless kids for once. Sometimes we’d go to this park with swings and spend all night trying to go higher than everyone else.”

“That sounds...really nice, actually.”

“It was. Most of the time though, we went to this little donut shop that was open real late and just spent hours joking around while we took bets on who could eat the most donuts.”

Hazel’s brow furrows thoughtfully, before he shakes whatever was on his mind off. 

“I could go for some donuts right now. You hungry?”

“You know, I actually haven’t had breakfast yet, so a donut or a dozen sounds _amazing_.”

“I know a good place not too far from here.”

“Nice. So, you gonna untie me or am I gonna just wait here?”

Hazel blinks at her, having seemingly forgotten that she was a hostage he’d restrained. 

“Oh! Yeah, hold on a second.”

His hands are hesitant to tear at the duct tape, no doubt unused to undoing his own work. Birdie makes no sudden moves, aware that this is some sort of turning point even if she can’t completely understand it. She was starting to see the bigger picture though and it was enough to keep her where she was. Hazel seemed to relax when she didn’t immediately bolt. Stretching as she stood, she only worked her wrists and ankles in little circles as she waited for him to take the lead. 

Birdie follows him to a nondescript car painted a light blue. Walking over to the passenger side, she realizes that he’d probably taken her here in the thing. For the first time, she noticed that while all her clothes were in place, her bat was unaccounted for - as was her coffee. 

“Hey, do you have my bat? Also, what happened to my coffee?”

“The coffee spilled on the sidewalk - but your bat’s in the trunk, don’t worry.”

“Oh thanks, man. Would have been a bummer if I’d lost it.”

“It’s a good bat. So, do you eat normally or does your whole ‘situation’ mess with your metabolism?” 

“Oh, like you would not _believe!”_

-

Five seems to have dismissed anyone who is not Klaus or Ben as they follow the words of spirits to his wife. His hands are shaking harder as time keeps passing, with only the spare words of people he couldn’t even hear to go on. He’s aware that Klaus is pushing himself to do this - could see in his little flinches and twitches that he’d rather run far, far away. He doesn’t. His brother just keeps going, seemingly asking any ghost who will listen if they’ve seen anything. 

“A young lady about yay high? Gold shoes and a killer coat?”

“How about a big guy? Not quite as big as this gentleman here, but close - possibly wearing a disturbing teddy bear mask?”

“Big guy in a car you say? What did it look like - no, I can’t find your wife, I can’t do that with the living - what color was the car?”

“Yes, yes, I know dying is terribly tragic - have you seen a blue car drive passed here?”

“I’m sorry, sweetie, but I don’t know your daddy. Could you tell me if you’ve seen a very big man, though? Maybe he was in a blue car with a teddy mask? It’s very important.”

On and on they went, frantically following a weak trail until Klaus finds a little old lady who looks untouched by death - for a second he thinks she’s living but the way she smiles at Ben tells him differently.

“Excuse me, Ma’am. You wouldn’t happen to have seen a big man in a blue car, would you? Could have been wearing a strange helmet?”

“Oh yes, actually.”

Klaus literally jumps for joy, waving his arms urgently at his siblings and Eudora. 

“What was he doing? Where did he go? Did he happen to have anyone with him?”

“Well, a blue car pulled onto the street quite a while ago - Eugene was out feeding the birds. He put on this mask that seemed to puff up before he pulled a young lady - who had the most _darling_ shoes - from the back seat. I think I saw them go into that little house at the end of the block - it’s for sell you know-”

“He went into the house at the end of the block!”

As soon as the words leave his mouth, Five is popping out of existence and the rest of them are taking off down the street full tilt. Seven sets of shoes pound against the pavement as they race toward the house in question. Clamoring on the porch, they make way for Luther - who shoves the door in with a cascade of splinters. Their voices overlap as they call out into the house, desperately storming through every room as Five pops in and out of existence every couple of seconds. 

In the kitchen, they find a wooden chair with torn duct tape around the legs and pieces littering the floor. There is no other sign that anyone was once there - nothing left behind, no other furniture out of place, and no blood to be found. Nothing. Five can’t even bring himself to be grateful that the scene is so pristine because _his wife is still missing_. The thought that he could have just missed her has his sight going hazy with rage as he grips the back of the chair - sending it crashing into the wall with a guttural scream, the wood shattering on impact. 

“SHIT!”

-

“No fucking way! My family used to come here all the time!”

Hazel had pulled up to Griddy’s while Birdie was telling him all about where she’d gotten her bat. When she realized where exactly they’d gone, she was pleasantly surprised.

“How’d you find this place?”

“Cha Cha and I came here looking for Five.”

“After that whole thing with those agents? That makes sense, glad to see it up and running so soon.”

“You know about that whole mess?”

“Oh totally, I was here - Five wanted to go for coffee.”

They’re making their way inside, Hazel holding the door politely as Birdie nods her thanks as she goes to take a seat at the counter. He takes the seat next to her, brow furrowed as he processes what she just said.

“Were you two on a _date_ when that went down?”

Birdie hums at him as she nods absently, contemplating the menu before turning back to him.

“You know he proposed right before they showed up? Typical.”

The look on Hazel’s face is hilariously shocked, jaw on the floor as his eyebrows reach for his hairline. 

“He did _not_.”

“Did _so!_ See!”

Waving her left hand in his still shocked face, the light catches the stones on her ring finger beautifully.

“You’re engaged to _Number Five?”_

“Married, actually.”

“ _What the fuck?_ ”

“I know right?”

-

Calming Five down to a reasonable level is nearly impossible, but eventually they manage to talk him back from the blind rage he’d flown into. It’s Vanya who gets it done, pointing out that they couldn’t get side tracked. The reminder did just enough to make Five realise that there was no time to lose focus. So they make their way back to the apartment, stopping in a different corner store for maps of the city. 

When they finally get home, they get to work turning the dining room into an effective war room - maps spread over the table as they plan a search party.

-

The lady working the counter finally comes over to serve them, all eyes on Hazel so she doesn’t even register the young lady from the night before sitting beside him. Hazel returns every shy glance, cheeks flushed with a smile. Eyes going back and forth as her new friend flirted while talking about _donuts_ of all things, a cheshire grin curled at the corners of her lips. When the older women served her coffee with barely a glance her way before she went into the back, Birdie was quick to strike. 

“So - _the waitress_ , huh?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, please! You were looking at her like you wanted to have her little donut-making babies!”

“Would you shut up?”

“Come on, she was totally making eyes at you too!”

Hazel seemed to be drawn up short at that, eyes straying to where Agnus had disappeared.

“You think so?”

“If there is _one_ thing I know, it’s what it looks like to be in love.”

“I don’t know about all that, I barely know Agnus.”

“Oh, got on a first name basis did you? Why not get her number while you’re at it?”

Hazel hems and haws at her, but she doesn’t let it go as they dig into the plate of donuts between them. Birdie keeps insisting that it would all work out, while he held on to his doubts - though that seems incredibly difficult to do when faced with Birdie’s optimism. 

“Go for it, Haz! You’re an assassin - there’s _no way_ you’ll miss if you shoot your shot!”

“You think you’re hilarious, don’t you?”

“I know I’m hilarious, now square up! Here she comes!”

Angus comes up to them, finally noticing the young girl beside Hazel. She doesn’t recognise her dressed so differently and with no makeup, but something about her seems vaguely familiar. Her eyes catch on Birdie’s ring, sparkling where her hands are wrapped around her mug. 

“That’s a beautiful ring.”

“Oh! Thank you - I’ll be sure to tell my husband. He picked it out all on his own, you know?”

The waitress relaxes at the subtle mention that her husband is _not_ present, before she turns to give Hazel a sweet smile. 

“Can I get you anything else?”

Hazel seems to choke on his words, false starts coming from his throat before he coughed into his fist roughly. 

“I’m all set, I think. You want anything else, Birdie?”

“Your name’s Birdie? How pretty!”

“Thank you! Could I get a large coffee to go and three dozen donuts? Variety, please?”

“Sure thing! Be right back.”

As they’re left alone again, Birdie bumps her shoulder into his companionably when his head falls in his hands. 

“Next time, man. You’ll get her next time.”

“The world’s ending, when do you think next time is gonna be exactly?”

“Who says the world’s ending?”

“ _The Commission_ , Birdie.”

“Let me rephrase - who says _I’m_ letting the world end?”

They sat in silence after that, both lost in their own thoughts as they waited for the check. Which never came, Agnus waving their protests off when she came to give Birdie her order. With a kind smile, she laughed them off before going to help someone else. The odd pair gather their things, heading back to the car in contemplative silence. Standing beside it, they face each other solemnly. 

“I should really get home before my husband decides to burn the city down.”

“Well, I won’t stop you. Thanks for answering my questions, it’s made things - clear.”

“So, where are you heading, Hazel?”

“Where is there to go, Birdie?”

“World’s a big place - time’s even bigger.”

“What exactly are you proposing?”

“A future.”

For a moment, neither of them make a move. Then, Hazel steps over to the passenger side - holding the door open for her. 

“I’m listening.”

-

Five could only keep his rage tamed for so long before it started to boil over. He’d stabbed a knife into the table when the search parameters didn’t narrow to his satisfaction. His voice was hoarse from yelling as his siblings tried and failed to come up with helpful solutions. 

In the back of his mind, he knew that they were trying - it was just that none of their suggestions would get him his wife back **now**. When Klaus mentions that as soon as Birdie dies for a minute he’ll know where she is, Five can’t help himself from flinging the first thing he sees into a wall. 

The lamp shatters against the bookcase by the front door - just as it opens.

“Five, what the fuck! You’re so cleaning that up!”

There’s his wife, standing in perfect health in the doorway - boxes in hand. The room falls silent at the sight of her, Five materializing in front of her - arms held out as he checked her over for signs of old injury. 

“ _Where have you been?_ ”

“Sorry I was gone so long, sweetie. Kinda got kidnapped for a second, coffee?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are finally happening! (other than angsty smut)
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! xoxo
> 
> [Next Chapter: Birdie explains herself, the Family reacts, and Peabody is NOT forgotten.]


	16. Who You Thought You'd Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birdie tells her story, Peabody meets the family, and Hazel makes his choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm aware that this chapter took way longer than normal and for that I'm sorry. 
> 
> But - taking that time made for a chapter that I'm very happy with!
> 
> Casual Reminders: I don't own TUA, just Birdie. Also, this IS an AU - and we diverged from canon several chapters ago.
> 
> Thanks again to @laneyg_thememequeen for being so supportive and such a big help! Love you!
> 
> I won't keep you any longer! Enjoy!

Previously: 

There’s his wife, standing in perfect health by the doorway - boxes in hand. The room falls silent at the sight of her, Five materializing in front of her - arms held out as he checked her over for signs of old injury. 

“ _Where have you been?_ ”

“Sorry I was gone so long, sweetie. Kinda got kidnapped for a second, coffee?”

Now: 

Five stares at the coffee cup, unable to process that last statement even as his hand numbly takes the offering. Birdie moves past him with a quick kiss to his cheek, kicking off her shoes as she makes her way into the living room to drop the boxes on the coffee table. She moves about the apartment, indifferent to the way her family was staring as she hung up her borrowed coat and stashed her bat by the door. Catching Five’s sleeve, she pulls him along to sit in one of the armchairs together. He lets it happen, content to reassure himself with her pressed against him as he drank his much needed coffee at the moment. Turning to the family, she gestures to the room nonchalantly. 

“Well, come on! Take a seat! Story time.” 

No one moves, simply standing there staring in slack jawed shock as Birdie made herself comfortable like they all hadn't just scoured the city for her. Klaus is the first to move, leaping over the back of the couch - landing feet first into the cushion before dropping to sit with his legs crossed.

"I think I speak for _everyone_ when I say - explain yourself, young lady! We've been worried sick!" 

"Sorry about that. You know Hazel?"

Five's free arm finds its way around her waist, hand gripping hard at his shirt that she's still wearing. 

"What did he do to you?"

"Donuts?"

" _Birdie._ "

"Alright! So, _apparently_ Hazel's a big fan of the family. At least, he's real into Five and the book we wrote."

"If you could actually explain yourself, that would be great."

"If you could hold your horses for a damn minute, _that would be great_."

Birdie makes her way through what happened that morning, squirming in Five's lap when his hold grows too tight and pinches at his side when he interrupts with snarky comments. By the time she gets to the part where she's turned hazel into something of an inside man, the others have dug into the donuts - fully engrossed in the tale. 

"You expect me to believe you turned a Commission agent over donuts?" 

" _Obviously not_ , I'm saying I turned him based on shared experience and common interest - the donuts were an apology for the kidnapping, I think." 

"Oh, you think?" 

"Considering you _weren't there_ , I'd appreciate you dropping the skepticism." 

"Well, what do you expect me to think?" 

"I don't _expect_ anything - I'd hope that you had enough faith in me to take my word and trust my judgement -" 

"You don't know these people like I do." 

"I never said I did, but I know what it's like to want out of a situation that you never thought there was a way out of and I know Hazel well enough -" 

"You spent a morning as his hostage!" 

"It was a very informative morning!" 

The back and forth carries on as their family watches like it's a volleyball match, eyes darting between both halves of the couple. They murmur amongst themselves, passing donuts and coffee that Eudora had brewed when Birdie was talking about Hazel's fascination with the Family Book. It's Birdie who calls the cease fire, pointing out that there's nothing to be done about the issue now. Either Hazel has turned and will do what he can to their advantage or he hasn't and they're right back where they started. There was nothing to do but wait to see what the man did next.

The issue settles like a weight across their shoulders, but they force themselves to look past it as they move along with the impromptu family meeting. The others finally speak louder than a whisper as they try to find a starting place in averting the end of the world. Which is more difficult than they realize. Five's main lead had turned into a dead end, the assassins after them were now compromised, and the source of Armageddon was still unknown. Conversation dwindles as Five retreats into himself, mind turning as he tries to come up with their next step. Allison breaks the anxious silence that had blanketed the room, mind focusing on what could be addressed immediately.

"Well, what are we doing about Vanya?" 

"Good point, Ally. Eudora, do you think you could get me the address for a Leonard Peabody?" 

"Depends - what's it for?" 

"We just need to have a talk with him about _boundaries_."

-

Sitting on a bed that smelled of cigarettes and moth balls, Hazel thinks about his morning. It was enlightening, to say the least. Watching Cha Cha clean her gun in quick efficient movements, he felt the weight of his own in his hands. It seemed heavier than normal, carrying the weight of a decision that would shape his entire future. However long that may be. 

He's broken from his thoughts at the sound of Cha Cha loading the magazine back into the well with a click that rings in his ears. Chach seems to be bursting with energy, at least in her own way. It makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, taking in the way she rose from her seat with a purpose. 

"You ready for this, Hazel?" 

"Ready for what, exactly?" 

"Our next move, dumbass. Time to hunt down Number Five - no retreating this time either."

-

Eudora was surprisingly quick to find everything she could on Peabody. Or rather _Harold Jenkins._ Vanya had given the detective the name of a woodworking shop, which Patch had found under a completely different name - she'd found nothing under the name Leonard Peabody except an article in a paper. Rage boiled in Five’s veins, festering deep inside him as he thought about the fact that 'Leonard Peabody' had sought his sister out with some unknown intention that warranted a fake name. 

The four of them circled the house they'd been led to, finding that no one was home. Five and Birdie disappeared, opening the front door from the inside to let Luther and Diego into the house. They shut the door, locking it before they wordlessly fan out to search the interior for any signs of life. Five and Birdie head upstairs as the boys clear the bottom floor. Finding nothing, they start ripping the place apart. Sweeping books from shelves, overturning furniture, pulling drawers out of their sockets to send them crashing to the ground. Their fury builds steadily as they find nothing of significance. 

They can hear the boys doing the same downstairs, muffled glass breaking and wood smashing. The couple finishes clearing the top floor, shaking with aggression as their chests heave. Kicking at debris, they move back toward the stairs to call down when Birdie's eyes catch on the ceiling. Grabbing Five's shoulder, she points to the opening above the stairs. Five doesn't hesitate, jumping them into the room they knew was above them.

-

Vanya was feeling particularly content at the moment. Despite the extremely stressful morning that had rushed her out of her home before she'd so much as taken her medication. It had taken some serious convincing, but Vanya had talked her family into letting her go to rehearsal that afternoon. With the stipulation that she remain accompanied at all times, something she took no issue with in all honesty. It made a warmth settle in her chest, that her family would act so protective - making her safety a priority even at the end of the world. 

Excitement dances down her spine as she tunes her violin, eyes glancing at Klaus and Allison sitting in the front row of the auditorium. They're whispering to themselves, smiling at her as they shift in their seats. Allison sends her a thumbs up as the conductor raises their arms - the orchestra moving into position. 

Taking a deep breath, Vanya focuses her gaze on the sheet music in front of her. As her bow drags against the strings, vibrations travel through her fingertips - her eyes falling shut. It's like the music is moving through her, resonating in her heart and back out again. She drifts along, lost in the sound as the crescendo builds. The way the conductor's eyes find her go unnoticed, the way that the rest of the orchestra begins to follow her lead indiscernible to the untrained ear. 

The music fades from one song to the next and Vanya continues playing seamlessly, eyes shut the entire time. When the session comes to a close, it's like waking up from a deep sleep. She comes out of her trance slowly, blinking as she moves to stow her violin back in its case. White pupils fade unseen as she bends to shut the clasps. 

Klaus and Allison jump from their seats, unabashedly clapping their hands together as her brother lets out a low whistle. Her head snaps up, taking in the way her siblings are bouncing in place, faces beaming with pride. Her own pulls into a larger than normal grin, warmth in her chest swelling till her lungs are tight. People who have never spoken to her before come up to her as she gathers her things, complimenting her playing before moving on. Her smile grows bashful as she thanks each of them before making her way off stage to her family. 

Her siblings rush to meet her in the aisle, talking over each other in their excitement to tell her how amazing she sounded. Klaus takes her case, winding his arm with hers as Allison does the same on her other side. They make their way outside, talking about going to lunch to celebrate Vanya's fantastic performance. The conversation turns into her siblings trying to help Vanya pick a place to eat. They become so lost in figuring out her cravings that they fail to notice the man making his way over until a voice calls out from much too close. 

"Vanya! Hey, small world!"

-

"What the fuck kind of Fatal Attraction shit is this?" 

It's the only thing Birdie can think to say as she took in the shrine. Her family's faces, plastered all across the walls - eyes gashed out. The Umbrella Academy memorabilia filled the entire room, most of it very obviously vandalized in a disturbing fashion. Her and Five move very carefully through the room, taking in the sheer magnitude of the situation. Birdie moves to find the latch, opening up the entrance to send the ladder down. 

"Boys! You're gonna want to see this!"

Picking up an Umbrella Academy lunchbox, she pops it open to find news clippings. Shuffling through them, she finds nothing but articles mentioning the Academy.

"Did I ever tell you that your cartoon self is adorable?"

"Birdie, I am a trained assassin the likes of which the world has never seen - _I am not adorable._ "

"Yes, you are. _Especially_ when you get all indignant like that."

Five's comeback dies on his tongue as his hand lands on smooth leather. Pulling a thick journal from its hiding place, his eyes catch on familiar gold lettering.

-

Vanya's good mood withers as she stands behind Klaus and Allison. She doesn't want to be here, would give anything to have the ground open and swallow her whole if it meant she wouldn't have to be standing on the street while Leonard tries to get her attention. 

He had disregarded her siblings all together, not acknowledging them until they had very pointedly closed ranks around their little sister. It would never matter that they were all technically the same age. Vanya was the kindest of them - the softest, the one who cried when they stepped on ants - the one who needed the most protecting. She'd always be the little sister. A part of her loved it - loved the way her siblings wouldn't hesitate to threaten a man's life for her, how serious they were when they said it.

Like now, with her brother and sister giving Leonard too big grins as they not so kindly told him to back off. The man doesn't budge, growing defensive as he continues to speak to Vanya over her family. Trying to get her to acknowledge him, which she refuses to do. Birdie had been very clear. _Do not engage. Let the others handle it, what matters is that you stay safe._ Even as she does exactly that, Peabody grows frustrated with the cold shoulder. 

Eventually he turns his attention to the others, who are still blocking him. Vanya isn't paying much attention, trying to keep herself calm as she waits for her family to handle the situation. She just wants to go home, order take out and curl up on the couch - _where it's safe_. Voices raise around her, grating against her nerves. They swell up, drowning everything else out as they become clear as crystal in her ears. The wind has picked up around them, swaying the trees lining the street. 

"Who are you to tell her who she can talk to?"

"We're her family - so I suggest you walk away before this gets ugly."

"Well, you don't really look like family, do you?"

The comment sparks a flame, the condescension fans it into a raging fire as anger flares up in her. It's overwhelming in its intensity, she's never felt like this in her life - not even when she was writing her book. It pales in comparison to now - _as a stranger tells her family they don't belong together._

A loud creak cuts through the air, which is still whipping by them - swaying the lampposts while the trees shake. Allison takes it all in, alarm bells ringing as Klaus moves to wrap his arms around Vanya. She turns to Leonard, who's watching with a strange sense of wonder on his face that makes Allison sick to her stomach. Knowing she needs to get her family home as soon as possible, she clears her throat before stepping into the stalker's space. 

" **I heard a rumor that you stopped bothering my family.** "

-

"I'm telling you, we can't just go in guns blazing on this one! Are you forgetting what happened last time?"

"Would you quit whining? We were caught off guard - this time we know what we're dealing with."

"Do we, Cha Cha? You didn't fight the big guy and the little girl. I'm telling you if we go in now, the same thing's gonna happen all over again."

"Why - cause the big guy hit you too hard and the girl shanked you?"

"No - because this time, Number Five _will_ be there. Do you really think we could take all of them _and_ him?" 

That actually brings Cha Cha up short as she realizes that Hazel has a point. They had barely gotten out last time and that was with Number Five missing in action. If he was actually there? There's no saying how it would all shake out. 

"Alright, so what's your plan?"

Hazel's reply is cut off by a familiar whoosh and the clang of metal. Reaching into the bedside table, he pulls out a dull gold tube. It opens with a small release of air and he dumps the slip of paper into his plan before unraveling it. 

"Who the fuck is Harold Jenkins?"

-

They read the journal. At least, Five reads it. He tells Birdie the gist as the others listen in. Vanya has powers. Little Vanya - who Reginald had always chided for being ordinary, like it was a curse - had powers just like the rest of them. 

Luther sits in mostly stunned silence, trying to wrap his head around the lie their father had forced them to live. He fumbles through rationalizations that Birdie is quick to shatter. There is no excuse. The rest of them had training for their powers. They were all dangerous and volatile when they were younger in their own ways. _Reginald bit off more than he could chew and hid it from the world._ It was a jarring thought, but it refused to leave him alone once she'd said it. So, he sat down and thought about everything - like he promised he would. 

Diego flies into a rage that reminds Birdie of when they were young and fresh from the Academy. He goes back to ripping the house apart, unchecked aggression fueling his rampage at a man who'd never have to face what he'd done. The thought of his little sister being twisted around, drugged into submission, brainwashed into thinking she was out of place in the family. It all made his vision black out as his knives cut into furniture and his hands tore anything he could reach to pieces before he finally collapsed to lay on the ground by Luther. 

Birdie and Five had fallen into an eerie calm, sitting on the stairs in wait for the man who'd targeted their sister. They don’t speak, Birdie simply sits as Five reads through the book - seeing where foreign handwriting contrasts with the Old Man's. Someone had been making new notes. 

The sound of a key in the lock echos through the house, all of them standing in an instant. They all approach the door, waiting for it to open. When it does, a painfully plain looking man steps over the threshold. Luther grabs him before he can notice them. Huge arms lifting him clean off the ground, locking around the man in an iron grip - giant hand grasping the lower half of the man's face to muffle his cry of shock. 

"Hello, Leonard. Or do you prefer Harold?"

-

Diego finds a chair that is mostly intact and they tie Harold to it with rope from the attic. They shove an Umbrella Academy t-shirt in his mouth as a makeshift gag and huddle around him to discuss their next move. 

"I say we just off the bastard and be done with it."

"Diego, we can't just kill the man -"

"Luther, he is stalking our sister and has a serial killer shrine in his attic."

"I know that, but we still can't just kill him outright."

"He has a point, better to question the creeper first - kill him later if we have to."

"Birdie -"

"She's right, we need to know more before we kill him."

Luther turns that over, before the thought settles in his head. It wasn't as if they'd never killed before. They killed bad guys all the time when they were younger. How was this any different? 

"Okay."

Jenkins lets out a pitiful whimper as they reach a consensus. Diego takes knives from his vest, handing them out like party favors. He hesitates before offering one to Luther, who awkwardly declines the offer with a smile. With a shrug, he turns back to the task at hand. Five reaches forward, pulling the t-shirt free - only to immediately be met with a scream. Before anyone can do anything, Birdie’s backhanding him hard enough to split his lip and snap his head back. 

“This can either be quick and painless or drawn out so long you won’t even know when you’ve died. You pick.”

“First question - where’d you find the book?”

He looks at Five with wide eyes as he registers the leather bound journal Five’s still holding. His mouth works soundlessly, eyes going rounder in fear. 

“Cat got your tongue? My husband asked you a question.”

She taps the flat of the blade against the back of his hand lightly, waiting for an answer. When she gets none, Five sends her a look that has her sinking the knife just beneath his wrist - pinning it to the armrest in a flash. Luther flinches bodily at the sound it makes, but says nothing to the contrary. Diego notes the way his brother’s face has gone pale, acting on impulse before he can question it. 

“Luther and I are gonna step onto the porch, act as look out while you two get to work.”

Birdie sends them a quick nod, flashing Luther an understanding smile before she moves to stand beside Five again. The pair walk off quietly to stand guard, while Five focuses on the matter at hand. 

“Next question - why were you so interested in Vanya?”

“For some reason, I doubt it was because you wanted to take her out to dinner.”

“Are you just going to keep making faces or are you actually gonna use your words?”

“Babe, I think he’s just gonna keep making faces.”

Five lets out a put upon sign, hand striking fast to drive his own knife into the side of Harold’s knee - lodging it under his kneecap. Flicking the handle so it joustles against bone, he straightens up.

“I don’t think this is gonna work.”

“I know, we’re running out of knives and he hasn’t said anything. How important do you think he is?”

Birdie crouches in front of their captive, grabbing his chin roughly to look him in the eye. Something tickles at the back of her mind, a thought trying to form as she takes in the perfectly average face in front of her. 

“Well, I can always use my hands. Anything to say before this goes any further?”

Nothing but whimpers escape him, eyes darting around frantically. Five disappears to find anything sharp enough to work and when he gets back Birdie is wiping blood off her knuckles and Harold’s wheezing. 

“Don’t break him too much, we still need him to talk.”

“Not my fault he’s so delicate, if anything he’s making more noise than before.”

“How exactly are we supposed to question him when he’s got a chest full of fractured ribs?”

“You’re the trained assassin, you tell me!”

“Oh so now you want to trust my judgement?”

“When have I not trusted your judgement? You’re the one questioning me!”

“Well, who goes to breakfast with an assassin?”

“The same type of person who marries one!”

They bicker back and forth, taking breaks to ask questions that get no answers. It fuels their frustration and before they know what’s happening they’re screaming at one another.

“I was worried sick, do you realize I was looking for you?” _I was scared they’d gotten to you and they had._

“Well, it’s not like I made plans to get kidnapped! I was just using the situation to our advantage!” _I didn’t mean for this to happen, I was just trying to help._

“While I was ripping the city apart, having a heart attack!” _I couldn’t find you, it was like the end of the world all over again._

“That could just be _the old age_ catching up with you!” _Don’t blame me for doing what I had to._

“That’s _hilarious_ . With age comes experience, the risk you took was reckless -” _I could have lost you -_

“The risk I took was _calculated_ . Do not use your age as a reason for knowing better than me in a situation you weren’t a part of.” _I did what was best for the family._

“You went to _breakfast_ with a man who snatched you off the street.” _You were playing with fire._

“And I _married_ you, stop acting so surprised with my decisions.” _I know how to avoid the burns._

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” 

“It _means_ I know what it looks like when someone’s getting ready to run away.” 

The silence that falls between them is suffocating with the weight of words unsaid. They ring clear though, each of them aware that Birdie’s referring to Five’s disappearance as much as she’s talking about her own escape. An escape that he was supposed to be there for. One he simply couldn’t wait for. 

Harold is something of an afterthought, still strapped to the chair with various instruments now sticking out of his body. The damage is inflicted with absentminded precision, each wound made in a spot meant not only to maximize pain but prolong it. He still hasn’t said anything, the interrogation abandoned when they realized his silence wouldn’t be broken. Their argument had gotten away from them and now they had to deal with the aftermath as well as Jenkins. 

“You know I never meant to run from you, don't you?”

“I know. Doesn’t change the past though.”

“No. I suppose it doesn’t.”

Birdie wraps a bloody hand around Five’s, squeezing it gently as his brow furrows. 

“We’ve moved on. You’re back now. I’m sorry you were so worried, but you have to realize you aren’t the only one who grew up.”

Five says nothing, simply pulls her forward to plant a kiss on her lips before pulling away. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls the glass eye out. The couple considers it, each lost in thoughts of how to move forward. Birdie glances at their hostage briefly - before doing a double take. 

“Five.”

Her husband hums absently at her, still lost in thought. 

“Five, look at him.”

He finally looks up, taking in the damage they’d done together over the course of the last hour.

“What about him?”

“ _Look_ at him. _His eyes._ ”

Squinting, Five leans into the man’s space trying to see beyond the swelling taking shape. It takes a moment before it clicks, his hand shooting up to hold the glass eye beside Harold’s real one. They’re identical, which shifts everything in Five’s mind drastically. His thumb digs into Jenkin’s right eye, only to feel the soft give of muscle. 

“He hasn’t gotten the eye yet.”

“If we take care of this now, he never gets the eye in the first place.”

“That would create a paradox, Birdie.”

“What - rewriting the future isn’t bad enough? Wasn’t this always the plan?”

Five nods absently, taking the knife from Harold’s wrist - severing his jugular in a swift slash of metal. A weight lifts from his shoulders as the eye slips from his grasp, his heel crushing it to dust. Neither of them are able to move or say a word before Diego is bursting into the house. He’s followed by Luther, both of them doing a double take at the state of the corpse in the chair. Quick to shake it off, Diego strides forward to grab his knives still in the body. 

“We gotta go, a _blue car_ just turned onto the street.”

In a rapid series of flashes, Five has them all back in the car they drove there. Luther and Diego are groaning in the back seat, while Birdie reaches into the glove box where Eudora keeps an emergency handgun stashed. 

“I thought you didn’t like guns.”

“It’s not mine and Eudora is _very_ enthusiastic about teaching gun safety.”

“I thought you made 'friends' with Hazel?”

“Friends can be fake and I’m not a fan of the company he keeps.”

Five puts the car in drive, speeding down the street. They pass the blue car on the street, Birdie’s eyes meeting the hollow sockets in a dingy pink mask. She lowers the window, hanging her upper body out of it to see the way the other car continues before abruptly making a U-turn. 

Taking aim, she opens fire on the other vehicle's front tires. Cha Cha returns fire from her window, but Hazel’s hands stay firmly at 10 and 2. Five swerves the car to avoid popping a tire, Hazel stays true enough for her bullet to find his front left tire. They swerve violently off the road into a ditch, while Birdie falls back into her seat. 

Blood is dripping down her cheek as she spits a stray bullet onto the floor of the car while tucking the gun back where it belongs. 

“Well?”

“Hazel’s definitely on our side.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof okay, so a lot happened here. I certainly have made some choices.
> 
> Let me know what you thought in the comments or leave some kudos! Both works too, to each their own.
> 
> If you'd like you can reach out on Tumblr, you can find me @youfuckinfudgenutter and I'm more than happy to talk! That's how I met @laneyg_thememequeen and look at us now!
> 
> Thanks for reading! xoxo
> 
> [Next Chapter: Yet Another Family Meeting, Realizations are Had, and Confrontations are Abundant.]


	17. Any Way The Wind Blows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five deals with not knowing what to do with his life now, Vanya learns some truths about herself, and Birdie has a terrible time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is just - A LOT.
> 
> Apologies in advance, this is a bit of a rough ride. 
> 
> Have fun! (Be sure to read the end notes!)
> 
> [WARNINGS: This chapter deals with some serious traumas, depicts a mildly graphic scene, and ends with one that got really graphic. It's not terribly out of place with what I've written before, but fair warning.]

They ride home in silence. 

Five is driving in a daze while Birdie watches him from the passenger seat, Diego and Luther sitting in the back still shaking off the feeling of teleporting so abruptly. When Five parks on the street in front of their apartment building, Birdie signals Diego with a pointed wave of her hand. He gets Luther out of the car, neither of them saying anything as they leave the couple to go upstairs. 

Five's hands are white knuckled on the steering wheel, his breaths deep and controlled even as he stares ahead without seeming to register anything. She doesn't move to break the silence, simply waiting for her husband to take the lead. He does after they sit there for several long moments, speaking in stilted words. 

"I have been - waiting for this. For over 40 years."

Birdie says nothing, content to sit as he gathers himself.

"Decades. I've been hunting the man with the eye - _the man who ends the world_ \- and it's just _that guy?_ Some psycho obsessed with us?"

Five falls back into his seat, letting his head turn to his wife - who's in the same position, eyes finding his instantly. 

"I've spent most of my life waiting for this moment and it's just - _over_." 

The words hang in the air, a tone of finality ringing out as Five comes to terms with the day. The sun was setting, the last of the sunlight fading slowly, and everything was catching up with them. The panic of the morning and the unforeseen turn of the afternoon was taking its toll, especially on Five. She said nothing still, moving to take his hand across the console. There was nothing to say at the moment, not until he had processed everything. So, she sat with him - stroking the back of his hand with her thumb in soothing circles as he lost himself in her eyes. 

"What now?"

It was the first _real_ question he'd asked, voice shaky and unsure. Taking a deep breath, she considered her next words carefully. Bringing his hand up to her lips, she brushes the tiniest of kisses across his knuckles. 

"Now? We go upstairs, to our family, and deal with whatever comes next." 

It's like the world rights itself, as Five finally made his way out of the daze that came with this particular weight finally being lifted from his shoulders. Like coming down to earth, hand in hand with his wife. Leaning forward, he catches her bottom lip in a gentle kiss before pulling away completely - moving to open the door. 

"Let's go tell our sister her whole life's a lie."

"Well, when you say it like _that_."

-

Stepping into the apartment, they're met by a surprising wall of noise. Five finds himself standing in the doorway, Birdie moving absently through the living room to drop kisses on Klaus and Vanya's heads. His siblings are sprawled on the couch with Allison, talking over each other and the sound of music coming from the record player. Diego's complaining about the choice of song loudly from behind his curtain, while Luther sits criss crossed on the ground flipping through the record collection. Allison's waving little pamphlets around, trying to get everyone's opinion on dinner. Before he can think much about anything, he teleports over to the armchair he was sitting in earlier. Popping into existence in the middle of the domestic scene, he tries to settle - crossing his leg over his knee. His wife bounces back over, scratching at the blood drying on her jaw. 

"I'm a mess, honey. I need _another_ shower, so help the girls pick a place to eat - V will know what to get me."

She drops a kiss to her husband's cheek, catching the corner of his mouth briefly, before practically skipping to their room. Klaus calls out after her, cracking some joke about being 'one of the girls' that Five doesn't hear because Allison is up, handing him menus talking a mile a minute. She's chattering at him, making his brow furrow as he looks up at her. 

Allison was always a bit chatty, not nearly as much as Klaus, but more so than the others. He remembers sitting in on conversations between her and Birdie, remembers the way that they'd use more words than necessary to say what they meant while simultaneously talking in a code it took him _years_ to crack. Very rarely was it turned on him though, his sister often talking to him through his wife when she didn't feel up to dealing with his brand of humor. But now she's talking to him specifically, meeting his gaze head on and placing subtle emphasis on certain words in a way that reminds him so much of their childhood. It's been so long that it takes him several long moments to put the pieces together, something he’ll never admit to aloud. 

Allison's telling him about their day with _Vanya_ , which was very _stressful_ and led to them holding up in the apartment to _wait for them_ before getting dinner. Their day with _Vanya_ , where something _bad_ happened, and they settled in to _wait for them_. 

Something bad happened and they needed them there to deal with it. 

It couldn't have been Jenkins. They wouldn't be so casual if it was, and even if it was - the man was dead. There was little else to be done, at least on Five's part. So it must be something else. Something having to do with Vanya, which may or may not have happened in response to Harold Jenkins. 

"The _wind_ was _completely out of control_ today, I thought _a storm_ was coming in." 

It's said with all the skill of the actress she is, weight added in all the right places and yet said as casually as any other comment on the weather. But this isn't Hollywood, they're among family and the gravity of the remark doesn't go completely unnoticed. Vanya falls silent as Klaus lets out a nervous laugh while trying to redirect the conversation back to food. 

Five absently casts a vote for the menu in his hand, some falafel place, face going carefully blank as he contemplates how to move forward. He can still hear the sound of running water muffled through the walls. As tempting as it is to teleport into the bathroom with his wife, he forces himself to deal with what happened today. It seemed the others knew something about Vanya - not nearly as much as he did, but with the journal fresh in his mind it was hardly complicated to connect the dots. 

Vanya must not have taken the pills Reginald wrote about and her powers made an appearance, probably in response to the stress from the day she'd had. There was no telling how abruptly stopping the drugs would affect her state of mind, which apparently had a heavy influence on her abilities. Five's mind was turning over the information, trying to work out the best course of action - when his littlest sister threw a spanner in the works. 

"It was me, wasn't it."

Vanya's voice is stronger than Five has ever heard it, catching him off guard as she rises from her spot on the couch. Everyone turns to her in shock, all of them too surprised to say anything. Whatever fears were building in her mind seem to solidify, false as they are, as betrayal paints itself plainly across their sister's face. They scramble for anything to say, desperate to comfort her. Allison is quick to jump from her seat, followed closely by Klaus. 

"We don't know -"

"Like _hell_ you don't!" 

Fury flashes across the smaller woman's face, unfamiliar and volatile as her sister flinches away from her. Five steps in as Allison falls back, hands raised placatingly. 

"Vanya, calm down - we can explain."

" _Please!_ By all means _explain_ how you all _know_ about what's going on and _I don't!"_

Everything seems to be shaking minutely, vibrating as the air becomes so charged it raises the hair on the backs of their necks.

"We didn't know anything before today, Vanya. You need to _breathe_ , I'll show you what we found - what Dad was hiding from _us_."

Placing the blame where it rightfully belongs seems to bring her out of it slightly. Five waits for the shaking to ease before stepping back, absently registering that the shower is the only thing that can be heard now that the needle on the record player has jumped out of place. 

"I'll be right back, okay? I just need to get something from the car, something we found earlier today."

He waits until his sister gives him a slight nod before popping out of existence. It takes him less than ten seconds to be right back where he was standing before, red leather journal in hand. Vanya's eye catches on the too familiar gold embossed initials on the cover. Slowly, Five holds the book out like an olive branch. She takes it just as tentatively, letting it fall open in her hands as she turns away from her siblings. 

The tension is so thick, it seems to choke them as they wait anxiously for their little sister to react. For several long moments, she simply flips through the pages. Vanya's vision seems to be coming in and out of focus as she reads about what her father did to her. Her gaze catches on what appear to be key phrases, underlined in Reginald’s handwriting, telling her all about the parts of her that were buried beneath the pills. 

_Her emotions were a trigger._

_Her potential was too dangerous to prove beneficial._

_Training was wasted on Number Seven._

_Number Three proved beneficial in erasing Number Seven's knowledge of her abilities_. 

That last phrase makes her vision go hazier as hurt tore through her before quickly morphing into a visceral rage that overtook her completely. Tears streaming freely down her face, she turned to her sister as the still air in the apartment began to move around them.

"You knew?"

"I didn't know, I just -"

" _Don't_ _lie! You knew!_ It says so right here!"

Allison is the picture of confusion as Five remembers exactly what the book said about Number Three. Before he could step in, Vanya's shoving the journal into Allison's hands - demanding that she read it for herself. Brows furrowed, Allison takes it in shaking hands and scans the page. It's obvious when she finds what Vanya's talking about, her eyes going unfocused as she stares out into the middle distance - lost in the memory of a quiet dark room. Her face crumples, tears making their way down her face as she tries to get words past trembling lips. 

"Vanya, I swear -"

"Don't deny it again!"

"I didn't remember! We were so little -" 

"So, that makes it okay?"

"No! But training was so different than -" 

_"You rumored me!"_

_"Dad made me!_ I didn't _want_ to, I never _wanted_ to! He would make me do it over and over to strangers, it all just _blurred_ together-"

"You made me forget _parts of myself-_ "

"I thought it was a _nightmare!_ When he took me into that room - he told us all you were sick - I thought I was dreaming when he made me say the words."

"What did you say."

"Vanya -"

 _"What did you say, Number Three."_

Allison flinches away at the sound of her old number, sobs hitching as she braced herself for what came next. 

"He m-made me rumor you - so you'd think you're ordinary."

Everything is rattling hard enough to clatter loudly, a symphony of clashes as Vanya pales at her sister's admission. The boys are all spread out across the living room, on the outskirts of the confrontation - unsure how to help as their sisters cry and scream.

 _"That_ was the rumor? Do you realize what that _did_ to me?"

"I didn't _want_ to do it! Dad made me say those _exact_ words."

"You could have said _anything_ else - why did it have to be _ordinary?"_

No one had registered the sound of the shower shutting off, but there was no ignoring the sound of doors slamming open as Birdie came running out - in nothing but a white slip dress, medallion dangling from her left hand where the platinum chain was tangled around her fingers. She doesn't hesitate, stepping between the other two women as her hair drips water down her back. Vanya wastes no time redirecting her attention at the newest arrival.

"Did you know about this too? About my _powers_ and Three?"

"Calm down, Van. Just tell me what happened -"

"Did you know about what she _did_ to me?"

"Vanya, _breathe_. I read the journal when we found it, please -"

"So you _knew_. Did you know before? When we were kids and I was _crying_ on your shoulder about not being enough?"

"Van, you _know_ I didn't -"

"How do I _know_ that? How do I know _anything_ when my _whole life_ has been a _lie?_ "

"There is more to life than power, V."

"That's easy for you to say! What would have happened if I grew up with _mine_? _Who_ would I be if Three hadn't done what she did?"

" _Allison_ had as much say in that house as any of us did -"

"Don't defend her!"

Like a crescendo reaching its peak, the tension in the air reaches new heights - shaking everything in its place violently. Allison has her hands clasped over her mouth, sobs shaking her shoulders as she stands behind Birdie. 

"Vanya, _breathe_! You need to take a minute and think about this. We all did things in that house we regret - Allison is your sister and she _loves_ you -"

"Stop it!"

"She never _wanted_ to hurt you-"

" _Stop!_ "

"Van-"

" ** _I said stop!_** "

Vanya gives a frantic wave of her hands, sobs racking through her as she tries to get Birdie to _stop talking_ \- the sound of her voice booming in her mind. The wind picks up, like it was waiting on some unknown signal from the tiny brunet to lash out. It did just that, striking out wildly in a white flash that blinded them in its intensity - wind whistling loudly in their ears.

It sears through Birdie's heart so quickly, she barely has time to be surprised before she falls.

Everyone else is still blinking their eyes to regain their vision, when a shrill shriek echoes in the newfound silence. It takes a moment to realize the sound came from Vanya, who had crumpled to the ground. Right beside where Birdie was laying, red pooling beneath her. Five's ears are ringing so hard he doesn't hear the way Allison screams as he teleports to his wife - falling to his knees to gather her in his arms. 

Chaos breaks out around him as his shaking hands frantically pull her limp body into his lap. Her torso's a mess of red, caving into itself as his arm braces beneath her shoulders. Her head lulls back, eyes unseeing as he wraps his hand desperately around her throat - hoping against hope for the faintest of thuds. He's met with nothing beneath bloodied fingertips. Five registers nothing as his siblings scream around him. 

Vanya's apologies fall on deaf ears while Allison has gathered herself enough to step between their hysterical sister and the boys - trying to keep them from lashing out. Klaus presses the backs of his hands to his eyes hard enough to burst colors under his closed eyelids. Palms out, he bounces rapidly in place on the balls of his feet - habit keeping him from looking at the fallen form of his dearest friend.

There is so much happening all at once, that it takes him longer than usual to hear the sound of his name being called by two familiar voices behind him. Spinning on his heel blindly, he finally drops his hands to be met with the sight of his two favorite ghosts.

"Klaus, you have to calm everyone down-"

"Honey, tell Five _I'm here_ \- he's never seen this-"

"Okay! Okay! One at a time!"

The room fell deathly still at the sound of Klaus shouting at air, all eyes turning to where he stood with his back to them. Five actually manages to tear wide eyes from his wife's increasingly pale face to address his brother - _who communes with the dead._

"Is she here? Klaus, _where's my wife?"_

"She's right here! Birdie says you need to breathe! _Everybody!_ Deep breaths!"

Shivers break out over Klaus' skin as a tiny fist phases through his shoulder.

"Be _gentle_. He's never seen me die, you know how rough it is the first time."

"You're right, my apologies. Five! Birdie's asking that you please breath and try to remember that she'll be fine - this never sticks."

"It did _before_. In the apocalypse, _Birdie wasn't there."_

"Despite how this may feel at the moment, _this is not the end of the world_ \- she'll get back up."

Birdie's spirit disappears from view, presumably to go to her husband behind him. She falls to her knees beside him, willing her body to stitch itself back together. Sparing a glance to the others, she calls out to the two in the room that can hear her. 

"Benny, talk Klaus through calming the others down for me please."

"I've got it, B."

Sparing her brother a smile, she turns her attention back to her husband - who is sitting in a puddle of her blood, rocking her body back and forth. Ben walks over to his other brothers, disappointment plain on his face. 

"Klaus, tell _these two_ that they need to calm down. This was an accident, we know better than anyone what it's like to hurt Birdie when we don't want to."

"Benny says you two assholes need to get off your high horses. Birdie would never hold this against Vanny and you two don't get to judge her for _an accident."_

"Close enough."

"I mean he's not _wrong_."

"Not the _point_ , Birdie."

Crouching beside his sisters, who are huddled on the ground together as they cried - Ben couldn't help but be bitter that he couldn't hold them.

"Tell Vanya that it's gonna be okay. She didn't mean it and B knows that."

Klaus actually repeats him nearly word for word. 

"Also, tell her that nothing that went on in that house was because we wanted it. Reginald made us all - _do things_ \- that we regret."

"Benny says that Reginald was an _asshole_ , who made us all do things we didn't want to do."

" _Klaus_."

"What?"

"Ugh, just - let her know that Birdie's come back from way worse. Tell Allison that I know how she feels, but she can't blame herself for what Reginald made her do as a kid."

"Birdie's come back from worse from this, Vanny. It's all gonna be okay. Ally-cat, Benji says that he knows what you’re going through and that you can't take the blame that so obviously belongs to dear dead-daddy."

"I swear to _God_ , Klaus."

Birdie cuts in before they can bicker anymore, voice firm as her eyes track the way tears fall from her husband's lashes to land on her face. 

"So help you God, _focus up!_ Klaus have someone close my eyes and remind everyone - _again_ \- that I will be fine." 

"Alright, jeez! Death does _not_ become you. Birdie wants someone to close her eyes and for everyone to remember that she will be fine - she just needs a minute."

Five actually blinks at that, raising a trembling hand to drag her eyelids down before looking up at his brother - who is still facing away from them. 

"What did you mean, when you said Birdie's come back from worse?"

The silence that follows is heavy, everyone looking to Klaus for answers. Who holds his arms out, waiting for an answer to provide. Birdie turns away from her husband to look to her brother. 

"It's completely up to you, Benny."

"Just - tell them that B and I _trained_ together once."

Klaus does a double take at that, the implications not lost on him - which he was sure wouldn't be lost on his siblings.

"Oh _sure_. Just let _me_ drop that bomb on everyone."

"Klaus?"

"Ben - He says that he trained with Birdie. Once."

The statement rattles through the air, shaking them each to their core. No one spoke, afraid to give voice to what they all knew. Ben had been pitted against Birdie by Reginald. The only thing that could possibly mean - _the only way that Ben would know how Allison felt_ \- made them each sick to their stomachs, tears flowing anew. They all flinch when Luther breaks the silence, driving the point home.

“She said - when we were - Birdie said it took _hours_ to put herself back together - after Ben.”

_Birdie had met The Horror._

Reginald had thrown her to the beast in Ben's belly, forcing Ben to go along with it. No one doubted that it was by force, knowing their brother would never do something so terrible. 

_But she had gotten back up._

In a very twisted way, it actually settled them somewhat. They all descend into anxious silence, waiting for Birdie to put herself back together again. Five brushing his fingers through her hair, still rocking her gently as he took stock of the gaping wound in her chest. Blood has soaked completely through the front of his uniform, plastering it to his skin the same way it sticks her dress to hers.

Unseen, Birdie coos soothingly into his ear - watching her still form uneasily.

They wait for an hour, but nothing happens. 

Dread builds as her body doesn't give so much as a twitch. She's just laying there, bleeding out in her husband's arms - the flow slowly coming to a halt. Her family is gathered around her, even Klaus - who sits beside Five with his back turned toward her. Birdie paces frantically as they watch her body, tears still flowing quietly. A tiny whine breaks from her throat as she watches Five check her wound - _again_. Ben tries to get her to stop, but she brushes past him before throwing herself on the ground in front of Klaus.

"Klaus - _Klaus!_ Pay attention - I need you to get my body back to the mansion."

"I'm sorry - _exsqueeze me?"_

"The Mansion. I'm serious, don't freak out, okay? I need everyone here to _stay calm_ , do you understand me?"

"Birdie?"

Klaus’ voice is tiny and unsure, somehow echoing in the room despite the low volume.

"I'm not healing - at least not fast enough to _see it_ , okay - don't react! Don't - just get me back to the mansion and _everything_ will be alright, Klaus."

"How will that help you, Birdie?"

It does the job, catching everyone's attention as he fights to keep his voice from breaking - pressing his palms to his knees to hide how they're shaking. 

"Mom and Pogo will know what to do, even if Mom isn't back up - Pogo will know what to do."

"What're you talking about, B?"

"You think I just bounced back after our playdate, Benny?"

She refuses to elaborate, watching Klaus until he finally clears his throat to address the room at large. 

"Birdie says we need to take her to the Mansion."

-

It takes a minute for the direction to sink in, all of them too dazed to fully process what Birdie is apparently telling them to do. Slowly, they rise from their spots on the floor - legs fuzzy from sitting so long. Eventually, they're all standing - Five swaying with the weight of his wife resting in his arms. Luther barely takes half a step forward before Five is baring his teeth at him. With something like a growl, he pops out of existence. Birdie's spirit disappears with him, before she's back to tell Klaus that her husband's taken them to the van. 

They tumble down the stairs, running into the alley where the stolen van is still parked. The front of the car is empty, so Diego makes a mad dash for the driver's seat. Luther takes the passenger seat as the others pile into the back, where Five is already waiting - Birdie propped up in his lap, head resting on his shoulder. Klaus flinches at the sight, a whimper working it's way out of his throat when he sees his sister-in-law's spirit sitting next to her own body. 

Climbing in after the girls, he presses his knuckles to his eyes - letting his body fall over as the van lurched violently forward as it rocketed out of the alley. Diego doesn't slow down, weaving through cars wildly as he careened down the road. Everyone did their best to brace themselves, but it was of little use trying when Diego seemed intent on breaking every traffic law in the book. Five simply lets his body sway, arms locked around Birdie - face a mess of dried blood and tears, unaware his wife's ghost is by his side trying frantically to reassure him that everything will be fine even if he can't hear it.

Diego turns the corner to the mansion so hard, two of the wheels leave the ground before the whole van falls back into place. It swerves briefly before Diego gets it to straighten out, hitting the brake hard when they're in front of the porch gates. Throwing the van into park, they all quickly scramble out - Five teleporting away to just inside the foyer. The rest of the family crashes into the house, their own frantic cries for Pogo and Mom joining their brother's. 

The chimpanzee appears first, walking as quickly as he can with his cane. They barely have time to register that Mom is following him - looking more relaxed than they've ever seen her with her hair down.Their voices overlap, trying desperately to explain the situation - that Birdie isn't healing like she should be, _why isn't she healing like she should be?_ Five is shaking in place, panting as he fights to remain upright - but still finds the strength to raise his voice above the others.

"Birdie said to bring her _here_ \- that you'd know what to do. _What do we do?"_

Pogo's face becomes grim, taking in the sight of the limp body that belonged to his old ward. 

"You follow me. Grace - best to get Birdie's Room ready."

Mom smiles at them, but her brow is pinched as she starts to lead the way.

"Come along, children! Quickly!"

Mom's cheery voice does little to soothe their nerves as they're led downstairs. The deeper they go below the house, the more the unease builds. They reach a heavy metal door that has Vanya flinching even as she crosses the threshold. Inside, they find what looks like a sterile lab - motion lights flickering on as Mom walks about the room to what looks like a locked cabinet.

"Place Birdie down on the table for me, sweetie."

Five hesitates, taking in the large metal table with straps hanging off the sides. Reluctantly, he lowers his wife's body down - unaware that Birdie's whimpering at the very sight. As Pogo moves to strap her body down, movements methodical after a lifetime of practice, she turns to Klaus - who's struggling to keep his breathing under control.

"Klaus, you need to get everyone _out of here_ \- please, they don't need to see this." 

Klaus turns confused eyes on her spirit as other voices rise above hers. Five and Diego are demanding to know what Pogo is doing, while Luther is questioning Mom about what she's looking for. 

"What are you doing strapping my wife to the table?"

"Why do you need to do that?"

"Mom, _what's in the syringe?"_

Luther's voice booms above the rest, panic laces through his words as he moves to place himself between Birdie and the android. He felt sick, body shaking as he remembered the way this particular scene played out for him. Pogo moves to reassure him, voice soothing beneath the almost completely unheard shouts coming from Birdie. 

"You needn't worry, Master Luther. This is nothing like what your father used in your case - this was made with Mistress Birdie in mind."

" _Move_ , Luther! Klaus, get everyone _out!_ **Please!** " 

"What do you mean _made_ for her?"

"Master Hargreeves spent an extensive amount of time - tailoring - this particular compound after Mistress Birdie arrived at the Mansion."

Diego backs away from the table at that, face paling with realization.

"Her training - when she first came - it was down here, wasn't it? It wasn't _training_ , the Old Man was down here - _experimenting_."

 _"GET OUT!_ **_PLEASE!_** _"_

Birdie's spirit would have collapsed if it weren't for Ben keeping her up, arms locked around her as she sobbed. The sound of her begging was proving too much for Klaus, who abruptly hunched over - fists pressed to his temples as he tried desperately to get it together. He was trying - _truly_ _trying_ \- but all he could feel was the overwhelming need for _someone else_ to handle this. Eyes shut tight, he doesn't see the way his hands begin to glow as they shake. Nor does he see the way his siblings flicker the same eerie blue - before they take on a steady glow. 

All at once, everyone can see the ghost of Ben holding a hysterical Birdie - hearing every word passing her lips. 

_"Get them out -_ **_please!_ ** _They don't need to_ **_see_ ** _this!_ **_Go_ ** _\- leave!"_

They're all too stunned to say anything, each of them rooted in place.

 _"Take them with you!_ **_Leave_** _! I don't want you to see -"_

Whatever she was about to say gets cut short in a choked off gasp. 

Mom is standing above her body, hand in her chest, injecting the syringe to what remains of her heart. Eyes wide, they watch as Birdie's spirit flickers out - her body awash with light on the table before it fizzles out. Ben goes too as Klaus collapses to his knees, exhausted and alarmed at the most recent development. 

They watch Birdie with bated breath, anxiety spiking in the few seconds nothing happens. Relief floods them at the tiny slick crackling sound that could be heard in the otherwise dead silence. It's short lived however, as Birdie's chest expands suddenly - giving a loud echoing snap as she takes a wheezing gasp.

Birdie's eyes snap open on the table, guttural scream ripping from her throat. 

Her gaze finds a familiar grate on the ceiling as she arches against her bonds, cries of pain ringing in her ears at the acid washing through her veins. She can feel her cells splitting, her blood flowing anew from the gap in her sternum. A high pitched keen scrapes like sandpaper over her vocal cords at the feel of wind whistling through the rapidly reforming chambers of her heart. Her cries turned choked as her lungs finished forming themselves too quickly, taking shape around pools of blood that her body tried to cough up before it reabsorbed the spare cells. Birdie could feel it scorching where it bubbled past her lips, fresh trails of red tracing their way down her face - making their way into her nose and eyes as her head strains back. Clenching her fists, she focuses her mind on the sharp dig of metal wrapped around her fingers instead of the slick cracking sounds echoing through the room as her sternum finally closed.

Birdie falls back against the cold metal beneath her, taking heaving breaths - groans escaping her as the last of the serum sears its way through her. The air feels like razors against her skin, whimpers escaping as Pogo moves to release the latches keeping her in place. Tears fall from her eyes before she can stop herself, weak sobs shaking her where she lays. Blinking up at the lights above her, she flinches weakly as a familiar silhouette appears in her line of vision.

“It’s okay, sweetie. It’s over, you’re all better now.”

“Mom, _it hurts._ ”

“I know it does, sweetie. Let’s get you all cleaned up and then we’ll put you to bed.”

Strong arms slide beneath her, lifting her into the synthetic cradle of Mom’s hold. She whines at the pain that racks through her at the touch, even as her head falls into the space where Mom’s neck meets shoulder. The cool feel of her fake skin actually starts to soothe the ache as the robot turns to leave the room. Her left hand dangles beside her, medallion swinging - platinum catching the fluorescent light as she’s carried past them. 

No one moves but Five, all the rest frozen in place - pale and shaking - as their brother followed after his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, tell me all about how you're traumatized by Birdie's trauma!
> 
> Comment, leave kudos, reach out on Tumblr - I'm here to help you through the troubling times between chapters.
> 
> Thanks again to @laneyg_thememequeen, the absolute best beta ever! If you would also be interested in that - or even just interested in what happens in this AU I've made - please DM me on Tumblr @youfuckinfudgenutter. 
> 
> Also! This fic broke 5K this week! Kind of a big deal to me - so to say thank you, we've decided to run a poll! Where you, the readers, can vote on a one-shot set in the Do or D13 universe for me to write! 
> 
> If you're interested in having a say, you can find the poll pinned to the top of my tumblr profile!


	18. Someone Has To Shield You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five helps Birdie clean up, Grace takes care of her babies, and Hazel can't catch a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took several turns but ended up where I wanted it!
> 
> Thanks @laneyg_thememequeen for being so patient with me through this one, the absolute best!
> 
> [Warning: Things get smutty, emotional - both separately and at the same time. Still don't own TUA, but Birdie is mine.]

_Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story_

Mom carried her through the halls, Five following silently beside them, the faint click of heels on hardwood following them all the way to the bathroom closest to Birdie’s old room. 

_Of the man skilled in all the ways of contending,_

Five holds his arms out once they cross the threshold, taking his wife back into his arms as Mom starts running the bath. She steps out and when she comes back with a stack of towels in her arms, steam is rising from the half filled tub. Dropping the towels on the closed toilet lid, Mom slips out of the bathroom to leave the couple to their long standing routine. Five lowers Birdie onto unsteady legs, hands gentle as he leans her against the sink. 

_The wanderer, harried for years on end,_

His touch stays gentle as he works the tattered remains of her slip down her body. Fighting a flinch, he takes a towel and dips it in the water. He holds it until it stops blistering his skin before dropping to his knees at Birdies’ feet. Slowly, he wipes the trails of red from her feet - working his way up her bare legs. She’s breathing like she’s just run a marathon but she doesn’t stop him - forcing herself to push past the sting of the towel on her raw nerve endings.

_After he plundered the stronghold on the proud height of Troy._

She’s slumped back by the time he reaches her torso, strokes faltering at the whimper she lets out when he reaches the center of her chest. They push through it, Birdie panting as he finishes wiping the worst of the mess from her skin. The towel falls to the floor when he’s done, Five taking her back into his arms to lower her into the tub. 

_He saw the townlands and learned the minds of many distant men,_

Birdie looks up at him expectantly, imploring him to stay. So, he reaches for his tie - working it loose and over his head before he strips out of his ruined uniform. Picking up the now mostly red towel, he hastily wiped down his front. His wife sits up, hands braced on the rim of the tub to pull herself forward, allowing him to slip into the tub behind her. He settles back, spreading his arms out as Birdie settles between his spread legs - lying to press her ear over his heart. 

_And weathered many bitter nights and days in his deep heart at sea,_

When Birdie moves to nuzzle her nose to his chest, he brings his arms around her - relief rippling through him as she moves with him as he gathers her closer. Pressing his nose to her damp hair, planting featherlight kisses to where his lips can reach. Hands brush up his sides as she shifts up to rest her head on his shoulder. Lips brush his neck as she presses rasping words into his skin.

“Tell me a story, Five.”

_While he fought only to save his life, to bring his shipmates home._

It was something they did when they were children. When Birdie was still afraid to speak too much, Five would read out loud to her to pass the time. Would hold the book between them and drag his finger along the words as she followed along silently. It took her months to tell him that she already knew how to read - that it was one of the few skills she’d been taught. Five had been flustered, though he tried to hide it. He only settled after Birdie told him she liked listening to the sound of his voice and had held off on telling him so he’d keep reading to her. 

After that, it was simply something they did as they sat together and later when Five would sneak into her room to comfort her. Five would tell her stories engraved in his memory from the hours Reginald had him and the others study them while Birdie simply followed along silently to avoid having to speak. 

_But not by will nor valor could he save them,_

Five had always had a taste for the classics, so more often than not - he’d ramble greek into Birdie’s ear. He let it spill from his lips absently as he ran his fingers along her back, cupping his hands to dribble warm water across her shoulders. She felt herself steady at the sound of his voice, shifting to sit up - moving to straddle his lap before she wraps herself back around him. He speaks the words into the hollow of her throat, hands rising to brush her hair back before running them down to rest at the small of her back. 

_For their own recklessness destroyed them all._

The story draws to a close as Birdie toys with the hair at the nape of his neck. Keeping her breathing steady, she pulls back enough to brace her forehead against his - trying to find the words to start their much needed conversation. Five says nothing, simply staring up at her - eyes trained on her lashes as they flutter against the tops of her cheeks. 

“I never wanted you to see that.”

Her voice is shaky and she had to pause to swallow against the lump forming her throat.

“I only ever needed it once before. After Ben - my body was healing too slow.”

Her breathing hitches despite herself and Five runs his hands over her sides soothingly. Melting slightly into the touch, she forces herself to keep talking. 

“Had to regrow more then - lost some limbs. My body was taking care of it but - slowly. The old man was more than happy to break out the needle.”

Letting her head fall back, she blinked rapidly to keep the tears burning the back of her eyes at bay. Five drew his nose down the length of her neck, jaw clenched tight as he processed everything. 

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

Hands find his jaw, drawing his head back so she can look him in the eye. 

“What happened between me and the others in those training sessions was between me and them, even when Reginald started letting everyone watch me spar.”

“And the basement?”

“The basement was just - easier to leave in the ground.”

Five has nothing to say to that, letting thumbs soothe the tension from where he’s biting down on his back teeth. She sways closer, nudging his nose with hers as she presses against his front - unable to close the last of the distance with the way the air around them still feels so stiff. For a moment, he doesn’t close it either - letting the tension linger long enough for Birdie to shift in his lap nervously before tilting his head up to catch her top lip lightly.

Birdie lets out a moan of relief, sucking his bottom lip between her teeth as she melts against him. It stays like that for a long time, each of them getting lost in barely open mouth kisses. Five bites at her lower lip, soothing it with his tongue lightly - making her shift, her back arching under his hands. A tiny whimper escapes her throat at the feel of him brushing against the swell of her ass, kisses gaining heat as she grinds down absently. 

A hand wraps around the back of her neck, the other winding around her waist, as Five takes control of the kiss - holding her against him as he slips his tongue deeper into her mouth. A deep groan rumbles from his chest as she braces her hands on the lip on the tub to roll her hips back harder. Dropping his hand from her waist, he reaches beneath the water to grasp himself. Lifting her hips, she pulls back to press her forehead to his as she sinks down onto him. 

She can’t help the way she turns into a whimpering mess. While she has settled, there is a certain tenderness that comes from how raw her nerves still are. Five seems to pick up on it, locking his arms around her to keep her in place as they pant into the tiny space between them. Taking deep breaths, his head falls back at the way she twitches around him. It takes everything to stay still, but he does - waiting for the signal to move.

It could be seconds, minutes, a short lifetime - but eventually Birdie is able to gather herself enough to roll her body against his. They’re both panting as they build a tentative rhythm, hands on her hips helping her move - careful to keep their pace slow. Five leans up to catch her lips in another kiss, making her melt into him. Muffled noises lost in each other's mouths as Five sinks back - Birdie following to lean over him as she picks up the pace slightly.

They stay like that until Birdie’s hips twist just right, her head falling back as his falls forward - panting against the skin of her chest. He plants wet kisses along her throat as she grinds down at an angle that lets him go hilt deep. His lips brush bare skin, making something primal twist in his gut at the absence of metal. Teeth catch her jugular, making her twitch violently in his arms before she starts rocking faster. 

Water starts to sloush up around them faster and faster as Birdie starts rising higher and higher - Five’s hold on her hips getting tighter as he helps her lift up before pulling her back down. Her breathing gets shorter and shorter as she chases that edge. She comes out of it at the sound of a loud splash, eyes opening to see the way the water is crashing over the rim of the tub. The sight startles a giggle out of her, which has Five pulling back from behind her ear. 

“What?”

He’s breathless and confused, but Birdie just crashes back into him to press her laughter to his lips.

“Gettin’ water all over the place.”

Five presses his own smile into hers, relief washing through him that she’s able to laugh at something so simple. He moves to smother his own chuckle into her jaw, basking in her little giggles as he tightens his hold on her hips to slow her to a still.

“Hold on tight, sweetheart.”

Pausing for a second to let her wrap her arms back around his shoulders, Five twists them around as they pop out of existence. They reappear above Birdie’s old bed, bodies dropping onto the mattress with a slight hop that has her arching hard beneath him with a cry. He braces wet knees on the duvet beneath them, hands going to the headboard as he rolls his hips down. 

Birdie reaches to grasp the backs of her knees, drawing her legs wide in a bid to guide Five in deeper. It works, which has Five falling into her - bracing his elbows on either side of her head. Her legs shoot up to wrap around him as her hands grasp at his shoulders - nails raking down his back as the springs creek in protest beneath them. Five reaches to grab her jaw lightly, drawing her into a kiss she can feel in her bones as his hips rise and fall between her thighs. 

When she starts to tighten around him, he pulls back just enough to rasp the words against her gasping mouth.

“Come on, sweetheart - come for me.”

It rips a desperate whimper from her as she looks up at him, hips rising to meet him as she feels the tension coil in her belly. He feels it too, rambling against her lips to get her there before he gets completely lost. She falls head first over the edge, his name passing her lips as she arches up against him. Five doesn’t take long to follow, burying himself as deep as he can go as he emptied himself into her - collapsing against her chest as the waves of euphoria began to ebb.

Fingers tangled in his hair, bringing his head up to meet her - both of them sinking into a kiss. 

-

Grace is worried about the children. It is one of the sub categories of her default state, to constantly be on alert to provide assistance. In the years she has been functioning it is one of the things that remains constant through her reprogramming. When she was carrying her youngest somewhere safe to clean herself up, it was something entirely new. Though, she could conclude that to be a consequence of her most recent reset. 

In her memory banks, she could recall several moments where she had seen her daughter disappear in a disheveled state - whether she was teleported by Five or assisted by another - it had never been Grace to provide care. There had always been an override in place that kept her from doing so. Pogo had removed several outdated protocols when he had restored her medical emergency programming. So, instead of remaining to clean the lab, she had done what had first come to mind. 

She had only held her youngest on three previous occasions - something she filed away with a notation that it would have to be rectified going forward. 

When D-13 had arrived at the mansion.

When Grace had to carry the remains of her body down to the lab after training with Number Six.

When Birdie had left, taking her other children after the death of her Ben. 

It made her smile dim as she cleaned the bathroom her children had vacated. Lifting the bloody towels, draining the water tinged the palest pink - it was the most she had ever done before and it suddenly felt insufficient. 

Her Five would take care of her Birdie, it was a notation in their files that had been made weeks after they had met and remained unchanged. The thought brought her smile back to its previous width, her steps clicking cheerily as she carried the soiled towels down to the laundry to soak. 

As she made her way down the stairs, she could see the rest of her children where they had gathered in the sitting room. Which set off a different alarm, as she noted the bullet holes she had yet to fix in the walls. Her children were not as safe here as they had once been, something she had predicted would change after the death of Mr. Hargreeves. 

Her Luther was seated on the ground, arms - much bigger than they should have been - wrapped around his knees. His face was pale and he was shaking slightly. Her memory pulled up instances from when he was a boy, when he would hide in the attic after his training - muscles protesting and tears on his cheeks at having disappointed his Father. He had looked the same in the days following his accident. Before he had been sent away.

Her Diego was not faring much better, sitting in an out of place armchair. His hands were clasped between his knees, shoulders hunched with his eye staring ahead wide and bloodshot. He had always been more expressive than most of his siblings. His anger explosive, his sadness devastating, his happiness brillant. Now, her son looked defeated - something solely reserved for instances he believed he had failed somehow. 

Her Allison was clinging to her Vanya still, her two daughters having long since stopped crying. They seemed to be staring off at nothing in particular, huddled on the loveseat that she had yet to patch up - stuffing spilling from rips in the upholstery. She could recall nights she would pass by Birdie’s bedroom, ear pressed to the wood to hear the giggling of her girls on the other side. It was part of her programming to tell Mr. Hargreeves when she saw the children breaking the rules, so she never opened the door. She would simply continue on to check on the others before going to her recharging station - imagining a life like the woman in the painting.

She seems like she would know what her children looked like when they were huddled in laughter, rather than grief.

Her Klaus is jittery, eyes flicking about before returning to where Grace assumes her Ben is. Her boys were like night and day, opposites tied together. One was always so loud and vibrant - alive with energy as he bounced on his bed and toddled about in her heels. The other was quiet and reserved - content to curl up with a book and a cup of her hot chocolate. 

Resolved, she continued on her way to the laundry room. Once she had finished cleaning up, she would head into the kitchen to put a pot of milk to heat on the stove. So, she did just that - leaving to carral her children once the cocoa had been set to dissolve. Grace goes to retrieve her children from upstairs first - finding the couple curled up beneath Birdie’s blankets. They both startle, faces heating as she tells them to get dressed and come down. 

Then, she goes to gather the rest of her children. Smile fixed in place as she gently gets each to stand, reassuring them that Birdie is already on her way down. It helps, just like she predicted it would. She notes that one is missing however, and sets off to look for him. She adjusts her hearing and sharpens her reaction time as she walks through the halls. Peeking into rooms, she absently notes the resounding _thwips_ she can hear bouncing up and down the hall. 

Grace searches and finds nothing, returning to the kitchen to find her eldest daughter minding the stove as her children sit at the table in silence. They all have visibly improved, her Birdie curled up next to her Five in the fresh sweats Grace had left for her in her cabinet. The others are watching her avidly, eyes fixed on her with tentative smiles. It brightens her smile, even as alarm takes precedence.

“Children, I can’t find your brother - do any of you know where he’s gone?”

-

Hazel needs to figure out where to go from here.

He’s made his choice, crashed a car to prove it and staying is unsustainable. 

Cha Cha knows him too well and as good as he is at his job, he’d rather not gamble with the future he has decided isn’t going to be with her. Pacing about the motel room, he tries to plan out his next move. He’s aware that there is nowhere to go yet, that he needs to stay until there is a real window to escape - but he is tempted to take the briefcase hidden in the vent and run. 

He’s losing the battle with the impulse, halfway to the otherside of the room when the door bursts open. His partner walks in, body thrown over her shoulder as she calls out to him. 

“Look what I found! Grab that chair, jackass is heavier than he looks.”

Numbly, Hazel swings the door shut as he grabs the spare seat in the room. Swinging it around, he holds it as Chach drops the unconscious man into the chair. She pulls back to straighten her suit before turning to find the duct tape. 

“This wasn’t what I was expecting when you said you were getting dinner. Gotta say, I’ve lost my appetite.”

“Very funny, I was heading to the chinese place when I saw this asshole just walking down the street. He’s one of them, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, he’s got the tattoo and everything.”

“Which one is he anyway, that book tell you?”

Hazel takes in the wiry build, the mesh tank top and smudged eyeliner. Grabbing the man’s hand, a pit forms in his stomach as he takes in the _Hello_ on his palm. 

“I think he’s Number Four - Klaus.”

_Birdie is gonna be so pissed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> I know it was shorter than usual, but I thought that worked tbh. Let me know what you thought in the comments! Y'all know I live to hear from you guys! if you want, you can also reach out to my Tumblr [@youfuckinfudgenutter]
> 
> Thanks for reading! Also - the poll I mentioned from last chapter is now closed and the votes are in! Expect that one-shot on the way soon!
> 
> [Next Chapter: The Family is exhausted, Birdie does get pissed, and Hazel tries his best.]


	19. You Gotta Be Stronger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is about Klaus, Hazel is trying, and Birdie is fed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaand we're back!
> 
> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! 
> 
> I know it's been a minute, but Chapter 19 is finally here. 
> 
> This Chapter is dedicated in particular to my friend, @laneyg_thememequeen, who has been super supportive through out this impromptu hiatus and who has been patient with me through my writing slump. Merry Christmas, hon! You're present is Ch. 19 and the official end of the hiatus! Hope ya like it!

She should have seen it coming, she _would_ have if she hadn’t been eviscerated earlier that day. Dying could be distracting like that. Nothing could stop her from searching every hidden corner of the mansion, barely suppressed panic bubbling in the back of her throat. 

Part of her thought that she must have learned to run before she could walk. As if she was startled into action the first time the straps holding her in place slipped. Maybe that seems melodramatic, but there is no denying that she hit the ground with a running start the second she stepped into the sun beyond the towering walls encasing the mansion.

It was hard to tell if she was the leader or following behind her family, alternating between the two as she orbited them as protectively as the Moon around the Earth. Birdie _knew_ that she was over protective, especially after spending most of her life trying to provide for her siblings. She also knew that after Five disappeared that she only grew more velous with each passing day. There was no doubt that a therapist would have a field day with her attachment issues, but the thing was - her entire family was the same way. 

Luther has trouble connecting on a more personal level than a leader directing a team. It kept him from his family for so long, his whole world view needed to be torn apart for him to see that they were right there. Waiting for him to come back down to Earth. 

Diego and Allison are so guarded it would take a _team_ of experts to get anywhere. One closed off completely to anyone who met him after the age of ten, with the exception of one woman who was still peeling back layers seven year in. The other so adapt at masking how they feel that they’ve turned it into a profession to satisfy her deep seated need for attention.

Ben and Vanya had been so quiet, it was almost as if they had no clue what to say when it wasn’t written down in a book or within the notes of a song. Benny had to _die_ to find his voice, even if it mostly fell on deaf ears now. Vanya needed to go through withdrawal to finally tell them how she felt, and even that was an accident. 

Five is a **vault** , shut off completely from the world. Precious few were inside before the door was sealed, and most have yet to realize that he holds them so close. Tucked away in his heart, to be protected at all costs. 

And _Klaus_ \- who was drowning in a world twice as crowded and infinitely darker - Klaus clung to his family. Loudly and unabashedly, anchoring himself to their presence as best as he could. 

Birdie knew all of this, conducted herself based on different protocols for each of them and did her best to be what they needed. 

That first gunshot, the sickening sensation of a bullet ripping a path through her forehead had sent her spiraling into Klaus’ reality and changed everything. It had been a crash course in remaining steady as she danced between the two worlds, hand in hand with the boy haunted by shadows as she fought to keep his head above the tide. Ben helped, now that he was on the other side, though he had needed a few pointers in the beginning. So, Birdie had become the rock Klaus needed. The tether that he could away cling to when all else failed. 

But that _godforsaken room_ in the basement. 

It was the final straw. Piled on top of her family’s fear, her sister’s guilt, and her husband’s devastation - it had broken her. Just for a moment, she had shattered into all the pieces that she had been holding together so carefully. A moment of weakness that she couldn’t help, but still made guilt curl around her heart nonetheless. 

That guilt only built with each passing moment, as she stormed from room after room. Calling for her brother with the others hot on her heels. It was all consuming by the time they had confirmed what Mom had told them, that Klaus was nowhere to be found. Her mind raced with a number of possibilities, each worse than the last as new threats hung over their heads. It made more than simple remorse bubble up in her and she clung to the anger - the rage that reared its head at the idea of someone having hurt those she loved. 

Her voice was steady as she broke the family up into teams, each with a directive to effectively tear the city apart. 

-

Hazel was walking a tightrope, one wrong step away from falling to his violent death - most likely at the hands of his irritable partner, but at this point he couldn’t rule out Birdie ripping his head off. 

Objectively, he knew that he had to tread carefully, which means he couldn’t do anything but sit silently as Cha Cha contemplated methods of torture out loud. He couldn’t act too offended by the thought of disemboweling his ally’s brother or flinch at the idea of tearing his nails from his fingertips. Escaping to find a phone was also out of the question, at least at the moment. It would be too out of character, too defiant of protocol. 

So he played along, even as he silently willed the scrawny man strapped to the spare chair to stay asleep. It seemed his prayers would go unanswered, given that not even thirty minutes later - a groan echoed in the air. For a split second it seemed like he wouldn’t wake up all the way, tension filling the room as Cha Cha secured her helmet in place. Hazel brought his up above his head, hesitating for less than a second before following suit - his frown obscured behind a cartoonish smile. 

-

Birdie sent Luther and Diego in the van to check with Eudora, making sure they knew to look into alleys along the way. She stationed Allison by the phone with Vanya to act as the line of communication or to be there if Klaus made his way back. Five followed her throughout the city, jumping them from location to location as Birdie checked his usual haunts.

He hovers protectively, but never once tries to stop her. Not even when she stumbles over her own feet, tiny moments of disorientation that she’s quick to shake off before they can slow her down. They race through the streets, glaring at anyone who wonders too close at the sound of their brother’s name being called out. Birdie pulls a few aside to question, each time more abrasive as the last as each vague acquaintance proves ignorant before offering discounted weed. 

She grabs a few things, for when she apologizes to Klaus after they find him. Because they would find him. 

-

There had never been a time that blood made Hazel cringe. Possibly a time or two long before the Commission had found him, but that was all a hazy memory at this point. That may as well have been a completely different person, but who he is now was someone stayed as steady as a mountain. At least he used to. 

Too much had changed, it was like he’d rediscovered what passed for his humanity because he could hardly look at the damage in front of him. It was minor, in all honesty, compared to what they’d usually do - what they had done not even two days ago to that man in the garage. He was grateful for his mask and the way it obscured the way his gaze strayed away from the streaks of red drying on pale skin, the way it hid the way his eye twitched with every ringing strike that added to the mess of purple and blue. 

-

Diego knew that he was more volatile than most. He wasn’t completely oblivious, despite the way he could be so careless with his ruthlessness. The thing is - he could be so much worse. As one of the eldest of seven, it was his job to look out for the rest of the family. If there was one thing that he didn’t take well, it was failure. 

He had failed, regardless of what anyone else said. 

Leaving the mansion was a turning point in his life, one where he recognized one of his major roles in this life and he had fallen short on all counts. It felt almost like he had broken a vow, a promise he’d made to himself as he settled in every night - headboard pressed to the wall by the front door, knives curled in his palms.

Vanya had been hurting everyday since they were children, and none of them had seen just how much. They should have known - he should have known - that refilling the prescription Pogo sent them off with was a bad idea. Anything to do with the Old Bastard should have been burned and they should have danced on the ashes before ever bringing them into their home. 

Birdie had suffered, again, because he hadn’t acted fast enough. He should have stepped in, rather than letting the whole encounter unravel like he had. Vanya hadn’t been listening, too angry with everyone to absorb what they were saying. He should have pulled Birdie and Allison away. Should have taken control of the situation like a good big brother. 

And now Klaus was missing. Like enough hadn’t happened today, his baby brother was out there - probably hurt, knowing him, and Diego had no clue where to go from here. Eudora came up with nothing and could only put out the word to be on the lookout for Klaus' description before 24 hours had passed. Driving through the streets was turning up nothing and Luther was no help, shaky as he was. They all were, after the day they’d had, but that was no excuse - at least not for him. 

Out of everyone, he was the most equipped to deal with what happened today. He had seen Bridie fall more times than he could count. Seen the blood and the blankness in her eyes, felt the panic that came with seeing her lifeless body slump like a puppet without a master. He knew the pain of being the one responsible. 

So, he _should_ have been quicker to shake it off. 

It was like he was ten years old again, staring at her on the ground - expecting her to pop back up and do a little dance. He was waiting for it then, muscles coiling with anticipation so they could spring into action together. They’d become a team over the years, taking care of the others and picking up the family messes. But the longer she stayed in place, the more he froze. It was like ice creeping through his veins, grasping at his heart as it skipped anxiously behind his ribs. 

He didn’t know what to do when she didn’t get up. 

_“I don’t want to l-leave M-mom, but someone need to take care of you t-three.”_

Following his family had been a new mission, one that would never end. If anything it grew more complex with each passing day. Each passing _minute_ , in this case. He couldn’t wallow in his failure, not now when his main focus had to be finding his brother. 

Starting here, he needed to do better.

-

Vanya couldn’t stop shaking. 

It felt like every inch of her was vibrating right out of her skin. Her muscles were twitching sporadically, tiny little spasms that made her flinch at nothing as she sat beside the phone. The phone that stays stubbornly silent despite the way Allsion was glaring at it like she would make it combust with her mind if it continued to disappoint her. She wouldn’t be surprised if it actually did, considering all the truths coming to light today. 

It was like breathing right for the first time in her life, like she had broken the surface of an ocean she hadn’t known she was drowning in. Only for the wind to be knocked right out of her lungs when she thought about what she was capable of. 

She had killed her sister. It didn’t matter if she came back, or that everyone else had done it before. Vanya had hurt the one person who’d always been there for her, all because she had been angry. She had _murdered_ her best friend. There was no denying it. Only living with it. 

Which felt impossible, the guilt so crushing it made her chest tight and her eyes burn with tears that refused to run out. Allsion clocked them instantly, the scowl on her face melting into a guilt that almost mirrored Vanya’s with its intensity. Her sister said nothing as she got up, reaching to squeeze her shaking hand reassuringly before stepping out of the room. She had figured out that staying did nothing, but getting her a glass of water would help her breathe.

Her eyes fall shut against the low light of the room, only illuminated by lamps - the sun long since set. It ached - the low throb in her eardrums as everything echoed around her. The beat of her heart, her lungs expanding and contracting, the faint russell of fabric against fabric, the rush of water through the pipes hidden all around her. She could hear all of it now, making up the tangible silence around her like a blanket. 

The shrill ring of the phone might as well have been a gunshot with the way it ripped the silence to shreds. 

A full body flinch takes her off guard and it takes her a moment to collect herself. Her hand is visibly shaking as she reaches for the handset, but she doesn’t hesitate to pick it up and bring it to her still ringing ear. For an instant all she can hear is static before it fades into a voice that she doesn’t recognize on the other end of the line. 

-

The night air was bracing as Hazel made his way toward the lone phonebooth on the street corner. Plastic bag of take-out in hand, he makes to walk by - only to reach up to punch out the light above it. Shrouded in darkness, coins slip from his palm into a slot he can barely make out and he lifts the handset with a faint click. 

He dials the number he committed to memory and the line only rings twice before it answers in the middle of the third. Taking a bracing breath, he crowds closer to the receiver as he tries to keep his voice as quiet as possible.

-

“Birdie? Is this you? Birdie?”

“N-no, this is Vanya. Who is this?”

“Vanya? Birdie’s sister?”

“Yes, who is this? What do you want with my sister?”

“She’s a friend. Is she there?”

“No, can I take a message?”

“I suppose that’s gonna have to work - you have a pen?”

“No? I’ll write whatever it is down in a second, what is it?”

“Fine, but you have to remember it exactly - this is my only shot at this and it’s important, do you understand?”

“I understand.”

“Okay, repeat after me - _Luna_.”

“Luna.”

_“Motor.”_

“Motor.”

_“Lodge.”_

“Lodge.”

_“Room 225.”_

“Room 225.”

_“All together now.”_

“Luna Motor Lodge Room 225.”

“Good, tell her Hazel called yeah? Thought she might want to know where to look.”

“Wait - wha-”

-

The line cuts off before Vanya can get the last question out, but she doesn’t think much of it as she slams the handset into the cradle and takes off through the halls calling for Allison. They run into each other in the hall and Vanya has to get her breathing back under control for a second as she starts dragging her sister out of the mansion.

“Vanya, what’s wrong? What happened?”

“I know where Klaus is! We have to go find the others!”

Neither hesitates after that to take off running to the garage, both eager to find their family.

\- 

It was safe to say the Birdie and Five were ready to burn the city to the ground. Neither were particularly patient in these situations and they had a tendency to feed off each other when they were like this. There was no one present to reel either of them in and the rage in their chests only burned brighter with each empty lead. They were shaking down one of Klaus’ dealers - literally shaking the man at knife point - when their sisters found them. 

The two pull up in the old man’s Hudson Super Six, slamming on the brakes when they spot them and screaming from the inside of the car as they wave frantically for their attention. It takes less than a second for Five to have them in the backseat in a lightning fast flash of blue. For a moment the women take over each other in a wall of noise that is almost indecipherable, before Vanya raises her voice to tell Allison to start the car. 

Turning in her seat, she faces Birdie head on for the first time since earlier that day. It makes her breath hitch visibly, seeing her sister looking so young in her black sweats - medallion gleaming from between folds in the fabric of her overs-sized sweatshirt. Birdie sees it and smiles at her reassuringly before pressing for an explanation.

“Vanya - what happened? Why aren’t the two of you at the Mansion?”

Nodding to herself, she tries to gather the words in the steadiest voice she can manage. 

“Hazel called - he said you might want to know where to look. I’m pretty sure he was talking about Klaus.”

“Haz? _Hazel has Klaus?”_

Five gives her a deadpan expression as he falls back into the seat.

 _“Haz?_ He kidnaps _another_ member of the family and you have nicknames?”

Birdie shushes him even as she struggles to decide how she feels about the situation. 

“What else did he say, Van?”

“He said Luna Motor Lodge, Room 225.”

Birdie settles on annoyance, rather than burning rage, as she turns to her husband. 

“See? Still right about Hazel, why else would he tell us where to go?”

“To lure us to our _deaths?_ How are we supposed to just _trust_ that Klaus is even there?”

“Alright, so we don’t - you and me go run recon while the girls find the last two of us and then we rendezvous outside the place before we storm the room.”

While it is presented as a reasonable suggestion, there is an underlying steel to her tone that lets everyone in the car know that it is the plan they’ll be going with. No one raises any objections however, so Birdie gives Vanya a kiss on the cheek and Allison the streets Diego was hitting before the couple in the backseat disappear in another flash of blue.

-

Five finds them a strong vantage point on the roof across from the motel and they settle in to watch for a familiar blue car. Birdie doesn’t care much for espionage, so she sits perched on the edge with her legs dangling over the side as she watches the street like a hawk. Her husband is a bit more discreet, crouching down behind her to peer over the edge from the safety of her shadow. 

“So - I’m gone for a while and suddenly you’re the Batgirl to Diego’s discount Batman?”

“Pfft - more like I’m the Deadpool to Diego’s discount Wolverine. Besides, who are you to throw stones, Mr. Time-Assassin?” 

“Point. I suppose we became what we had to.”

“I suppose we did. Doesn’t necessarily mean we aren’t who we used to be.”

After everything that had happened that day, before Mom had come to get them, they had been simply laying together in bed. Talking about all the things that had gone unsaid in the past. They had been tiptoeing around what needed to be said about the time they’d been apart when they were interrupted. It felt awfully like they were straying back onto the topic, but this wasn’t the time. So, they settled into companionable silence instead. 

It wasn’t long before they spotted who they were looking for as he turned onto the street, driving well below the speed limit. It makes a thought tickle at the back of her mind. When the car gets closer to the motel, she turns to Five with a smile that stretches her face too wide. 

“Sweetie, do you think we could have a _word_ with Hazel?”

She barely blinks before she finds herself in a familiar passenger seat sitting in a very familiar lap. Ignoring the shout of surprise and the way the car veers to the side for a moment, she settles into her seat while turning to her husband briefly.

“Really? Backseat might be a bit more discreet.”

Another flash and she’s meeting Hazel’s gaze in the rearview mirror.

“Haz, just circle the block would you?”

The car straightens out and passes the turn into the motel parking lot without comment from anyone. They settle into the seat and the silence lingers for a second before Birdie breaks it again. 

_“What the fuck, Hazel?”_

Heaving a giant sigh, Hazel rolls up to the stop sign - flicking the turn signal before readjusting the rear view mirror.

“Cha Cha snatched him up when she left to get us food. I couldn’t do anything about it. She was already tying him up by the time I realized who it was.”

“Real dick move, dude.”

“I know, I know. I couldn’t get out of it without raising every alarm and then some. I barely got out with the excuse of getting the food Cha Cha forgot.”

“I will say we appreciate the info, even if we reserve the right to kill you should this turn sideways.”

“Fair enough. Can’t say I wouldn’t do the same.”

“I’m glad we understand each other.”

Five sucks his teeth impatiently, leaning forward to speak in Hazel’s ear as the car makes another turn.

“If you two _besties_ are done, I’d like to know what state I’ll find my brother in?”

“I tried to keep everything from going too far. Talked Cha Cha into playing the long game, so he was in one piece the last time checked.”

“How many pieces we find, _is how many we leave you in_ \- do you understand me?”

Hazel actually gulps as he white knuckles the steering wheel and he nods as they round another turn. Five falls back, satisfied with his contribution to the conversation. Birdie leans over the console, snarky grin firmly in place. 

“I know you’re kinda shitting yourself right now - what with _‘Number Five’_ having just threatened to rip you apart and all, but be real. You’re squealing a little on the inside, ain’t ya?” 

He sends her a look briefly, but offers no rebuttal to the statement.

“Yeah, meeting your heroes is like that. _Anywho_ \- just a heads up, the rest of our family is on the way to storm that motel room. While you aren’t on our hit list at the moment, your partner _definitely_ is. No offence.”

“No, I get it. Was bound to come to this sooner or later, I just wasn’t expecting it so soon.”

“Well, it’s been a real long day all around I guess. I died for a while and then my brother was kidnapped.”

“Don’t you die all the time?”

“Not the point at all, Hazel.”

“Right, sorry. So, I guess we should have a plan?”

“Nah - we’re keeping this simple. My family busts in, we fight you and Cha Cha - be sure to make it look real - and then we escape with our brother. Hopefully after ripping Cha Cha’s head off. Again, no offence.”

If the thought of Cha Cha dying bothered hazel, he did a hell of a job hiding it. He just nodded along with the plan silently as he made another turn absently. They were back on the street, nearing the motel and running out of time. 

“That could work - but what if it doesn’t? No Plan B?”

“I doubt we’ll need it - but we’re open to suggestions, I suppose.”

The Motel parking lot is lit up by shockingly bright lights that flicker, but Hazel pulls into one of the darker spots even as the couple in the back sinks down to crouch in the wells behind the front seats to avoid being seen. 

“Grab the briefcase. If anything goes wrong, you beat a hasty retreat and you’ll have an advantage that means I get out of here at the end of all this.”

Five is actually visibly shocked at this suggestion, his brow drawing together in his confusion. 

“You’d let us take the briefcase? Just like that?”

“I have _stipulations_ , of course, but nothing unreasonable.”

“And those would be?”

“Like I said, at the end of all this - I take the briefcase and get out of here. But if my cover is compromised at any time, I reserve the right to run. Either I take the briefcase or someone drops me off at the time of my choosing.”

Birdie can’t quite help herself at this, voice growing teasing as she shoots him a knowing look. 

“Would this happen to include a plus one? Perhaps a certain _waitress?”_

“Of course not - _why?_ Do you think she’d-?”

“Oh she seems like a real _romantic_ , it wouldn’t hurt to ask.”

Hazel actually pauses a beat before shaking off the vision of a simple life with Agnus. 

“That’s not what matters right now. Do we have a deal or not?”

Five and Birdie share a long look, each debating internally before nodding to each other. 

“You’ve got a deal, Haz.”

-

They return to their perch, debating when to give up on their family showing up. Klaus was so close and they had no way of knowing when Cha Cha would pick back up wherever she left off. The risk was too big, so they watched avidly for their family after deciding they would give them twenty minutes to show up. Five checked his watch compulsively and Birdie swung her feet to deal with her desire to strike. 

At the seventeen minute mark the street goes entirely dead and Birdie is close to ripping her hair out at the roots. They’re both on the brink of making a move when a car careens violently around the corner. It’s on the street below them before they can make out the model of the car, but it pulls over on the street and there is no mistaking the people that climb out as anyone other than their siblings. 

Teleporting down, they’re standing beside them so quickly everyone startles as Birdie begins going through the game plan without skipping a beat. 

“Alright - One person needs to drive the getaway car. Vanya, no offence, but it’s going to get very messy in there and you’ve had a long day. Would you mind staying with the car while we get Klaus?”

“That’s okay, I don’t want to get in the way.”

Birdie takes a moment to pause, grasping Vanya by the shoulders to force eye contact.

“This isn’t about you being in the way, it’s about you being safe and us making a hasty retreat if need be. It’s a very important role in all honesty, you got this?”

Vanya looks mildly reassured, if not in herself then in her significance to the plan. 

“I’ve got this.”

Birdie squeezes her reassuringly for a moment longer before her hands fall away and her game face is back on. 

“Ok - Luther, you handle Hazel. Don’t kill him if you can help it, but keep him cornered. Allison - I know you don’t want to rumor anyone so you’re gonna grab Klaus and get out, understand? Nothing else, Klaus is your only priority.”

Allison straightens up to her full height and nods her understanding as she starts pulling her hair back. 

“Diego - you’re with me and Five. We’re taking Cha Cha, the bitch who actually took Klaus, and she’s not walking out of here if we can help it. If Cha Cha opens fire - all of you leave, you understand me? Everyone - I’m gonna stay behind cause I can - but you all get the hell out and in the car. If I'm not down in 90 seconds, you leave me behind and we’ll meet up at home.”

They protest at that last part, but Birdie is quick to shut it down. 

“I can walk away from whatever gets thrown my way. You need to stay safe, our main priority is Klaus. Five, you need to make sure everyone gets home safe so you are going with them - _end of discussion.”_

-

They move as a group and before they know it, Luther is caving the door in and launching a punch directly into a pink helmet before rounding on Hazel. The two giants grapple as they stumble toward the back of the room and Luther sends Hazel through the bathroom door. 

Birdie is on Cha Cha in an instant, wrapping her body around her back to keep her open for Five and Diego to strike. Allison makes a b-line for the chair in the center of the room, knife in hand to cut through duct tape as Klaus lets out muffled exclaims of relief. The sound feeds the rage in Birdie’s heart and she yanks Cha Cha’s arm back viciously until she hears a loud pop. She barely gets to feel smug about it before the other woman manages to buck her off. 

Allison is on her way out the door as Birdie crashes into the bed closest to the door. Rolling over and onto the floor, Birdie looks up to see the vent in the wall. Peeking up over the bed, she sees her husband and brother keeping Pinky completely occupied. Sending a glance toward the back of the room, she sees nothing but can hear shouts and crashes from where Hazel and Luther are. 

Turning back, she reaches to pry the vent open as quietly as possible. The weight of the briefcase is shocking as she hefts it into her arms, but she quick to adjust and quicker to pop up from where she’s hiding as she calls out. 

“Five, _catch!”_

He steps back and spins to her on his heel - arms open wide to catch the briefcase as it sails through the air. He jumps away in a flash and Birdie is launching herself back across the room before Cha Cha can react. She and Diego dropped any pretense, everything they had come for was taken care of but one thing. The shift was palpable as they each tried to land a kill shot. 

Cha Cha seems to recognize what she’s dealing with and quickly switches to pure defense. They drive her back toward the table and Cha Cha grabs the takeout and throws it in Diego’s face. The spices blind him and he stumbles back, but even as he does so he grabs a knife from his vest and lets it fly. It strikes between the ribs and Birdie is quick to grab it. Twisting it viciously before yanking it toward her center and out. 

Her brother is still screaming at the string in his eyes when Five reappears and Birdie doesn’t hesitate to tell him to get Diego out. Cha Cha takes the momentary distraction to reach for her firearm and the first shot rings out as Five and Diego disappear. It tears through her gut and she actually lets out a small scream at the feel of it. Luther comes out of the bathroom dripping with water and covered in debris.

He doesn’t hesitate to swing his arm at Cha Cha, sending her into the wall as he scoops Birdie up and runs out of the room. Sprinting down the stairs and through the parking lot, he doesn’t stop until they reach the car. Birdie has long since healed, but she says nothing as the door swings open and Luther lowers himself into the back with her still in his hold. 

The car starts moving before the door is fully closed and there are too many people for it to be even remotely comfortable - but they’re all there. 

Letting her eyes fall shut, she lets the relief wash over her for several long moments. When she opens them again, it’s to the sight of her husband’s face and a smile forms on her lips out of habit. He’s leaning over her from his own seat on top of Diego. The back seat is beyond overcrowded, but that doesn’t stop her from leaning up to give Five a kiss before pushing his face aside to see the other bench seat. 

“Klaus?”

“Present and accounted for in the front with the girls. They’re holding onto the briefcase since too many laps are full back here.”

Klaus’ head is resting against the seat, but he strains his head back to look at them the best he can - battered face stretched into a grin that looks upside down to her. 

“I’ve got it since everyone else seems so busy with my rescue and such.” 

Birdie returned his tired grin with one of her own and as she opened her mouth to shoot off some reply there was a bright flare of familiar blue light. When it dims back to nothing, she is staring at empty space where her brother was sitting not two seconds ago. Vanya slams on the breaks instantly and they all stare at the empty seat in stunned silence. 

_“What the fuck?”_

All hell breaks loose, everyone screaming but Five - who is simply lost for words. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I went there. 
> 
> On the bright side, Dave! We'll be seeing him in here real soon. 
> 
> So, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! 
> 
> Let me know what y'all thought in the comments!
> 
> [Next Chapter: Five finally figures out what to say, Klaus comes home, and we hear a love story.]


End file.
